


Beautiful Disaster

by Harky21



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, M/M, Past relationship issues, Slow Build, and of course they fall for each other, basically tsukki is really down and kuroo has been through some stuff and wants to help, well comfort kinda comes way later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-06 05:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4210089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harky21/pseuds/Harky21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He’s down. Down so deep he’s not even sure what the sun looks like anymore. He thought things were getting better, looking up. He’d gotten into the top university in the country, he had a love life for once in his short existence, his brother was going to be close by, but of course that couldn’t last, not for Tsukishima Kei. No, something always had to slip up." In which Kei passes a bakery everyday and finally decides to go in and ends up meeting the one slip-up who didn't slip.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cough Syrup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “These zombies in the park, they’re looking for my heart. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh  
> A dark world aches for a splash of the sun.” Cough Syrup- Young the Giant

He’s down. Down so deep he’s not even sure what the sun looks like anymore. He thought things were getting better, looking up. He’d gotten into the top university in the country, he had a love life for once in his short existence, his brother was going to be close by, but of course that couldn’t last, not for Tsukishima Kei. No, something always had to slip up, go wrong, drag him back down into the abyss he was so familiar with he was starting to call it home.

After everything he’d been through in high school, he thought college would be a new start. The place he could be himself and not have to check behind his back every other second like back in Miyagi. Tokyo was supposed to be his refuge. And for a while it was, but as Tsukishima knew all too well, things change, and rarely for the better.

His first year at the University of Tokyo had been wonderful, better than he could ever dream. His peers were incredible. He didn’t have to dumb down his comments in class anymore and he was finally able to take some geology courses, the first step on his way to the paleontology courses he had so longed for. Akiteru was only a ten minute train ride away and he met someone who made his heart race. But somehow all of that had crumbled under his feet by the end of the year.

It started in February when Akiteru was transferred to the US. He now lived in San Francisco, a 10 hour plane ride away instead of a 10 minute train ride. Akiteru had tried to ease the blow. He took Kei out to eat and spent as much time as possible with him before leaving. He even said he’d fly Kei out there some time for a visit and reminded him he was only a phone call away whenever Kei needed him. Even so, he was crushed when Akiteru left. He would never say it aloud, but Akiteru was his support pillar. The person Kei knew he could turn to and would never judge him. The person Kei could tell anything to. And when Akiteru left, he lost that. It just wasn’t the same trying to tell secrets over the phone. But what made it even worse was that only about a week after Akiteru left, his mom found out about the person who made his heart race. About the _boy_ who made his heart race. The boy he started dating earlier that year.

There had been a reason why he never dared to have a relationship in high school. First of all were the expectations. He had to study hard, get top grades, get into a top school and he did. He passed with flying colors. He was accepted to the most prestigious university in the country. But that excuse was only what he claimed when his friends asked and told girls who would shyly place confessions on colorful stationary in his locker. Yes, that’s what he said, and he had shielded himself with that lie for so long, when he started to accept the fact that it wasn’t the real reason, he was scared to admit it even to himself.

The real reason was because he knew his mother would never accept the kind of relationship he wanted to have. She had spoken out openly against that type of “life-style choice” more than once. He thought being hours away from Miyagi would be enough to shield his love life from her and when he met _him_ , well he could hardly say no. Everything worked perfectly and it was great, for a while. But then his mom found out. He had failed to meet her expectations for him, she cut ties, refused to speak to him, and then he was dumped by the same person who had said, “I’ll never leave you,” mere weeks before. It was almost as if he wasn’t worthy of being loved…

 _No, stop thinking like that_ , he chided himself. _You’ll just_ _end up talking yourself down again. You have Akiteru. He knows and he still loves you. Same with Yamaguchi. Just put your mind on something else._ He sighed. Why did he forget his headphones? Music was the only thing he had to drown out his thoughts. Drown out all the expectations. ‘Cause that’s what everyone had. Expectations, expectations, expectations. But if you don’t meet them, suddenly you’re not good enough. Not worth it. So he had to keep meeting them, surpassing them. _This wasn’t what I had in mind when changing the subject to something else_. Oh, right.

He shuffled through a few songs in his head and started to hum as he continued walking back to his sorry excuse of an apartment. It was run down with just enough space for one person to live. The only upside was that it was only a few blocks from campus. It was also one of the only things Kei could afford with his scholarships and his job at the music shop. It’s not like his parents were in the picture anymore to help financially anyway. _Stop_. School? _No_. Yeah it’s not like school was particularly going well either.

He stopped and shook his head, taking his glasses off to clean them. He stood there half blind relishing in blurriness of the world about him before placing them back on his nose. The first thing he noticed in the restored clarity was the obnoxious sign for Kat’s Kradle. It was a bakery and café that was quite popular with students from his school. He passed it every day on his way to and from campus, but had yet to step foot inside. It looked kind of gaudy, not to mention the name was spelt incorrectly, and did the owner know what a depressing song he named his bakery after? It certainly didn’t match the curly red script and winking black cat that were scrawled across the windows. But, he thought, it might be a nice distraction…

Maybe that’s what pulled him into the shop. The need for distraction, but as he got closer he couldn’t help but notice the sign in the window that claimed “Best Strawberry Shortcake in Tokyo.” He looked at it skeptically. There was no way this place had the best strawberry shortcake in the city. But he’d never been able to say no to that particular dessert. It had been his favorite treat ever since he was young. Plus it was the start of the weekend. He could afford to treat himself, right? _Wrong_. He ignored the bitter part of his mind deciding it wouldn’t hurt.

He walked across the street to the shop that graced the corner and went in the red, wooden door. A little bell rang above his head. He glanced around the shop. The place was cozy, it had a few tables set up by the walls lined with windows and a corner filled with comfortable plush chairs in an area further back. Bread racks lined all the free wall space behind the huge wooden counter where a large display case of pastries sat, leaving very little room for the register at the end.

Photos and paintings littered the walls. Some seemed to be from students in the art school nearby, others were just pictures patrons had taken in the café and elsewhere. One picture of two boys seemed to stand out from the rest.

The shop wasn’t particularly crowded at the moment. A few couples here and there, a group yammering about some project. Tsukishima looked toward the counter again, no one was there. He glanced up to the menu scrawled on a huge chalk board above. He spotted his treat, but couldn’t decide what to get to drink with it. As he debated whether the strawberry shortcake would taste better with tea or coffee, he was startled from his thoughts by a, “Be with you in a sec!” yelled from the kitchen.

When he looked back down a young man had appeared. He was slightly shorter than Tsukishima, had flour smeared on his right cheek, wild black hair peeking out from under a red bandana, and a lopsided grin gracing his rather handsome face. All characteristics, minus the flour, that reminded Kei slightly too much of his ex, and made him nearly sprint back out the door and straight to his apartment.

And he was about to too. Except the man spoke.

“So, what’re you having today, Megane-kun?” he asked with a sparkle of mischief in his golden-brown eyes.

Kei’s eyes narrowed. He hated it when people identified him solely by his glasses.

“A piece of strawberry short cake,” he replied evenly, his glare unrelenting.

“And to drink?” The man behind the counter inquired with a raise of his eyebrows, smile still intact.

Kei might as well ask. “Would you recommend tea or coffee?”

“Coffee,” the man replied almost immediately.

“I’ll have tea then,” Kei replied with a smile, noting the twitch of the man’s eyebrow in irritation. Good.

“OK, that’ll be 840 yen.”

Kei dug around his pocket and pulled out the money, exact change, of course.

“Ok, take a seat and I’ll bring it right out,” the man smiled again in such a way that made Tsukishima really just want to forget his cake and leave. He’d had enough of handsome, smiling, easy-going guys.

He went to the back corner of the shop and found a nice, comfy looking chair to sit in with a small table by it. As he sank down he realized there was music playing. It was odd he hadn’t noticed immediately, but it was a soft indie record that blended more into the background than anything. He listened for a moment more. Was that Nora Jones? He frowned at his inability to place the artist and song’s title before deciding to pull out some reading for a class. They had barely started the semester, but better to be early on assignments, even if he wasn’t sure he wanted to do it, or any other thing for that matter. After everything that had happened he was even starting to question the track he had chosen at school.

He sighed and began to read.

“University student?”

Kei looked up. It was the same guy from the counter. Did he do everything by himself here?

“Um, yeah,” Kie replied as he took the plate and mug being offered to him.

“You a first year? I’ve never seen you around before,” the intruder asked as he sat down in the chair across from Kei.

Kei scowled, but replied, “No, second, and I don’t see how that’s relevant,” as he turned back to his book.

“Just wondering. Usually students start coming their first year and I know most of them, so when someone new shows up I like to learn their name. By the way, what is your name?” he leaned forward looking to be fully interested in what Kei was going to say. Tsukishima debated whether or not to actually answer. It’s not like he had to, but he thought he’d better, out of politeness.

“Tsukishima Kei.”

“Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Tsukishima-san. I’m Kuroo Tetsurou,” he replied with a lop-sided smile.

Kei nodded, and heard the door ring signaling another customer. Kuroo stood and glanced over to give the incoming lady a smile and small bow and then turned back to Tsukishima.

“I guess I better get back over to the counter, but I hope to see you again soon,” Kuroo said he turned away.

Kei just nodded and turned towards his still untouched cake.

He picked up his fork and took a bite, then scowled.

He didn’t think he liked Kuroo-san much, but this probably _was_ the best strawberry shortcake in Tokyo.

He took a sip of tea. It also would have gone better with coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beautiful Disaster- Jon McLaughlin 
> 
> She swears that there's no difference between the lies and compliments. It's all the same if everybody leaves her


	2. Babel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Press my nose up to the glass around your heart. I should’ve known I was weaker from the start. You’ll build your walls, and I’ll play my bloody part to tear, tear them down.” Babel by Mumford & Sons

He’s back again. It’s the fourth time in the last week and that snooty, stuck up, blond, megane, UTokyo kid is back. Not that Kuroo could complain. He did actually order coffee the second time he got the strawberry shortcake. _Like he should have in the first place_. The kid seemed to have a defiant attitude when it came to being told things though. And he wouldn’t lie that the guy was easy on the eyes. Not that Kuroo regularly tried to start anything with customers. It was one of his rules. _Don’t fraternize with the patrons_. Ok, fine that was actually Kenma’s rule.

“Hey! Kuroo! Table three just ordered another coffee,” Speak of the devil.                                                                                                        

“Black again?” Kuroo asked, putting the dishes down and heading toward Kenma at the register.

“Yup, just like his soul,” Kenma replied under his breath.

Kuroo chuckled a bit. Admittedly, Kuroo had to agree with him on this. This particular customer, Ushijima-san, had been on his nerves lately. He came in regularly, was always rude, and never tipped. 

“Ok, one black coffee it is,” he said filling the cup.

“Also table 9 is staring at you again,” Kenma added. He always had to add commentary about customer’s stares. Probably because they happened rather regularly. Kuroo could care less, really. He loved working the floor, but he really lived for the time he got alone in the kitchen. He glanced up, table 9 was occupied by a few university girls.

“I don’t see why you have to comment about it so consistently, Kenma,” he said giving the college student a questioning raise of his eyebrow.

“Because it’s fun to make you uncomfortable,” he responded in his usual monotone voice.

“And everyone thinks you’re so cute and huggable…”

Kenma blatantly ignored the comment and continued to bustle about the kitchen.

Kuroo rolled his eyes. Kenma may be quiet, but he still had one heck of a mouth. One that Kuroo had been on the receiving end of more than he’d like to admit, but he’d known Kenma since he was young. The boy was quiet and barely commented on anything, but somehow that silence had morphed into whispered sarcasm during his last year of high school and first years of college. It made Kuroo smirk at first, and though he still found it amusing, it was starting to be directed at him more and more. 

Once Kuroo successfully attended to their least favorite customer, he took a glance around the shop. It was bustling with students and businessmen on lunch break. He knew adding sandwiches to the menu between 10 and 2 was a good idea. Who didn’t want a sandwich on freshly baked bread? It was a stroke of genius. 

As he scanned the satisfied customers his eyes fell on Tsukki for a second time. _Not that I’d ever tell him I call him that_. The kid had homework out again.

So far Kuroo had been able to learn three things about Tsukki. 1) His name 2) He was a second year at UTokyo and 3) He majored in some sort of science that dealt with a lot of rocks. Those were the facts he had learned so far about the boy who had apparently decided Kuroo’s bakery was better than the library. The one thing that Kuroo didn’t know for fact, but was starting to think may _be_ a fact, was that Tsukki didn’t seem to be particularly happy. Kuroo had yet to figure out if the speculation was, indeed, true.

He wasn’t exactly sure why he thought that. It was just the feeling he got from the way Tsukishima would stare off into space every so often. It wasn’t the, “I’m avoiding doing my work,” stare he saw all too often from other students. It was something deeper, as if the kid was lost in his own mind and trying to find his way back out. Kuroo knew how that felt. He’d been there. He’d had to fight it.

A small string of interest and understanding for the boy was drawing him closer. Almost to the point of wanting to break his, _Kenma’s_ , rule.

Before he knew it he found himself over by what was becoming Tsukki’s usual spot. That over-stuffed burnt orange chair had always been one of his favorites in the store as well.

As he approached, Tsukishima looked up. _Oh no, better cover quick_.

“You need a refill?” Kuroo asked, motioning to the boy’s mug.

Tsukishima glanced down at his half full cup and then looked back up at Kuroo. The scowl on the other’s face met his eyes and Kuroo’s couldn’t help but smirk.

“What? Too good for more coffee?”

Tsukishima glanced back down to his cup, his face blank as ever, but Kuroo was starting to catch small changes in his eyes. He was good at reading people and at that moment, it seemed like Tsukki was debating with himself. Kuroo’s smirk softened.

“Refills don’t cost. I can even bring over some more cream and sugar for you,” he added, hoping this would sway the blond to decide.

“Ok, but could I get a to-go cup, please?” he looked back up.

“Of course. I’ll have it ready up at the counter,” Kuroo replied taking Tsukishima’s cup.

The kid started packing up his books as Kuroo went back over to the counter. He poured Tsukki a new cup of coffee. The mug he had before nearly cold. 

 “So where you headed? Classes?” Kuroo asked as Tsukishima came up to the counter, book bag slung over his shoulder.

“I don’t see how that concerns you,” Tsukishima frowned, grabbing for his drink.

Kuroo snatched it back. “Nope, you don’t get your coffee till I find out where you’re headed,” Kuroo put his most pleasant grin on.

Tsukishima’s frown turned into a scowl. “Work,” he bit out.

“And where do you work?”

“A music store, now give me my coffee or I’m going to be late, fired, then unemployed, and I can’t exactly not have a job right now,” Tsukishima glared, grabbed his coffee from Kuroo’s hand, then turned on heal, leaving the man at the counter slightly stunned. As he watched him leave though his signature “shit-eating” grin, as Kenma called it, graced his face.

“What did I say about fraternizing with the patrons?” Kenma muttered as he came back to the counter from delivering an order.

“Aww, come on, Kenma. I was merely having a polite conversation.”

“Hardly. I recognize the look on your face,” Kenma stared blankly back at him.

Kuroo only shrugged his shoulders at this before the next customer came in and ordered.

While jotting down the chai tea latte and turkey on sourdough order, Kuroo couldn’t stop grinning. He was going to figure out what made Tsukki tick, and then how to get him to open up. He was allowed to break the rules once, right?

~~~~~

It’d be easier to break the rules if Tsukishima actually came back to the bakery.

It’d been almost a week since Kuroo encountered the blond. It irked him. _Is he really never going to come back? Maybe I went too far asking where he worked? And music store, there’re like 20 around here, and did he mean music as in audio or instruments or both?_ There were too many contingencies in the information he had managed to pull from Tsukishima. But what worried him most was what the college student had said about not being able to afford not having a job. Sure, Kuroo and many others had a side job in college, but it was more about experience, not mandatory. And now that he thought about it he only got the Strawberry shortcake twice. He’d just gotten coffee the other times and had to be told refills didn’t cost. Was Tsukishima supporting himself through school right now? Did he need help?

“Yo, Kuroo. Earth to Kuroo! Hello!” Kuroo was snapped back from his thoughts, nearly dropping the bags of flour he was carrying.

“Bokuto! What are you doing here?” Kuroo looked at the owl-haired kid before him.

“What do you mean? It’s 5:00am on Thursday. I always come to help you on Thursday! Where is your amazing scheduling accuracy this week? You usually yell at me for being late! Come on bro!” Bokuto knocked his arm which _did_ send the flower sprawling. Luckily the bags were closed and only made a loud thud sending a small puff of flour into the air.

Kuroo looked from the bags to Bokuto who had a sheepish look on his face.

“…Sorry about that,” Bokuto hesitated before starting to bend to pick the bags up. 

“Don’t bother, Bokuto. Kuroo’s just thinking about his new crush,” Kenma interjected carrying a fresh tray of danishes out from the kitchen.

Bokuto’s jaw dropped, “What? And you haven’t told me?!”

“I do not have a crush,” Kuroo scowled.

Bokuto looked over to Kenma for confirmation.

“Oh, so ogling at the blond and obviously starting to become agitated that he hasn’t been here for almost a week are not signs of a crush,” Kenma replied.

Struck by Kenma’s analysis, Kuroo’s face blanked before twisting into skepticism.

“I can hardly have a crush on someone who I know like, three things about and has been in here for a week.”

“You knew exact counts and you keep looking at the orange chair when it’s occupied, which is where that kids sits,” Kenma starts as he places the danishes on display. “Not to mention the fact you’ve been getting a wistful look in your eye. I know what that means. It means you’re starting to like someone. It’s been that way since you fell in love with the babysitter when you were five.”

Kuroo crossed his arms defensively. “First off, I do not, and second off I am not. Tsukishima seems to have something going on with him right now. I worry. Like I do for _all_ my regulars.”

“I don’t know man, Kenma has a good argument,” Bokuto replied.

“Not to mention Tsukishima ignores him. Doesn’t stare or anything,” Kenma added.

“You know, maybe it’s you who has the crush, Kenma. You certainly know a lot about him,” Kuroo tried to tease back.

“Hardly. I observe everyone in this shop. Which you know. Since I’m the only one who can keep table numbers straight.”

“That was one time!” Bokuto and Kuroo squawked in unison.

“And once is enough to never trust either of you again. It’s incredible this place is still standing, let alone open,” the bleach-haired boy muttered while heading back to the kitchen.

“Anyways, so this kid came for a week and then hasn’t come since and you’re worried? He’s a student, probably has a test or paper coming up,” Bokuto tried to reason.

“I tried to get him to tell me where he worked because he was on his way there. He made it sound a lot more dire than most university students. Made me think something was up,” Kuroo said as Bokuto followed him into the kitchen placing the flour on the counter.

“How good looking is he?” Bokuto directed this question towards Kenma.

“Almost exactly his type. Slightly too tall,” Kenma deadpanned.

“Ah, so he’s breaking the fraternizing with the patrons rule?”

“Yup.”

“Oh come on guys. I’m allowed to break the rule once. And this one is to make sure he’s ok,” Kuroo tried to reason with them.

Kenma gave him the classic “I’m judging you so much right now and disapprove” flat stare while Bokuto just slapped him on the back.

“Well good luck, bud. You haven’t had interest in anyone since…” He fell silent. Looked nervously at Kenma and then to Kuroo. After a few seconds of quiet Bokuto cleared his throat. “Anyways, I think it’s worth rule breaking.”

“If he comes back,” Kuroo sighed.

“Bet you 1000 yen he comes back tomorrow,” Bokuto said with a grin.

“Why would he come tomorrow if he hasn’t all week?” Kuroo asked.

“What day of the week did he first come to the shop?” Bokuto continued.

“A Friday… your point?”

“Fridays are when students can unwind a bit, relax. Seems that’s what he did the first time, so he’ll probably come back then,” Bokuto replied looking extremely pleased with himself.

“Fine, you’re on,” Kuroo smiled back. “Now come on guys we open soon. Let’s get everything out on display. I still have some dough to kneed and get in the oven.”

As they all started to get back to work Kuroo couldn’t help but hope Bokuto would be right. Even if that did mean he’d be out ¥1000.

~~~ 

He was out ¥1000. But Tetsurou was ok with that. Tsukki had come back. Just as Bokuto predicted.

It was about 4:00pm when the little bell on the door had rung signaling a customer. Kuroo looked up to find the person he’d wanted to see the whole week walk through the door.

 “Strawberry shortcake and coffee?” Kuroo asked before the blond could even open his mouth.

“Umm, only coffee today. Extra cream and sugar please,” Tsukishima replied fishing his wallet out of his bag. _Why does he have to look so cute?_

“Ok, one coffee it is,” Kuroo gave him a smile. “Rough week at school?”

Tsukishima’s blank stare wavered slightly. “Something like that,” he mumbled, eyes sweeping to the side.   

“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it’ll get better,” Kuroo added turning to poor the drink and grab the cream and sugar. “Here you go!”  

“Thanks,” Tsukishima mumbled taking his drink and turned toward his usual chair.

            As Kuroo watched the kid walk away he couldn’t help but think he seemed kind of crest fallen. What happened this week? What was going through his head? Why wouldn’t he talk? Kuroo had learned talking could solve problems, make things immensely better, but he also understood the need to close off.

            As afternoon wore on into evening, Tsukishima remained stationary. He’d pulled out books almost immediately as he sat down again.

_Does that kid ever take a break?_

From how many times Kuroo’s eyes wandered to Tsukki and how every time they did he was still studying it seemed that he didn’t.

By 8:00 everyone else had cleared out of the bakery, but Tsukki hadn’t moved. Kuroo looked over his inventory sheet for the day. He noticed he had some extra strawberry shortcake and an idea struck him. Tsukki hadn’t gotten any earlier and since he’d have to send it out anyway, why not give it to the boy?

He took the leftover piece of cake and placed it on a plate. Maybe he could get Tsukishima to talk with him for a bit while he ate. It’d be worth a later night even if he did need to get up at 4 in order to get the breads started tomorrow.

“Hey, Tsukishima-san. We have some extra cake. Would you like to have it?” Kuroo called out.

No reply.

“Tsukishima?”

Again no reply.

As Kuroo walked over and rounded the side of the chair he now saw that the boy’s head was lulled forward onto his chest, his eyes closed, deeply breathing.

_So he takes breaks once he runs himself into the ground enough to fall asleep in public. Classy._

Kuroo placed the cake down on the table in front of Tsukki and shook his shoulder lightly.

“Tsukishima-san. Tsukishima, wake up,” Kuroo sung out.

Tsukki started to stir. Kuroo tried again.

“Come on. Wake up. I have cake.”

Tsukki blinked his eyes and rubbed them. He looked around a moment, and then up at Kuroo, startled.

“Ah, finally back with the living! Were your studies that boring or have you not been sleeping enough?” Kuroo asked as he took the seat next to Tsukishima’s.

The boy started to immediately gather his belongings and packing them up in a flurry. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’ll leave immediately,” he rushed.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Kuroo called as he grabbed the other’s arm to still him. Tsukishima looked up to him in confusion. “Don’t worry about it. I actually brought you over the leftover strawberry shortcake. It’s the last day it’s good and you didn’t have any today, so I thought it’d be better if you ate it.”

Tsukishima looked at Kuroo. He studied him with a skeptical look, like an act of kindness couldn’t possibly be done without ulterior motive, like Japan didn’t run on acts of random kindness and Kuroo was up to something. _That’s not to say he wasn’t, but…_

At long last Tsukishima reached for the plate. “Thank you, Kuroo-san,” he replied formally.

Kuroo settled back into his seat. Happy that the other man had accepted the treat.

“So are you studying geology?” Tetsurou motioned towards the book that had managed to escape Tsukki’s bag and remain on his lap.

Tsukishima shook his head. “Paleontology,” he replied simply.

“Oh! Dinosaurs correct? That’s incredible!” Kuroo leaned forward in his chair excitedly. “Have you done any excavations or lab work?”

“Um, not much yet. I was actually trying to get into a professors lab and have been having some trouble,” Tsukishima looked down at his plate and picked at a strawberry.

“Hmm, yeah. Labs can be hard to get in to. I had the hardest time getting into the chemistry lab I worked in when I was at school. Just needs a bit of perseverance and meeting the right people. It all will work out in the end though,” Kuroo smiled at him.

Tsukki huffed still picking at the cake. _That bad of luck so far, huh?_

“So, what got you interested in paleontology? You go to a lot of museums and on hikes with your dad?” Kuroo tried again.

Tsukishima hesitated again to answer, but more as if trying to decide what to say. “No, my dad wasn’t around to do anything like that. My mom got me a book when I was young and I’ve been enraptured ever since,” he slowed down at the end of the sentence, slipping into thought.

Kuroo remained silent, waiting for him to continue. He noticed Tsukki’s eyes softened when he was lost in thought. It was almost mesmerizing.

“Anyways it’s not really that interesting,” Tsukki broke his silence, looking back towards Kuroo, eyes hard once again. “My family doesn’t even think so.” He looked back down at the cake and took a bite looking to the side again.

Kuroo frowned at the comment. He’d seen many of his friends go through dealing with the disapproval of their family for what they decided to do in life. Heck, Bokuto’s parents still didn’t agree with his decision to stick with theater school. But something about the way Tsukishima said it made it seem to be a half-truth, worried Kuroo even more.

“This is really good by the way. Thank you.”

Caught off guard by the comment, Kuroo slipped into a smile. “Thanks. I’m very glad to hear you like it. It’s my specialty,” he beamed.

Tsukishima let out a small laugh, his mouth almost forming a smile, but still miles away from a real one.

“It’s my favorite dessert and actually the reason I came in here in the first place.”

“I’m glad you did,” he said softly, trying not to scare off this odd soft version of the rock hard boy whose shell wouldn’t crack.

But it didn’t work. In fact, what Kuroo said seemed to be the exact _wrong_ thing because as soon as it left his mouth, Tsukki looked up, put the cake down and hurried to grab his last few books.

“Thank you again for the cake, but I need be going. It’s getting late and I’m sure you have to be up early, Kuroo-san.” With that the blond bowed and was through the door of the shop before Kuroo could say another word.


	3. Through Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head.” ~Stone Sour

 “Tsukishima, did you get those vinyls from the back and put them out yet?” Akaashi asked leaning against the counter while Kei was doing an inventory check.

 _Shit_. “Ummm, no. I haven’t gotten to that quite yet,” he replied.

“Ok, no problem. I’ll go grab ‘em. Keep an eye on the counter,” he called over his shoulder as he went to the back.

Kei sighed and looked at his tally of CDs, records, and the other odds and ends sold in the store. Not only was it Monday, but his brain had been on the fritz… all weekend. He’d lost count, what, 5 times already? If he hadn’t he would’ve gotten to the vinyls already. And this was all because his mind kept insisting on wondering back to last Friday night. To the fact that Kuroo had woken him up, given him cake, and talked to him like what he said or thought mattered. And in the process of thinking about it all weekend, Kei had come to just one conclusion.

This had to stop. _Needed_ to stop. Now. He wasn’t interested in that bed-headed, cat eyed, grinning fool. He wasn’t. He didn’t need a friend. He didn’t need anybody. He’d done fine for himself the past few months. School and work. That’s all he needed, all he wanted. The fact that the guy had noticed Kei was gone for most the week, and that he’d had a bad week at that, meant nothing.

The booming of the 1812 Overture finale startled Kei from his thoughts and signaled a new customer. He glanced up. When he saw who it was he smiled slightly. It was a regular he swore had listened to every album known to man, Japanese, American, or otherwise.

“Haga-san, welcome,” Kei called out. It received a soft smile and a shake of his head in response.

“Tsukishima, how many times have I told you to call me Daiki? I see you at least three times a week if not more,” he chuckled quietly. “Not to mention you give the best recommendations,” he added with a wink.

“I could hardly disrespect our most valued customer,” Kei smiled as he walked over to see what records Haga-san was looking at.

“Still. At least drop the honorific,” he smiled. “So what new records have come in this week? Have you had a chance to listen to them yet?”

The slight pleasantness on Kei’s face dissipated, his signature scowl replacing it. He cleared his throat. “School was a bit rough this past week and I was only able to listen to Mumford & Sons new album _Wilder Mind_.”

“And?”

“Not bad. Their sound changed significantly from the first two albums, but it’s still them. Considering you liked the first two I think it’s definitely worth the listen.”

“Ok, duly noted. Thoughts on Hoshino Gen’s new song, SUN?”

“It’s over played, and did you seriously just ask me about pop?” Kei raised his eyebrow. “You should know by now I don’t like pop music no matter what the language,” he added teasingly.

“I know you prefer American and British bands, but just making sure you’re keeping up to date on all genres,” Haga smiled again and glanced at the inventory sheet in Kei’s hand. “But I should let you get back to work. Don’t mind me wandering about.”

“It was nice speaking to you again. Have a nice day,” Kei bowed slightly then turned to the sheet and sighed. Why was the thing he was trying _not_ to think about the first thing to come to mind once his distraction was gone?

Kei walked back to the shelf he was working on before Haga-san came in. Why was he thinking so much about the bedheaded baker anyway? He was rude half the time and made fun of him. Did he actually really care? _No one really cares. It’s an act. All of it._

 _But he had said he was glad I came_. Once that thought entered his head he sneered. What did that have to do with anything? He was a customer. Of course the owner of a shop would be happy a customer came. Nothing more nothing less.

            He looked at his inventory sheet and back up to the shelf. _Shit_. His count for KONGOS album _Lunatic_ was off… Again.

            Sighing and rubbing his temples, he stood up. He needed to go see if Ukai-san was in the back and then tell Akaashi. He was not up for inventory and he knew how important it was. They’d understand.

            As he turned to head to the back the front door opened and set of the 5 second version of the 1812 Overture’s finale went off again. _I really need to tell Ukai-san we should change that to something less jarring. Like Moonlight Sonata…_

            “Hey, Tsukishima! Where’s Akaashi?!” Bokuto burst through the doors making Kei jump slightly.

            Just what he needed. The ball of energy that was Bokuto bringing a storm into his quiet little harbor.

“In the back grabbing…” he stopped short when he noticed Bokuto wasn’t alone. Kei balked.

The one and only Kuroo Tetsuro had just walked into Amadeus Records with his co-worker’s boyfriend.

No, no, no, no.

This was not happening.

“Tsukishima? This is the music store you work at?!” Kuroo exclaimed, obviously much happier to see Kei than Kei was to see him.

Bokuto looked confusedly between the two for a few seconds until something seemed to click and his face lit up like sparklers in the summer.

“Wait, Kuroo, _this_ is the Tsukish,” he was cut off by a swift elbow to the ribs from Kuroo.

Kei looked at the two of them for a second and decided it wasn’t worth the energy and turned to go to the back of the store and grab Akaashi ignoring the fact that Kuroo had stepped forward to talk.

Kei sprinted to the back room.

“Akaashi, Bokuto’s here. I’ll grab the records,” he rushed in.

Akaashi looked up from the box he was digging through.

“Oh, he’s early. Ok, I’ll go see if I can get the monkey under control. Just make sure you pick good ones, ok?” he gave Kei a small smirk.

“You know as well as I do I only pick the best,” Kei fell into the banter they usually shared in the shop with ease. Akaashi liked to tease Kei about his music preferences. “All alternative-folk-emo-rock no one’s ever heard of,” he’d joke, trying to bunch as many genres he knew Kei listened to into one. But he left the choices Kei made up anyway.

Kei fell into the easy rhythm of sifting through records, picking one every now and then to be displayed (some new ones put out by the “hipster” crowd and some old classics like _The White Album_ by The Beatles). He was in a debate with himself whether to put out another copy of The Rolling Stone’s Greatest Hits or not when he heard footsteps behind him.

He turned, hoping it was Ukai-san so he could get his opinion, only to find Kuroo in the doorway. A frown set on his face as he turned back to the records.

“You’re not supposed to be back here,” Kei said flipping to the next album in the box.

“Akaashi said it was fine if I came back,” Kuroo replied with what Kei was recognizing to be his signature grin and he hated it.

“I don’t see why you needed to come back in the first place,” Kei retorted still flipping through records, not seeing the titles anymore.

“You left pretty abruptly Friday. I wanted to see if you were ok,” he shrugged nonchalantly, like worrying about Kei was the most normal thing in the world.

When Kei didn’t deem the comment worthy of response, Kuroo continued.

“You know I’m surprised I haven’t seen you here before. This is the shop I get the music for my store from. When did you start working here?” he asked as he came up beside Kei and started to browse the boxes of records with him.

Is that why Kei recognized so much of the music played in the store? And why he seemed to have themed days? Kei only noticed it once he started going more often, but the music stuck to genre or period each day.

“I don’t know, a few months.” _Since my mom disowned me_.

            “Huh, you must not work Sundays then. That’s when I usually come in,” Kuroo said trying to continue the conversation.

            Kei just nodded in acknowledgement.

            Kuroo stopped looking at the records and turned his gaze to Kei. It had a perplexed look to it, as if Kei were a puzzle he couldn’t solve and if he just looked at him from the right angle it’d all be clear.

            “Not one for talking much, huh?” Kuroo commented, turning fully towards Kei.

            Kei shrugged his shoulders, “Schedules don’t exactly whip me into a verbal frenzy.”

            “Well then what about music? What’s your favorite genre? Or should I guess?” Kuroo smiled.

            Kei just kept flipping through records as if nothing had been said.

            Kuroo took this as his queue to start guessing. “Alternative rock? Punk? Emo. Wait… Don’t tell me, pop.” He said his last guess with a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

            Kei couldn’t control himself anymore after that one. His scowl intensified and he dropped his hands from the box he was going through. He directed his angry gaze towards the intruder for a second and then turned away, leaving Kuroo as quickly as possible.

            “So it is pop! That’s funny I would’ve thought you were more the moody alternative rock type,” Kuroo called to him.

            Kei stalled on the spot and whipped back around toward the beaming man.

“No. It is _not_ pop, and if you had any lick of sense in you, you would’ve figured out that I only listen to quality music. But you haven’t. So just stop, ok. Stop.” Kei shot back, turning on heel to march back out of the room. He made a beeline for the front door, ignoring the puzzled looks coming from Bokuto and Akaashi. Once he was out of the building, he rounded the corner to the ally by the store and sat on the upturned crate that resided there.

Head in his hands, Kei took a few deep breaths to try and recompose himself. He hadn’t shown that much emotion to anyone or in reaction to anything in… he didn’t know how long. All he knew was he didn’t need anyone trying to get under his skin. Not today, or any day, and especially not Kuroo.

~~~

            Once he recollected himself, Kei went back into the shop. A rush of relief went through him when he noticed Bokuto was gone and Akaashi seemed to be watching the door like a hawk.

            “You ok, Tsukishima?” Akaashi asked warily. “Was that one of your panic attacks? Do you need anything?”

            “I’m fine,” Kei lied immediately. “It was just a small one. Did Bokuto leave?”

            “Yeah. I told him and Kuroo to go on ahead so I could make sure you were ok,” Akaashi answered.

            “Then you better go catch up. Sorry about that,” he added as he came up to the counter.

            Akaashi looked at him again, concern laced through his features.

            “Did Kuroo say something? Because I know he can cross the line sometimes, but he never has ill intentions.”

            “No. It’s fine, we were just chatting and I got a bit anxious. That’s all I promise,” Kei smiled as the lie rolled off his tongue with ease.

            Akaashi gave him one more skeptical look before relinquishing. “Ok. I’m headed out. Ukai is still in the office. I’ll see you tomorrow, Tsukishima. Take care.”

            “Same to you, Akaashi.”

Once Akaashi left Kei sighed and looked around the currently empty store. At least he had some peace and quiet for a bit.

~~~

 

            The fact that it was Monday made the rest of Kei’s shift and closing up the shop easy. Only a few more people came through and promptly at 9:00pm he pulled in the sidewalk sign, locked the door, turned the lights off, stopped by Ukai’s office to let him know he was leaving, and was out the back door.

            He pulled out his phone immediately. Almost 9:30, he still had an hour or two before Akiteru called. The 16 hour time difference was killing him. Luckily, Akiteru got up early enough to talk to him after he got home from work on Mondays.

            He took a deep breath. The air was just starting to cool off, the lingering summer heat dissipated by the oncoming autumn breezes. Second semester meant autumn was coming, and autumn meant no more unrelenting heat. It calmed him as he pulled out his headphones. His ears were itching for music even though he’d been surrounded by it for the last six hours.

            Once he had a steady beat and sufficient lyrics to block out all thought, he headed back to his apartment. There were still people milling about the streets, students and businessmen headed back home. When he finally approached the stairs to his apartment, he paused a moment to listen. He didn’t hear anything, but that meant nothing. Makoto-san from the third floor could still spring out of nowhere and hold him hostage, requiring him to stand silently while listening to her recount how “when she was a girl, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”

            Thankfully he was able to make it up the 4 flights of stairs, open his door, and enter his room unscathed by social interaction. He turned on the light and blinked at his surroundings. It was sparse. There were a few band posters dotting the walls, but other than that he just had a futon, his sound system, a book shelf, and kotatsu, but he didn’t need more than that. Throwing his bag down by the door, he sighed and went over to the cabinet to pull down a cup ramen.

            As he filled the dry noodles with water and put it in the microwave, he felt his phone start buzzing. He pressed start and answered as quickly as he could.

            “Akiteru?” he answered, slight excitement seeping into his voice.

            “Hey, Kei,” Akiterua replied with a yawn. “How are you doing?”

            “Not bad. You know, the usual,” Kei shrugged.

            “You just get back from work?” Akiteru continued as running water began trickling in the background.

            “Yeah,” Kei sighed.

            He heard Akiteru chuckle a bit. “Work that bad today? Was the store busy?”

            The microwave beeper went off and Kei grabbed his noodles.

            “No, it was actually pretty slow and Haga-san came in.”

            “Oh, that’s the guy who you said knows every album ever right?”

            “Yeah. We only chatted a little today, but he’s pretty cool. I wish I could just see his album collection. It has to be incredible.” Kei glanced at his own collection set up on the top shelf. Even though his digital collection was pretty big, he enjoyed hard copies more, but a lot of those were back at his mom’s. Or were. She’d probably thrown them away by now.

            “Maybe you could ask to see it. He probably has things you’ve never heard of. It might be fun,” Akiteru continued.

            Kei took a bite of his ramen. “I wouldn’t want to impose on him that way.”

            “If the two of you talk as often as you’ve indicated, I doubt he would see it as an imposition,” Akiteru replied. “But that reminds me, what went wrong with your day if work went well?”

            Kei hesitated. He hadn’t told Akiteru about Kuroo or the bakery yet. Did he even want to? He wasn’t exactly planning on going back. Not after today…

            “Kei,” Akiteru prompted him, dragging out his name in warning.

            “Well, a few weeks ago I stopped by a bakery coffee shop place when I was going home after class. The window claimed it had the best strawberry shortcake in Tokyo.”

            “Yeah? Well we both know how weak you are for that desert. How was it?”

            “Ridiculously good. I don’t think the sign lied which kind of ticked me off. But, I’ve been going back relatively often and the owner seemed to notice. I mean, he noticed the first day I came in I was a new customer.”

“Wow, that’s impressive,” Akiteru commented.

“Yeah, and he’s actually really young, maybe a year or so under you? But, he actually talks to me when I come in, and it’s almost like he wants to be friends…”

“That’s great, Kei!” Akiteru exclaimed making Kei wince.

“I’m not so sure about that. He’s kind of annoying…” he countered.

“Kei, you think everyone is annoying,” Akiteru said flatly.

“I don’t think you’re annoying,” Kei replied sweetly.

“So have you actually talked to him much?”

“I mean, a bit, but well, I… I just don’t think I need another friend or anything right now. I’m still having a hard time finding a lab to work in, and I need to focus on school. It’s already the second semester and I can’t exactly lose my scholarship,” Kei rushed out.

Akiteru sighed, “Look, Kei, I know you’ve been having a really hard time lately, and I’m sorry I’m not closer to help you out more, but you need friends. You can’t isolate yourself from everyone around you. And you said you’ve been going back to the bakery, so this guy can’t be too annoying.”

“I did also tell you that this place has the best strawberry short cake in Tokyo,” Kei rolled his eyes. It was obvious he only went for that (even when he didn’t buy any).

“Ok, but what’d he do today that made it so bad?” Akiteru replied getting back to the point at hand.

Kei cringed. He could never keep Akiteru off topic for long, no matter how hard he tried.

“I mean, well… I don’t know,” Kei tried.

“Kei, seriously. He wasn’t harassing you or anything was he?” Akiteru’s voice had an edge to it that only came out when he started to get over protective.

“No, no, nothing like that,” Kei replied quickly then sighed. He took a second to calculate whether he could get out of explaining to Akiteru how he’d lost his temper and stormed out of the store. The patient silence on the other end of the line indicated that was a negative, so he took a deep breath and continued. “He ended up at my work today.”

“And?”

Kei shuffled his feet, “He teases, and I just couldn’t take it and snapped.”

“Was it a panic attack? I thought you’d been doing better recently, Kei,” Akiteru rushed out worriedly.

“No, no, it wasn’t nearly that bad. I played it off as that. I just, he like, digs at people,” Kei tried putting his irritation towards the man into words.

“Ok, well, I’m sure he means well. Just try a bit more. I worry about you when I can’t be around. It’d put me more at ease if I knew there some more people around you that you can rely on.”

“I promise, Akiteru, I’m fine. I’m doing really well. Just a few things to iron out for school and all,” Kei reassured him.

“Ok. Well, I need to get going for work, but I’ll talk to you later. Sleep well.”

“K, have a good day, Akiteru. Talk to you later,” he replied.

After Akiteru had hung up, Kei sighed and looked at his now cold cup of noodles, then at his nearly vacant apartment.

 _Yup_ , he thought as he grabbed the noodles and threw them in the trash, _I’m fine._ He switched off the light, walked back to his futon, and flopped on it. _It will all be fine_.

~~~~

It was not fine. He’d been up most of the last two nights contemplating the un-fineness of it all, actually, and it had brought him here. Where was here? Well, for one thing, not where Kei had been planning to be. He still wasn’t exactly sure why he was standing there. Especially when he just finished class and actually had a free afternoon for once that he should be using to go find some lab work or go to the museum and see if they needed volunteers. Why on earth _would_ he be standing in front of the obnoxiously red door after what happened Monday? Why would he put himself through the agony of seeing Kuroo again? Only two days after the fact no less.

_Cause you’re an idiot, that’s why._

He continued to stand there contemplating whether entering was a good idea or not when a voice sounded from behind him.

            “You know, doors tend to work a bit better if you open them.”

He spun around to find Kuroo standing there.

“So,” Kuroo tried again. “Are you going to go in or not?”

Kei just stared.

“Suit yourself,” Kuroo mumbled as he scooched past Kei.

The movement jostled Kei back into reality. “Hey! Wait! Aren’t you supposed to be inside?”

Kuroo turned back to look at him. “You know it’s not like I’m confined to my shop during the day like some magical beast. We ran out of double extra strength vanilla, so I went to grab some,” he replied, holding up the shopping bag as proof to his claim.

When Kei didn’t respond once gain he continued to walk into his store, leaving the door open for the indecisive boy behind him.

Kei finally took a deep breath and followed, looking around nervously as if an alarm would go off. All he saw were a few occupied tables of students vigorously at work and the barista with bleach tipped hair.

When he looked up towards the counter, Kuroo had already returned from the kitchen and was looking at him expectantly, lacking the excitement he had come to expect from the man.

“Uhh,” he tried to form words, “Ummm, I’ll have a coffee and strawberry shortcake,” Kei asked more than said.

“Ok, 840 yen,” Kuroo said opening the register. Kei passed over the money, still waiting for Kuroo to say something more, but all he got was a, “Please take a seat and I’ll have it right out for you,” as if Kei were any other customer.

It took a second for Kei to move, and once he did his stomach started to sink just like it did before the drop off on roller coasters. He hated roller coasters. Because he hated that feeling. _This was a really bad idea_. _Really, really bad idea_.

 He sat in his usual chair in the back corner and stared blankly at the wall, hands fidgeting with the receipt he hadn’t even realized was given to him. He was just about to get up and leave without his coffee and cake when the barista, _What’s his name? Is it Kenma? Does it matter? You’ve been here enough you should know it…_ set them on the table in front of him. Kei expected the boy to leave, but after a moment of his standing there he looked up towards a slightly unnerving blank stare. Unsure of what to do, Kei just muttered a quick, “Thanks,” and turned back towards his food.

“You know Tetsurou’s been worried about you,” the barista said.

Kei looked up, “What?” he asked in confusion.

“He thinks you’re going through something right now that you won’t talk about. He wants to help. That’s just how he is. He doesn’t know how to keep his nose out of other people’s business for the life of him. He’s been that way since we were kids,” he stated and then turned away, leaving Kei to stare at his cake.

  _Who’s Tetsu-_ Kei’s eyes widened as he remembered Kuroo’s first name.

Worried, that’s what Kenma said. Worried. _Why? Why would Kuroo be worried about me? Why would he take an ounce of energy to care? People didn’t just care._

Kei could name a grand total of two people who actually genuinely cared about him. One’s Akiteru and the other’s Yamaguchi. Ok, maybe three or four if you count Akaashi and Ukai-san, but that was about it.

He looked back up toward the counter. Kuroo wasn’t there anymore. Kei’s fingers tapped anxiously against the side of his chair, mouth downturned in a perplexed frown.

If Kuroo had cared, he certainly didn’t now. Not after what Kei did at the record shop. Kei had a thorny personality. It didn’t completely alienate everybody. Just… kept them away.

But Kuroo wasn’t like others. He pushed back. It was unnerving, but somehow… welcome? Kei didn’t let people in. Let anyone affect him. _The last time you did, look what happened. Fall for a charming smile and unkempt hair just to be chucked out the door for someone else and disowned by your mom_.

Kei sighed and looked at his untouched cake. It looked like Kuroo had stopped pushing.

_What the hell am I supposed to do now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “So while you’re outside looking in, describing what you see, remember what you’re looking at is me.”
> 
> Hey everyone! Sorry it took so long to post, but I just moved to Japan! I also have extremely limited internet access (try only when I decide to commute to Starbucks). If you have questions about that experience PM me and I have a tumblr blog for it! Also my regular blog is zukes-babe. When you guys leave feedback it makes my day! Hope you all enjoyed the chapter and have an awesome Friday! Stay awesome!
> 
> (also special thanks to windflicker and SheenaChan for proofing!)


	4. Cannonball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So come on, courage, teach me to be shy  
> 'Cause it's not hard to fall  
> And I don't wanna scare her  
> It's not hard to fall  
> And I don't wanna lose”
> 
> ~Damien Rice

 

He was still there. It was an hour till close and he was still there. Kuroo sighed. He hadn’t even talked to the blonde beyond taking his order that afternoon. Actually, why had he come in the first place after screaming at him on Monday?

He went back to the kitchen. _Maybe he’s not as angry as I thought? Maybe, it was just a bad day…_

“You should go talk to him,” Kuroo started at the sound of Kenma’s voice coming from the kitchen entry way.

“I’m not sure he’d appreciate that,” Kuroo answered truthfully.

“I beg to differ. He’s been sitting out there fidgeting for,” he glance at the clock, “four hours and hasn’t even touched his cake,” Kenma replied looking Kuroo squarely in the eye. “He also keeps glancing back to the counter at you if you hadn’t, noticed,” he added.

Of course Kuroo had noticed, it was hard not to when he’d been keeping an eye on Tsukishima most of the afternoon. He wanted to say that the whole time he didn’t talk to Tsukki was a plan to draw him in, to get him to talk to Kuroo, but after last week… he wasn’t so sure.

“Kenma, I don’t know if pushing him at this point is a good idea,” Kuroo tried again.

“If there were any point to push at it’d be now. Which I know you know since you’re a master of pushing,” Kenma refuted.

“Says the person who has repeatedly told me not to fraternize with the patrons,” Kuroo retorted.

“That was before I got used to him sulking in the corner. And you already broke that rule with him, so you might as well keep going,” Kenma added.

Kuroo eyed him and sighed. “Fine, if he’s still here at close I’ll talk to him, but I need to get the prep for tomorrow started,” Kuroo replied to his friend’s skeptical look.

Kenma studied him a bit longer, eyes steady and unreadable, but Kuroo knew he was formulating something in that head of his that he probably didn’t want to hear.

“Look, I know that Tsukishima’s outburst made you feel like you dug a little too deep. I get that, but Kuroo, you haven’t really tried to reach out to anyone in years,” Kuroo started to object, but Kenma waved his hand and held firm. “I don’t mean all the people you small talk regularly with in the shop. I mean someone you’ve opened up to, like me and Bokuto and Akaashi.”

Kuroo gave Kenma a side glance as he started to pull out ingredients from the cupboard for tomorrow’s red velvet cupcake special.

“I think whatever it is you feel that’s pulling you toward this kid, might mean you need help from him as much as he needs help from you.”

At this, Kuroo’s arms dropped to his side as he turned to stare at the shorter man. His mouth wobbled a bit as if he were about to say something, but nothing came out. Yes, Kuroo had his own set of problems, but he’d them figured out. He was balanced again. He was happy again. He didn’t need Kenma to go and remind him of… **_Boom_** _!_ A box of sprinkles fell from the cabinet bringing him back from his thoughts He cursed colorfully as he turned around to find little red specks littering the floor.

“When the hell did you start using so many fucking words, Kenma?” Kuroo asked, slightly aggravated as he reached for the broom.

“When I had to start writing a twenty page essay each week for school and your sorry ass stopped figuring out how to keep going,” a small smile played at the corner of his lips.

Kuroo tried to smile when he turned towards him, but even that couldn’t cover the small sadness in his eyes when he replied, “Yeah, well this sorry ass has to sweep up sprinkles now, but, as I said, I promise to talk with Tsukki if he stays till close, k?”

“Ok. I’m going back out to man the counter. Don’t waste anymore ingredients,” he said glancing at the floor before leaving Kuroo to clean mess of red.

~~~~~

He walked out of the kitchen at closing to find the blonde still parked in his seat. As he got closer he saw exhaustion and worry written on his face. It softened him. Kuroo didn’t want to be an extra weight on Tsukishima’s life. He wanted to help him feel lighter.

“Hey. You know that cake is the best in Tokyo. You can’t possibly let it go to waste,” Kuroo called out softly.

Tsukishima turned in surprise, tensing even more, if that was possible.

“I’ll eat it, don’t worry,” he said, an edge to his voice.

“You do know its closing time, right?” Kuroo asked, eyebrow raised.

Tsukishima bristled again. “I’ll take it to go then and get out of your hair,” he replied evenly and began to stack his books.

“I wasn’t saying you had to leave.”

This made Tsukishima stop and look at him again questioningly.

Kuroo sighed, “Look, I’m sorry if I said something on Monday that upset or triggered you in some way. I didn’t mean to,” he said rubbing the back of his neck.

Tsukishima blinked a few times and looked away.

“I’m sorry too,” he whispered back. “It’s been…” he paused, searching for the word, “rough,” he huffed.

Kuroo’s face softened in understanding for the other boy and smiled slightly.

“Yeah, juggling school and work can’t be easy,” Kuroo replied. He wouldn’t tell the boy the fact things had been ‘rough’ was written in the weariness on his face, the tiredness in his eyes, and a bone deep fatigue that emanated from him. No one ever wants to hear others can tell how exhausted they are.

Tsukishima looked back up, his body visibly relaxing as a small smirk graced his lips, “That and trying to find a lab to work in.”

“It’ll come. It took me a while to find one too,” Kuroo smiled back, a touch of sadness in his voice. “But you should eat your cake. I’d be sad if a piece of it went to waste.”

In response, Tsukishima picked up his plate and took a bite and chewed thoughtfully, his expression turning quizzical as he tilted his head and looked at the speaker in the corner of the cafe.

“Are you seriously playing ‘Spirit in the Sky’ by Norman Greebaum?”

Kuroo’s mouth dropped open slightly. “You can actually name that song off hand?”

“Yeah… why? It’s catchy, American, 1970s,” Tsukishima asked his brow furrowed like anyone should know that fact.

“That’s exactly why you shouldn’t be able to name it off hand and yeah I am seriously playing it because if you hadn’t noticed it’s 70’s music day,” Kuroo replied, mock offended.

Tsukishima looked down at the cake, “I didn’t really notice the music when I came in today.”

The tension in his shoulders reemerged.

“Sorry, about that. Things haven’t been precisely smooth for me either lately,” Kuroo replied, hoping Tsukishima would read between the lines.

He took another bite of cake and glanced at Kuroo. “I still don’t get how you make this so delicious. Even after sitting out for hours it’s somehow still perfect, how do you manage it?”

 _Making it millions of times, experimenting, studying the chemistry of baking, practicing over and over for someone who’d never be able to have it_. “That’s a secret,” Kuroo raised his eyebrows with a mischievous smile.

Tsukishima snorted, a smile trying to break the smirk he held. “Well that’s no fun.”

“I can hardly give away trade secrets now can I? For all I know you could be here to steal it for a competitor,” Kuroo joked.

This time a smile did break through its bonds as Tsukishima actually laughed in full. Kuroo never expected such a small thing to warm him so much.

“You know I’m a student. I have no reason to want the recipe.”

“If you got the recipe you could make it yourself,” Kuroo reasoned.

“I don’t have time for that,” Tsukishima sighed then added, “or an oven.”

“That’s ok. I only have a toaster at my place,” Kuroo smiled.

Tsukishima took another bite and they sat in amicable silence until Kuroo noticed the boy’s phone on the table and grabbed it. Before Tsukishima realized he had it, Kuroo had the blonde’s contacts open.

“Hey! Give that back!” Tsukishima tried to grab for his phone, but Kuroo just pulled back, turning away from the grabbing hands. Only once he typed in his number, saved the contact, and messaged himself did he turn back towards a glaring Tsukishima and hand him his phone.

“We can hardly be friends if you don’t have my number right?” Kuroo replied to the other’s still skeptical look.

After a moment of hesitation Tsukishima mumbled, “Yeah, I guess, not.”

Kuroo smiled, “You do know this means you’ll have to carry on civil conversation when I ask how your day’s been now right? No more looking at me like I’m crazy and shooting back snarky comments.”

Tsukishima snorted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We just had one in my book, but never expect it to happen again. Being my friend comes with an extra dose of snark on the side since I don’t have to be polite all the time anymore,” he smiled as he took a bite of cake.

“I’m beginning to wonder if I shouldn’t have just left you sitting here,” Kuroo replied playfully.

“Then you’d of had to eat the cake yourself,” the blonde placed the now empty plate on the table. “But I actually need to head out. I have an early class tomorrow.”

“Well I hope you have fun with that,” Kuroo said standing.

“Advanced O-chem is hardly fun,” Tsukishima replied.

“Wait, you’re in chem classes?”

“What else do you think we use for the absolute dating of fossils?” Tsukishima scoffed.

“Well if you need help that’s what I majored in,” Kuroo provided casually.

Tsukishima paused for a second, mulling it over, “I might take you up on that.”

“You have my number now so just message,” Kuroo couldn’t help but grin at the fact he hadn’t been turned down outright at the offer.

Tsukishima headed for the door and Kuroo followed. When they reached the entrance, he turned back to face the raven haired baker.

“Um, I, I’ll see you later then,” Tsukishima stuttered.

“See you later,” Kuroo smiled. Tsukishima turned to leave, but paused and looked back up at the speakers. “By the way, ‘Here Comes the Sun’ is from the 60’s, so you got it on the wrong day. Just so you know.”

“No way, it’s 70’s for sure.” Kuroo would not take any criticism of his playlists for the shop. He and Akaashi worked way too hard on them.

“Nope,” he smirked, “Abbey Road, 1969. While close, still not the 70’s,” Tsukishima added before turning and walking down the street.

“It’s close enough!” Kuroo called. All he got was an awkward backwards wave in return. After he watched the boy disappear he couldn’t help the rush of joy he felt at breaking through Tsukishima’s wall. He closed the door and started singing “Here comes the sun” at the top of his lungs as he closed up for the night.

~~~~~~ 

Kuroo was amazed by how quickly the two fell into a new pattern. Tsukishima came in nearly every day. Sometimes he’d bring in his chemistry work for help, sometimes he’d just come to chat. Kuroo didn’t really care what the reason was. There was something about having him there that made the bakery seem brighter. Conversation topics didn’t stray much from school and work at first, but then Kuroo started to discover small things about the blonde. He’d adjust his glasses a bit when embarrassed, he chewed on the end of his pen when concentrating on an assignment, his permanent scowl would soften when he talked about paleontology and music.

“And did you know that in all technicality dinosaurs aren’t actually extinct?” His eyes were bright, a small smile gracing his lips.

Kuroo raised his eyes dubiously at the question. Tsukishima’s paleontology class had just moved from the basic “rocks for jocks” material, as the blonde called it, into more of the paleontological aspect of the class and Tsukishima was ecstatic, for the last few days all he could do was tell Kuroo every new fact he learned whether Kuroo wanted to know or not, but this was taking it a bit far.

“No seriously!” he exclaimed. “They’re all around us. They just grew wings and got smaller.”

“Really? You’re using the bird thing?”

“It’s true though! There’s a reason I have to take so many biology classes you know. Basically birds evolved from dinosaurs in a patchwork evolution over 80 million years before they took flight about a 150 million years ago. The first bird in the fossil record is Archaeopteryx, and do you know how many feathered dinosaurs have been discovered recently?” Tsukishima explained with the seriousness of an actual professor.

“So we eat dinosaurs,” Kuroo smiled.

“That’s really what you got from what I just told you?” The other boy’s face fell into a look of disbelief.

“I guess humans are the superior race.”

Tsukishima scoffed, “Hardly. Humans are a blink of an eye on the earth. Absolutely nothing in comparison to how long dinosaurs roamed the planet.”

“Hopefully we have a bit longer to go if our track record of ingenuity can win out,” Kuroo added. “Shouldn’t the paleontological record have something to say about that?

“Tsk. That would be a job for the archaeological record, seeing as it’s the human record. The paleontological record documents all _life_ on earth. The archaeological record consists of material culture deposited by humans. Paleontology is so much more than that. It’s the study of the history of life on earth. All life. Ever. And here I thought you actually knew the difference between the two.” Tsukishima’s brows furrowed, almost as if he were disappointed.

“Oh, I know the difference,” Kuroo’s smile spread wide across his face. “I was just wondering if you did.”

Impossibly, Tsukishima’s scowl deepened just making Kuroo’s smile grow wider as he wiped the counters.

They continued in silence for a bit before Kuroo broke it.

“Oh, yeah, Tsukishima, there’s an event going on in Ueno Park this week I wanted to check out. The weather should be really nice too. You wanna go with?”

There was a beat of silence. “What’s the event?”

“The National Museum of Nature and Science is having an open fair day, I thought you might like to go,” Kuroo smiled. It was smaller, but no less genuine than his grin.

“Oh, that? Yeah it’s been advertised at school for a while. The posters are everywhere,” he replied, trying to look like he had returned to his homework, but Kuroo knew better.

“That wasn’t a reply to the question,” Kuroo sang out after Tsukishima continued his silence a bit longer.

Tsukishima looked at him with a blank stare. “I mean, I guess I could go. There’s supposed to be a paleontology booth,” replied nonchalantly.

“Perfect,” his smile grew, “Where would you like to meet? The station, somewhere on campus? The fair is going to be held in the larger mall area outside the museum. You know, the big open space right before you hit the fountain and get to the art museum.”

“Umm, I’ll probably be on campus earlier in the day, so would you be ok meeting at Ikenohata Gate?” Tsukishima suggested.

“Great, that’s the gate closest to the park right?” Kuroo asked.

“Yeah, it’s kinda small, but it’s also right by Sakaiinari Shrine, so,” Tsukishima trailed off.

“Sounds good. There’s also another bakery by the station I want to check out, so do you mind if we stop by their afterwards?” Kuroo added.

“You own a bakery, why would you want to go to another one?” Tsukishima raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“It may be on the other side of Ueno from my place, but it’s still good to scope out the competition! I will not have a second rate bakery just because another one has lion shaped melon pan!” Kuroo scowled.

Tsukishima chuckled a bit, “Good, then if we’re going to scope out the competition then I’ll know where to go so I don’t have to come here anymore.”

“Aww, Tsukki, don’t be like that!” Kuroo pouted, then froze when he realized what he’d just let slip out.

Tsukishima’s face went cold. “Don’t call me that,” he snapped.

“What, no nick names?” Kuroo teased.

Tsukishima just looked away.

“Fine. I won’t call you nicknames if you promise not to betray the bakery and go somewhere else,” Kuroo replied, trying to lighten the mood.

An almost smile flitted across Tsukishima’s face.

“Fine, deal. It’s not like I could find another place that gives me the leftover strawberry shortcake anyway.”

“And you’re damned luck I do that too. Now get back to those solvent questions or you’ll be doing them all weekend and won’t get to go to the fair.”

Tsukishima scowled, but bent back over his work as Kuroo went about cleaning tables.

~~~~~~

Kuroo stood by Ikenohata Gate, leaning against a small guard rail. He stared through the gate towards one of the most prestigious universities in the world, sure this entrance opened to the back end of a hill, but it still pained him a bit. He fidgeted a bit hoping the blonde would hurry.

It’d been a while since Kuroo had been on, or for that matter near, a university campus. It brought memories of a different time flooding back, some good, but also some he didn’t particularly want to remember.

Fortunately, before any could take hold, he spotted Kei making his way down the hill. “Can you take any longer? What good are your long legs if you move so slowly?!” Kuroo called out. He was rewarded with a death glare to which he simply smiled.

Once Tsukishima made it all the way down he greeted Kuroo with, “Do you have to be so loud?”

“Yes, yes, I do. Now, are you ready to go see the wonders of science?” Kuroo replied enthusiastically.

“Tch, I’ve just been studying the wonders of science all morning,” Tsukishima rolled his eyes.

“Well get ready for more, cause this fair has everything!” Kuroo said taking the lead towards the park’s southern entrance.

As they crossed the street they were welcomed by the sight of Shinobazu Pond stretched out before them. The expanse of water and lilies sparkled in the midday sun.

Kuroo had always loved Ueno Park. He never knew what he’d find there on the meandering paths weaving in and out of lawns and gardens. As they walked, they passed families and couples scattered across blankets and benches under the shade of the trees. It was an escape from the world of concrete that surrounded them.

As they strolled, Kuroo did his best to keep up conversation. He asked the usual pleasantries of how studying and classes were going, but soon it ran out and they fell into a companionable silence. It wasn’t a silence that needed filling. It just… felt right. They passed the turn for the zoo and finally came upon the area where the fair was being held. People were everywhere milling about the lines of large white tents that stood before them.

“I’m impressed,” Kuroo whistled. “When this thing started it wasn’t nearly as large.” He took it in. The first year he was at Meiji University he’d manned a table for the chem club. It was amazing how far away all that felt now, like another lifetime.

Almost as soon as they entered the fray he could feel Tsukishima stiffen beside him. It wasn’t so crowded that people had to wade through each other, but it was busy enough that you bumped into another person every table or so. _Of course he doesn’t like crowds._ Kuroo mentally slapped himself as they continued to walk. He was about to pull Tsukishima over to the side when the crowd thinned substantially.  They’d also reached an area of booths Kuroo was interested in looking at, so he tugged Tsukishima over to the side.

Just as he began to read about a new study on the chemistry used in chemotherapy he was interrupted by, “Well if it isn’t Kuroo Tetsurou.” He looked up immediately to be greeted by a set of bright smiles. When he realized who it was he couldn’t help but beam.

“Daichi and Suga, look at what the cat dragged in,” he said giving them each a hug. Daichi had been in his chem cohort during college and his longtime boyfriend showed up to many a study session (usually being more of a distraction than a help).

“And Tsukishima-san! What a surprise! I haven’t seen you in years. How are you?” Kuroo saw Kei tense again. They knew each other?

“Hi,” Tsukishima replied almost hesitantly. The conversation continued with Daichi asking how they both were and, upon finding out Tsukishima was majoring in paleontology, entering an intense conversation with him some research regarding some absolute dating techniques.

As he watched in amusement, Suga caught his eye and pulled him slightly to the side.

“How’d you and Tsukishima meet?” Suga asked, honest curiosity burning in his eyes.

“He came to my shop one day then just kept coming back,” Kuroo answered truthfully. “How do the two of you know him?”

“He was our kouhai in high school. We only overlapped a year, but he was in volleyball club with us.”

Kuroo nodded in understanding, “Was he as prickly back then as he is now?”

“Well he was never the easiest person to connect to. He only had one really close friend and, how do I put this…”

“He knows how to get under peoples skin?” Kuroo suggested with a smirk.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Suga smiled. “To be honest I’m amazed you even got him to…” Suga paused, his eyes going wide. “Wait, are you two dating?” his voice fell so low it was almost inaudible.

“No, no, no,” Kuroo was quick to deny it, but not before a slight blush rose on his cheeks. _I won’t deny that with how things have been going I haven’t_ thought _about it._ He _liked_ the blonde. A lot. But he didn’t want to scare him away. He wasn’t even sure if Tsukishima was interested in guys yet, it was just an inkling he hoped was right.

Suga raised an eyebrow.

“I swear we aren’t,” Kuroo assured again. “I’ve been helping him with a chem class. We’re just friends. I swear.”

Suga sighed. “Ok. Just keeping an eye on my flock,” he winked and his smiled returned. “So how’ve you been otherwise, Kuroo? I haven’t seen as much of you since you dropped from Meiji, and Daichi and I haven’t made it over to the bakery recently.”

“Pretty well, nothing too eventful. I miss the lab every once in a while, but I have to say the kitchen is a second home to me now.”

“Good to hear. Especially since Daichi had a hell of a time adjusting to a new lab partner after that. I swear I will never hear the end of that.”

Kuroo chuckled, a sad smile spreading on his face. “I know. I received enough texts from him I could probably wall paper my room with them.”

“We were worried, you know?” Suga’s smile mirrored Kuroo’s. “Especially with what happened with your brother and all. I was really glad to see you get back up on your feet with the bakery.”

“Thanks, Suga. I’m sorry I lost touch with you both.”

“Hey, life happens. Not to mention Daichi and I aren’t the best making it over there, we need to try and come more often.”

“Hey, I heard my name,” Daichi interrupted, wrapping his arm around Suga’s waist.

“Just saying we needed to try and make it over to the bakery more often,” Suga smiled.

“I’ll second that, I could eat those chocolate croissants all day,” Daichi winked.

Kuroo smiled, “Make sure you let me know when you’re coming then and I’ll make some extras.”

“Absolutely,” Suga said, glancing at his watch. “But we better get going or we’re going to miss the psychology lecture.”

“You’re still getting dragged to those?” Kuroo asked Daichi.

The other man shrugged in return, “The things you do for love, right? But we’ll see you later! I’ll call you and the four of us can get together,” he called as he was dragged off.

“K, see ya!” Kuroo called turning back to Tsukishima, who was standing to the side. His face a muddle of subtle emotions Kuroo couldn’t quite place at the moment. All he could see was part of him seemed pleased and the other… he wasn’t sure.

“So, what’d you and Daichi talk about?” he asked knowing full well.

Tsukishima looked over to him, his face brightening, “Sawamura-san said that the lab he’s been working in is collaborating on a project at Tokyo University and that they’re working on testing accuracies of dating techniques at the moment. He said he’d talk to the professors he’s working with and see if I can be an assistant on either side of the project.”

Kuroo grinned, “That’s Daichi for you. I told you something would come up. You just have to wait for it. Shall we continue on?”

“Yeah,” Tsukki agreed.

As they moved through the tables, conversation turned completely toward the fair. Kuroo was impressed with some, but not by others. He was sure Tsukishima was tired of him ranting about the inaccuracies some of the tables had in their presentations, but he was pretty sure he made up for that with how Tsukishima was going on about the fossil representations over at the paleontology tables.

It was a nice change, getting out, but he couldn’t help but notice in the small moments of silence that Tsukishima would give him questioning side glances every now and then. He wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“So,” Kuroo said as they exited the maze of tables, “you ready to go do some field research for the bakery?”

“I guess I could tolerate getting something to eat,” Tsukishima replied in agreeance.

“Well then let’s go.”

They made their way back through the park towards Ueno Station. When they got to the edge, the green and quiet of the park suddenly turned into concrete and noise, as if they stepped into another world.

The bakery wasn’t far, just by the station. A place called Wholesome in a shared cafeteria area. When they entered they grabbed the plastic trays to place their selections on and started looking.

“Do you see this?!” Kuroo exclaimed not long after. He picked up a lion shaped melon pan and held it up for Tsukishima to see. “Why have I not thought of this! Ueno Zoo is right there! They even have brown bears and pandas and,” he paused, “Tsukishima do you see this?! Turtles! They even have turtles!” Kuroo held it up for the other boy to see.

“Yes, that is indeed a turtle,” he replied flatly.

Kuroo frowned. “I don’t know if you’re just not comprehending what goes into making these and what animal shaped goods could do for my establishment or you just have no sense of fun.”

Tsukishima smirked. “Probably a combination of the two.”

Kuroo smiled again. Once armed with a lion, a turtle, some sort of chocolate panda cube, and a strawberry cream filled bun, Kuroo went to the register asking Tsukishima to go grab a table.

“I can pay for myself you know,” the blonde said slightly indignant.

“I know you can, but it’s my treat and I want to place to sit while we eat, so go!”

“Tsk, fine.”

Pleased with how little effort it took to get Tsukishima to comply, Kuroo paid for the pastries and made his way over to grab them some waters.

He felt so light inside. Like he was floating. Despite a few unwanted reminders it had been a great day so far. He was eager to wrap it up with some conversation and learning more about the mention Suga made of volleyball club in high school.

He walked over to the table Tsukishima snagged and placed their food down.

“So, you played volleyball in high school,” Kuroo started, grabbing up the melon bread lion.

Tsukishima was about to reply, but his voice never made it past his lips as his face first registered surprise and then fell into a panicked expression. Kuroo was confused at first, but turned to follow the blonde’s gaze. It landed on another couple.

One of them was rather burly, had a strong physic and spikey hair. The other was tall, delicate looking almost, with tousled brown locks.

Kuroo looked back to a still frozen Tsukishima who almost immediately looked away, but apparently not before one of the other table’s members noticed. It wasn’t long before Kuro heard, “Ah! Tsukki, I haven’t seen you in for while. How are you?” in a light airy voice from behind him.

Kuroo saw Tsukishima’s face twist slightly.

“Hello, Oikawa-san.”

* * *

Pre-end note: Links to pics of Ueno for areas they were by/passed[ here](http://zukes-babe.tumblr.com/post/130865516148/for-those-of-you-reading-beautiful-disaster-here)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Duh, duh, duuuuuuuuuuh. Sorry for the cliffhanger, but the next part needs to be in Tsukki's pov. But ok! Sorry the update took a while, but as you know I now live in Tokyo, so I wanted to do a bit of field research. All places and description of Ueno Park (including the bakery they visited) actually exist. Once I figure out how to add pictures I will try to show you the shrine, the pastries, and the fountain area the fair was in front of. (The science fair was actually the one thing I had to make up because I couldn't find an actual event they'd both wanna go to). This post shows some of the Ueno park area, but not where I went specifically for this fic. I did also scope out U Tokyo campus and the entrance they met at is in fact a hill. I hope y'all are having as much fun reading this as I am writing it! Comments are greatly appreciated!


	5. Dare You to Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tension is here  
> Between who you are and who you could be  
> Between how it is and how it should be  
> ~Switchfoot

He glanced at Kuroo again as they walked into the bakery. Had he really dropped out of school? From all the times Kuroo had helped him it didn’t seem possible. He had mastered what Kei was working on, made it look easy even. But after what Sawamura had said…

_“Oh, Kuroo was in my chem cohort for undergrad. One of my closest lab mates too. He’s a real genius, you know? Always out did me in class. I gave him a hard time about it. Said if he weren’t there I could actually get some recognition for my work. But when he actually left, the lab just was never quite the same,” Daichi sighed._

_“He left?”_

_“Yeah, and only half a year before graduation. It was really out of the blue too. He was at the top of our class, had universities and companies alike trying to get him to join them after he graduated, but one day after midterms his hands were shaking like mad. He must’ve broken maybe three test tubes and a beaker by the time he just stood up and left. He just never came back after that and the next thing I heard was he withdrew from the program.”_

“Do you see this?!”

The exclamation snapped Kei back and he saw a lion’s face smiling up at him.

“Why have I not thought of this! Ueno Zoo is right there! They even have brown bears and pandas and,” he paused, “Tsukishima, do you see this?! Turtles! They even have turtles!”

Kei stared blankly at the round green bun with legs. “Yes, that is indeed a turtle,” he replied flatly.

Kuroo frowned. “I don’t know if you’re just not comprehending what goes into making these and what animal shaped goods could do for my establishment or you just have no sense of fun.”

Kei smirked. He really didn’t know what was so special about animal pastries. They were just sweet bread, like everything else. “Probably a combination of the two.”

When Kuroo grinned back at his quip he felt his heartbeat quicken. He turned away quickly to hide his face and see if he could find something with strawberry in it. Ignoring the warmth in his cheeks.

Finally deciding on a strawberry cream bun he went over with Kuroo, who seemed to have half the zoo on his tray, to the cashier.

“Hey, Tsukishima, could you go grab a table?”

“I can pay for myself you know.” He may not have much money but he could spend 300 yen on a cream bun.

“I know you can, but it’s my treat and I want a place to sit while we eat, so go!”

“Tsk, fine.” He didn’t feel like fighting it today, not to mention 300 yen was three cup noodle dinners.

He started to walk around the seating area and finally found a nice spot by the window. He sat down and waited, fidgeting a bit while the other boy took his time to get waters. He looked out the window, his mind wandering back to why Kuroo would possibly drop out of school when he was doing so well.

Kuroo finally came over and placed the tray down, grabbing his melon lion in the process. “So, you played volleyball in high school,” Kuroo started, taking a bite.

 _Really? He wants to hear about volleyball?_ Kei started to tell him yes, he did, but he caught sight of two people he had hoped never to see again settling in a few tables down. His shock must’ve shown on his face since Kuroo looked confusedly at him for a second before turning to trace his gaze.

In the moment Kei saw them, he wanted to dart, run, leave as quickly as humanly possible, but he just sat there, staring at them. Oikawa was smiling at Iwaizumi in a way Kei had never seen, and as much as Kei had told himself he was over it lingering pain still dragged through his mind.

As Kuroo turned back toward Kei, Oikawa looked up. Surprise flashing in his eyes, but a smile soon replaced it. Kei averted his gaze as quickly as he could, but saw the brunet stand up from the corner of his eye. With every step the other man took his stomach dropped lower in his stomach, a pit forming in its place.

 _No._ Step. _No._ Step. _NO._

He came to a stop behind Kuroo’s chair, slightly to the side.

“Ah! Tsukki, I haven’t seen you in a while,” he purred.

Kei’s face twisted as he heard the old stupid pet name Oikawa had given him. He took a deep breath putting his mask back in place.

“Hello, Oikawa-san.”

“Aww, why so formal, Tsukki? We did date you know,” he smirked slightly.

“Oh, really? I’m sorry, I guess I didn’t remember,” he looked up at Oikawa, his eyes cold and relentless, but his body was screaming for him to run. Every nerve on fire, he needed to get away, so far away.

Oikawa’s grin slipped for a moment. “You’re still sore about that? We talked about it, Tsukki.”

“Sure we did. Just like we talked about your boyfriend.” he glanced around Oikawa. “By the way, it looks like he’s getting antsy over there. You should probably go back,” Kei nodded toward

“Oh, Iwa-chan? He’ll be fine. I’m much more interested in who you’re with,” Oikawa glanced at Kuroo.

Kuroo sat up a bit straighter and began to introduce himself, but Kei cut him off.

“It doesn’t matter who I’m with,” he glared.

“Of course it does. Someone like you actually out with another person? Even before me you never had any friends,” he commented.

“Which still doesn’t concern you,” Kei’s voice grew harder. “Now if you’ll excuse us, we were having a conversation.”

“Ooooo, what’re you talking about?” Oikawa asked enthusiastically, leaning closer.

Kei couldn’t take it anymore. He abruptly stood up from his seat and glanced over to Kuroo before turning to walk away.

“Still running away, I see. Guess some things never change.”

His fists balled, deciding not to respond to Oikawa, his feet just moved faster out of the shop. Everything became a blur around him.

 _Run, run, run._ Maybe Oikawa was right. Maybe that was what he always did. He ran away from Miyagi, from his mom, from his friends. But he _hadn’t_ run from Oikawa and look where that got him.

“Tsukishima Kei!” Kuroo yelled grabbing the blonde by the arm and whipping him round. “What’s wrong with you? Where the hell are you going? You’re going to get yourself killed!”

Kei blinked and realized he was by the intersection and about to walk into a busy street crossing. He quickly shook Kuroo’s hand away, his entire body shaking uncontrollably.

He saw the worry begin to etch itself onto Kuroo’s face. He shook his head, he didn’t need that. He didn’t need worry or pity or whatever was growing there.

“S-sorry. I need to go,” Kei said turning away.

“No,” Kuroo grabbed his arm again. “You shouldn’t be alone right now. Come on, let’s go back to my shop and you can calm down.” He said as he started to lead Kei the opposite direction. Kei pulled away again, fists clenched.

“No, I’m going _home_. I don’t need to calm down and I certainly don’t need you telling me to either! I can take care of myself!” He stormed off again, going as quickly as his legs would take him. His chest was tight, head swimming. What had he even been thinking? Asking for help on his lab work, going to the bakery nearly every day, going to a fair? Without realizing it he’d already let Kuroo get so close. He, he let him in.

_Well that stops today._

The people and shops on the streets he passed were a blur. _Run, run, run._ He walked into the back of another man who glared at him disapprovingly. Red light. He started shaking again. He needed to move. He balled his hands into fists again and tried taking deep breaths, but he could only manage shallow gulps of air.

“You’re not fine, Kei,” Kuroo said softly coming up next to him.

“I didn’t say you could call me that,” Kei growled. “And I told you I don’t need you.”

The light changed and he dashed to get away. He didn’t need Kuroo. He didn’t need anyone. He weaved through the streets, the signs, the people, but no matter how many turns he made or how fast he ran, the baker kept up with him. He couldn’t escape. By the time he got to the bottom of his apartment stairs he wasn’t even sure how he got here. He kept going, running up the flights until he found himself at his door, out of breath. He began to dig through his pockets. _Key, key, key._ And then Kuroo was standing behind him as calmly as ever. _Why don’t I live farther away?_

“Tsukishima, you need to calm down. You’re going to hyperventilate.” Was he breathing that quickly? He realized then he was gulping for air. He’d calm down once Kuroo left. He needed him gone, it’d be fine when he was gone.

“Why won’t you leave?!” he panted out exasperated, fumbling for his keys. He finally found them, but dropped them as soon as he reached for the door. He bent to pick them up, but Kuroo was faster.

“I’m not leaving until you’ve calmed down,” he said inserting the key into the door and opening it with ease.

The fact that Kuroo could do that and Kei couldn’t made his blood boil. He was losing control and he didn’t like it.

“I am calm!” Kei shot back.

Kuroo’s face hardened. “Like hell you are, Tsukishima! You’ve been shaking like a leaf since we left the bakery, your breathing has been sporadic, you couldn’t even open the door. And you want me to leave you? So you could what, pass out? No, Kei.”

“I won’t pass out! I just need to be in a familiar space, by myself!”

“I’m not going to leave you alone right now, Tsukishima. You need help,” Kuroo said more softly.

Anger welled up and he began to shake harder. “No! No, Kuroo! You don’t get to just walk in and see problems and say you can fix them! I’m not broken! I can take care of myself!”

Kuroo’s face softened, the concern in his eyes killing Kei.

“I never said you were broken, Tsukishima. I just want you to be ok,” he sighed.

“I _am_ ok,” he insisted, but at that point tears started rolling down his face. He wiped them away, again and again, but they kept coming. He couldn’t make them stop, even after taking his glasses off. Why wouldn’t they stop?

As he tried again to make them disappear he felt two warm hands envelope his own, and he looked up startled, just to see a look of worry, of care in Kuroo’s eyes, and once he realized that he lost control and began to sob. _Why? Why does he care? I’m not worth worrying about!_

He felt himself being pulled slowly into his apartment. The thought that it was small and ugly and he didn’t want Kuroo to know he lived like this swept through his mind, making him cry all the harder. And then he felt something he hadn’t in a very long time.

Two arms wrapping themselves around him.

He went rigid. Panic filling his chest as his mind tried to figure out what to do with human touch. But his body seemed to decide for itself. He leaned in, and Kuroo just held him tighter.

He didn’t have the energy to push away. He wasn’t even sure he _wanted_ to push away. He’d forgotten the warmth and strength of another person. How steady they could be when he was crumbling. But it also reminded him just how alone he was. How he had never actually been able to keep someone next to him. So he sobbed and Kuroo stood there, holding him, rocking him gently, back and forth, rubbing his back every now and then like he did this all the time. He just let Kei cry like it was ok.

After a time, the sobs began to subside. Kei knew he should move, pull himself away, but he kept his face buried in Kuroo’s shoulder, not wanting to show it.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kuroo whispered into his ear.

Kei thought for a second. He couldn’t give voice to the emotions swirling through him. He wasn’t sure he could tell him how Oikawa had tried to pick him up with a stupid one liner, or how he’d eased Kei’s nerves during his first year, or how he became an ever constant presence in Kei’s life until suddenly he wasn’t. He couldn’t tell Kuroo how much it hurt to find out the most important person in the world to him was in love with someone else. So he shook his head.

“That’s ok,” Kuroo whispered again. “You can tell me if you ever need to.”

Kei nodded even though he didn’t think it’d ever actually happen.

They stood in silence for a bit longer. Kei had stopped crying, but he hadn’t moved and neither had Kuroo. His head still felt foggy, but he soon began to realize that he’d cried in front of Kuroo. And not just cried, but sobbed. Kei’d had a breakdown and a bad one at. What would Kuroo think? His skin began to crawl, panic creeping back into his chest as he moved to pull away…

But then his stomach growled.

Kuroo’s swaying stilled.

“Was that your stomach?”

Warmth bloomed in his cheeks as he extracted himself from the other’s arms and turned away.

“N-no.” It growled again.

Kuroo began to chuckle. “I think your stomach begs to differ.”

Kei was horrified.

“How about I cook us something?” Kuroo said making his way over to the kitchen. Before Kei could object he already had the empty fridge open.

“You really only have two bottles of water in here?” Kuroo turned to him with an eyebrow raised. Kei felt his stomach drop. How much could he embarrass himself in one day?

“Umm, my food is in the cabinet,” he mumbled as he looked around for his glasses, knowing what was there wasn’t much better than the fridge.

“Oh, the two cup noodles really help your case,” Kuroo replied teasingly.

He closed the cabinet and turned back to Kei.

“Come on. Let’s go.”

Kei stared at him puzzled. “Go where?”

“The grocery store of course. I need to buy some ingredients if we’re gonna have a proper meal,” he smiled, picking up something Tsukishima couldn’t make out until it was in front of his face. _When did my glasses make it over there?_

“Oh, no. I- I don’t need that. You should probably be heading-”

“I will have none of your excuses tonight,” he replied walking towards the door and pulling Kei out behind him.

“You really don’t need to, I’ll take you to the nearest station. I don’t want to trouble-”

“Kei. Stop. You didn’t get to eat earlier today and I doubt you had much in way of lunch since you were studying. You will eat a proper dinner because living off of cup noodles is not healthy. Trust me, I’ve done it.”

Kei paused realizing Kuroo had called him by his given name again.

“I still haven’t told you it’s ok to call me that,” he said sternly.

“Tsukishima is much too long and since my original nickname option is obviously off limits you’re going to have to deal with it,” he replied mischievously.

Kei grumbled a bit but didn’t feel up to getting in an argument about it. He’d be sure to think of something to get back at him soon enough.

After a short walk they found their way to the closest market. He mostly just followed Kuroo through the small aisles until he found the meat. As he picked up packets to look at them before replacing them, Kei couldn’t help but think he looked so at home in the store, like it was normal for him to be here.

“Kei.”

“What?” he asked, surprised to be addressed.

“I asked if you wanted chicken or pork,” Kuroo said seriously.

“You’re actually buying meat?!” Kei asked incredulously.

“Yeah. You thought I was just going to look at it? Tell me what you want so I can decide what to make.”

“Chicken?” Kei said uncertainly. He didn’t buy meat. It was expensive.

“Ok, oyakodon it is!” Kuroo said happily.

“You can make that?”

“Of course. Didn’t your mom teach you how to make it?” he said staring at the packets of chicken.

“No,” Kei whispered sadly. His mom had made it for him many times, but always said he didn’t need to know how to make it. That his wife would make it for him one day, but that never helped on cold nights when all he could do was get it from the convenience store.

Kuroo’s face went from surprise to determination. “I’ll teach you then. It’s not hard,” he smiled, placing a packet of chicken in the basket.

Kei continued to follow him through the aisles picking up eggs, onion, scallions, soy sauce, and a few other things he wasn’t sure of before Kuroo turned to him again.

“Do you have a way to cook rice?”

Kei stared at him blankly. “You seriously think I don’t have a rice cooker?”

Kuroo shrugged his shoulders. “You didn’t have any rice as far as I could tell.”

Kei blushed again. “Well you’re right I don’t have rice at the moment, but I have a cooker. It was cheap at a recycle shop, so I got it.”

“Good. I’ll just get the rice then,” he smiled, grabbing a huge bag.

“Why are you getting the biggest bag? Just get the small one,” Kei said grabbing the bag from Kuroo.

“Nope. This way you’ll have more,” he said snatching it back and heading towards the checkout before Kei could retaliate.

Kei scowled and followed him. Why did this guy never listen to him?

With their bags of groceries they hurried back to the apartment. Clouds had begun to swirl overhead.

Once safely back inside, Kuroo skillfully began going about the kitchen.

“Ok, so while I get all the ingredients laid out you start the rice, k?”

“Whatever you say,” Kei replied rolling his eyes. He was certainly capable of pouring rice and water into a machine and pressing start.

Once he was done he turned back towards Kuroo, there barely being enough space in his tiny kitchen anyway. He was lucky to have one burner.

“Okay, so first we need a pan.”

Kei pulled it out from under the sink.

“Now for the fun part,” Kuroo grinned and began demonstrating the proper way to cut the chicken, passing it to Kei for him to try. Every step of the way, Kuroo gently showed him what to do and then passed it along to Kei, making little suggestions and giving him extra tips to make it easier. And before he knew it they had two steaming bowls of oyakodon sitting on the kotatsu.

Once  he and Kuroo had settled down, Kei picked up his chopsticks and was about to dig in, until he noticed Kuroo looking expectantly at him.

What was he forgetting?

 _Oh_. He placed his chopsticks back down and clapped his hands together, saying "Itadakimasu" with Kuroo in unison.

He just wasn't accustomed to having company at the dinner table anymore. The phrase he had gotten used to saying in his head needed to be said aloud. It felt strange and clumsy as it stumbled off his tongue once he realized he had to adjust his lack of manners.

After his first bite he just stared at his bowl and almost cried again. He hadn’t had home cooking in months.

“So, how’s it compare?”

“To what?” Kei asked.

“To cup noodles,” Kuroo smirked.

“It doesn’t,” Kei replied honestly for once finally taking a second bite.

“I hope that’s in a good way,” Kuroo replied with a full mouth.

“Yeah, it is,” a small smile graced his lips.

“Good. Now you can make it, or I can come over and help a few more times till you get it down. Maybe I should just give you cooking lessons. You could do with a bit more meat on your bones,” Kuroo rambled before scooping more food into his mouth.

Kei paused. Part of him wanted to say yes, but a small voice in his head still whispered _too close_. “But you’re so busy at the bakery. It’s too much trouble.” Kei tried to dissuade him.

“I have to cook anyway,” Kuroo reasoned. “Plus food tastes better when you have someone to eat with.”

Kei thought a second. “Maybe.”

“Maybe food tastes better or maybe you’ll let me teach you how to actually cook?”

“Just, maybe.”

It was silent while they ate for a bit.

“So, you played volleyball in high school?”

Kei glanced up from his food as he recognized the question from earlier in the day, then back down. “Yeah, middle blocker.”

“Me too!” Kuroo exclaimed and then launching into an onslaught of questions and speculations at whether they could have ever met before. Kei was sure they never did, but that didn’t stop Kuroo. After a long conversation on the matter Kuroo finally relented.

“I swear, where is your sense of fun?”

“Trying to figure out how you could’ve met someone before you actually did isn’t fun, it’s silly,” Kei replied while clearing the table.

“Hardly. It’d mean fate or something drew us back together which’d be cool,” Kuroo called from his spot on the floor.

Kei just rolled his eyes and started the dishes. Kuroo joined him soon after and as they got into a rhythm a steady beating started against the window.

Kuroo began to hum.

“You are not humming Amefuri. That song is for little kids.” Kei looked at Kuroo like he’d grown a second head

“But it’s raining!”

“That’s no excuse!”

“Come on, sing with me! Ameame furefure kasanga,” Kuroo sang.

“Stop it, Kuroo!” Kei shoved him playfully.

Kuroo just smiled, but kept going till the dishes were finished. Once he finished his third repetition of the song and packed up to head for the door Kei grumbled, “That’s going to be stuck in my head all night now.”

“Good,” he smiled slyly.

“And here I thought the rainy season had passed,” Kei huffed, opening the door for Kuroo.

“What you don’t like the rain?” Kuroo asked as he stepped out.

Kei shrugged. “I like it, but after a while it can be a bit much.”

“Yeah an October rain is a bit odd, but at least it was sunny for the fair right?”

“Yeah…” Kei looked at him. Something was missing.

“Where’s your umbrella?”

“Don’t need it,” Kuroo said pulling the hood of his jacket up.

“But you’ll be soaked by the time you get home,” Kei turned around to grab his own umbrella.

“Here, take this,” Kei held it out to him.

Kuroo studied him for a second and took the umbrella. “Hey, walk me down the stairs? There were a few turns I can’t remember.”

Kei sighed, “Fine, if you’re too dense to remember the way down.” He expected some sort of response, but received none till the bottom of the stairs.

“You know, you’re a much better person than you give yourself credit for,” Kuroo commented before turning towards Kei.

Kei looked at him in confusion for a second as a devilish smile crossed Kuroo’s face.

“You just need to learn to dance in the rain a bit more.”

Suddenly Kuroo grabbed Kei’s arm and pulled him out into the rain, the force and angle causing him to spin. Kei was stunned and his heart seemed to skip a beat.

“I’ll see you soon, Kei!” Kuroo called as he headed out.

The man was half way down the street before Kei noticed the droplets on his glasses and went dazedly back up the stairs, forgetting to be angry about being wet till he reached the door of his apartment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hey, hey. First off thank you all for your support! I hope you enjoy this new instalment! Thank you to everyone who has kudo-ed and left comments! Special thanks to sheenaxzelos and sawumura for proofreading and this chapter is doubling as a birthday present for tsukkidayo! (You should check out all of their tumblrs, they are all magnificent!!) And also my tumblr has changed to midnightmooncatcher. Hope everyone's doing well!


	6. Fallin' For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't know but I think I maybe  
> Fallin' for you, dropping so quickly  
> Maybe I should keep this to myself  
> Waiting 'til I know you better"  
> ~Colbie Caillat

“So, how’d it go?”

Kuroo glanced up at an expectant Bokuto.

“It went,” he replied vaguely, turning back to taking chairs off the tables and setting them upright again. To be honest he wasn’t sure how it went and he was still trying to process what had happened. He’d thought it went well. He had a great time with Kei, until his ex showed up.

Bokuto’s smile faltered. “What do you mean it went?”

Kuroo shrugged, “Oh you know, the usual run in with the ex and then having to make sure your friend doesn’t hurt himself while having a panic attack.” He left off the fact that Kei had tried to push him away multiple times.

“That well, huh?” interjected Kenma, “Is he ok?”

“Yeah. I was able to get him to calm down after we got back to his apartment,” Kuroo replied, busying himself with setting up the register.

“How’s he been since? Keiji hasn’t mentioned him acting oddly at the shop,” Bokuto asked leaning against the counter.

Kuroo stayed silent. He hadn’t gotten in touch with Kei since Saturday and it was Tuesday already. He thought the other man might need some breathing room.

Bokuto’s brow began to crease. “You _have_ talked to him since, right?”

Kuroo sighed, “Not yet. I was waiting for him to come back in. He was really rattled by what happened. I don’t want to be overbearing. I doubt he needs that.”

“But that’s what you’re best at,” Bokuto jested.

Kuroo didn’t reply, he knew he was usually overbearing, never hesitated to come to someone’s aid, but there was something about Kei that made him pause. He wasn’t sure whether it was that he was worried about pushing him away or what he saw in him was something too familiar.

“Do you have his phone number?” Bokuto continued his train of thought.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Then call him! Just say you’re checking in!”

“But wouldn’t that be weird?”

“No, dude. You should at least message him! If he hasn’t come in, you make a move. What do you think he’s waiting for? Free muffin day?” Bokuto asked as he picked up a banana chocolate chip one and took a bite.

Kuroo scowled. “Thank you for already throwing off today’s counts. And yeah, free muffin day,” he rolled his eyes. _That might not actually be a bad idea…_

“It’s just a text, no one can say you’re bothering them with a text,” Bokuto urged again. “You said yourself you were worried about him and wanted to help.”

“Yeah, well sometimes shit runs a bit too deep to be able to help anyone out of it,” he muttered to the counter he began to clean.

As he replied, unwanted memories surfaced from when he’d been in that exact spot. Too deep to be pulled out. He glanced around his bakery, not knowing what he would’ve done had it not been for the people standing in the room with him and the small dream that had consumed him after he’d felt nothing for so long. “I’ll be in the back if you guys need me,” he called out after he turned towards the kitchen.

Once there, he tossed the wash rag to the side and busied himself with the rest of the prep work for the morning breakfast rush that would start soon.

“Kuroo?” Startled, Kuroo almost knocked some of the eggs he’d been scrambling for the breakfast sandwiches out of the pan. Once he realized who it was he sighed and closed his eyes. He was never going to get used to Kenma sneaking up on him in the kitchen.

“Not now, Kenma,” Kuroo replied, concentrating once more on the food in front of him.

“Is being around Tsukishima getting hard for you?” Kenma asked, ignoring Kuroo’s plead for solitude.

The silence dragged on, so Kenma continued. “I’m guessing that’s why you aren’t pushing him as much as you usually would. You see some of yourself in him, don’t you?”

Kuroo chuckled. “You and your observations. It’s a damned good thing you’re going to be finishing your psych and sociology degrees this year. Once you do, I might be able to get you out of my hair,” he replied playfully.

Kenma ignored his attempt to avoid the matter at hand.

“He gets the same look in his eyes you used to. Loses focus and just stares off into space like he can’t figure out what’s supposed to happen next. He’s been doing better since he’s been around here more, but it still happens every now and then.”

Kuroo was silent for a beat. “Yeah, I know. It’s why I thought trying to get him to come out a bit more would be good.”

“Like what Bokuto did for you,” Kenma’s voice warmed a bit.

Kuroo smiled slightly, remembering the first time the loud-mouth theater kid cornered him on the university lawn, slapping him on the back, going on about how it’d been way too long since high school. Kuroo had been at his darkest point then.

“Yeah, and I thought it was working, but, Kenma, I don’t want my prying to send him spiraling down. He broke down so hard and I don’t think it’s just his ex that’s the matter. His apartment is near bare and rundown, from what he’s said he doesn’t seem to have a good, if any relationship with his parents. I had some support base, I’m not sure if Kei even has that,” Kuroo spilled out. He always thought better aloud anyway and Kenma was used to it.

“Maybe he needs you even more then,” Kenma started to scrub some dishes in the sink.

This caused Kuroo to pause his sandwich preparation and to look at him.

“I’m just saying that, yes you had a good support base to keep an eye on you when you were in trouble, maybe you need to be a part of his, and that includes some prying,” Kenma said flatly, drying the bowl. “Just text him already and stop over thinking it.”

Kuroo turned back to the eggs and turned off the burner. “Okay, I will. I’ll probably have to bombard him to get a reply though,” he replied while reluctantly returning to the front to get his phone, Kenma trailing him.

Kuroo grabbed his phone and opened a new message. _What am I even supposed to say?_

“Dude, just say hi, how are you. It’s not that hard,” Bokuto said now leaning over his shoulder.

Kuroo glared at him, “It is with him though. One wrong word and he won’t even reply.”

“Just do it. Stop being such a worry wart.” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo stared at his phone for second longer when he remembered he still had the blonde’s umbrella. _Well at least I have something to use as collateral now_ , he mused to himself.

 _Hey, Kei he typed out. Haven’t seen you since the weekend. How are you doing?_ He stared at the message for a moment then deleted most of it.

 _Hey Kei, When are you coming back to the store?_ He immediately deleted that version too. It was too abrupt.

Finally he settled for _Hey Kei, When are you coming back into the store? I have your umbrella still._ He knew it wasn’t the most heartfelt, but he figured if he got Kei talking he could actually inquire about how he was doing after the fact.

He pressed send and when he looked back up both Kenma and Bokuto busied themselves with setting up the display case as if they hadn’t just been staring at Kuroo.

“There. You guys happy now?”

Neither replied. Kuroo rolled his eyes and went back to finish making the sandwiches.

* * *

It wasn’t till the mid-morning lull that he was able to check his phone again. He was pleasantly surprised when he saw a reply text, but the pleasantness was soon erased when he read it.

_Don’t worry about it I have a spare._

Nothing. He told Kuroo nothing. A frown on his face, Kuroo texted back.

_Are you doing ok? I’ve been worried about you._

Kuroo pressed send before he could second guess it.

After a bit he added _If you come in there’s a free piece of strawberry shortcake waiting for you._

He put his phone back in his apron pocket but felt it buzz almost immediately.

_Can’t come in. Busy. And I will not be bought by bribes of strawberry shortcake._

Kuroo immediately texted back. _Why can’t you come in? And what if I add in a sandwich and coffee?_

Kuroo smirked at his phone as he hit send. There was no way a college student could turn down a full meal. Especially one who apparently lived solely on cup noodles and water. Kuroo still couldn’t believe Kei hadn’t even had rice. No wonder he was stick thin. That and his mom apparently never taught him how to cook. Kuroo’s mom had taught him all the basics before he moved out for college and even before that his family had baked together… His smirk began to slip from his face, but another buzz of his phone broke his musings.

_…I said I wouldn’t be bought by bribes_

_Of strawberry shortcake, you said nothing about sandwiches and coffee_

_Still I’m busy, so no_

_Oh come on, Kei, you have to take a break at some point_

_You’re right! He does. Where are you?_

Kuroo stared at his phone confused momentarily. Was Kei actually with someone else? Kuroo hesitantly typed _I’m at the bakery…_ into his phone and pressed send. Only a second later he received a reply.

_Great. We’ll be there this afternoon._

“We…?” escaped Kuroo’s lips in a confused whisper. He typed back a quick Ok and pocketed his phone again  when a customer come in. As he took the order for a curry bun and cafe latte he couldn’t help but wonder what was going to happen that afternoon. Yes he knew Kei was coming in, which was good. But who was coming with him… and what was their relationship?

After spending a good portion of the rest of the morning and start of the afternoon imagining who this person could possibly be and ruling out that it was any family relation, Kuroo was just setting out the racks for some of the evening specials when he heard the door.

“Come on, Tsukki stop being so slow!” A light, chipper voice called out.

Upon hearing the name Kuroo whipped around. He saw Kei being dragged in by a shorter, brown-haired, freckle-faced boy who had bright eyes. When he locked eyes with Kei the boy’s cheeks reddened slightly and he averted his gaze.

Freckle-face then looked around briefly, saw Kuroo and beamed.

“Are you Kuroo-san?” he asked walking into the shop.

“Umm, yes?” He was still a bit miffed by the other’s presence and Tsukishima’s apparent effort to hide said presence from Kuroo. “And you are?” He asked, putting his best customer smile on.

“Yamaguchi Tadashi! I’m an old friend of Kei’s,” he motioned to the blonde who was now staring intensely at the floor.

“Kei has friends?” Kuroo asked half humorously, half seriously. He’d never heard Kei talk about anyone aside from his brother briefly.

Luckily Yamaguchi just laughed at that. “Yeah, I know it’s hard to believe sometimes. When I saw him texting and it wasn’t to his brother, I kinda, well, you know,” the boy smiled sheepishly and Kei just scowled.

“Yeah that certainly came as a surprise,” Kuroo chuckled. “But I have to thank you otherwise I would have been stuck with his umbrella.”

“Nah, he was about to cave when you mentioned the sandwich and coffee. I could tell,” Yamaguchi smiled.

“Tsk, are you both done ridiculing me yet?” Tsukishima asked as he pushed his way past both Yamaguchi and Kuroo to his normal spot in the corner.

They both watched him go and then turned back to each other.

“So you own this place?” Yamaguchi asked after a beat of silence.

“Yeah,” Kuroo smiled. “Opened it about three years ago.”

“Awesome,” Yamaguchi replied, looking around at all the photos and art that adorned the walls.

“So where’re you from?” Kuroo asked. He couldn’t help but be curious about the only friend the stoic blonde probably had, or at least the only one who’d popped out of the woodwork so far. _How much has Kei cut himself off from his home?_

“Miyagi, never left. I was kind of surprised Kei did, but you can’t say no to UTokyo, can you?” he shrugged.

“No, I don’t believe you can. You’re here visiting then?” Kuroo smiled.

“Yeah! I had the week off and I haven’t seen Kei since March. He didn’t come home for summer break,” his speech slowed and he seemed to turn inward slightly, like he was remembering something. “What about you, Kuroo-san? Have you always lived in Tokyo?” Yamaguchi asked, picking back up his cheerful demeanor.

“Yeah, I have. My parents live farther out though, not so central,” he replied as he started fixing the sandwiches. “What would you like to drink Yamaguchi-san?”

“Oh, no it’s ok, really. Just worry about feeding Tsukki. His temperament might improve then,” he smiled.

Kuroo smiled, “I insist. It’s on the house.”

“Ok, well then, a mocha please.”

“Ok, it’ll be right out! You can go over and sit with the grump. I’ll bring out the sandwiches and drinks in a second,” Kuroo smiled.

He watched as the brunette went over and joined his friend. He said something that caused Kei to punch him in the arm as he laughed. Kuroo couldn’t help but feel a ping of jealousy. They looked so natural. Yamaguchi _knew_ Tsukishima. Kuroo only _kinda knew_ him. Yeah he could say every like and dislike he had regarding baked goods. He knew that he loved music and dinosaurs, could even list a few of his favorites. He could tell you that Kei chewed on his pen when he was concentrating, that he’d get the cutest crease in his brow when he was having trouble with a problem. He could tell anyone those things, but those were all things anyone would come to know after watching someone long enough. Kuroo knew what Kei looked like under pressure, when the weight of the world was too heavy for him, how agitated he got when something was wrong, what he looked like when he was falling apart, but he had a feeling Yamaguchi knew that too.

As Kuroo, placed the sandwiches on the tray and turned to make the drinks he realized what he wanted was to know parts of Kei that no one else did.

And when that thought finally hit him, he fumbled one of the cups and it slipped through his fingers, shattering behind the counter. Tsukishima looked up at him puzzled and Kenma finally deemed it worthy to poke his head out of the kitchen.

“Sorry,” he said to all three others in the establishment.

He went to grab the broom and sweep up the shattered pieces of ceramic.

His head was buzzing. He hadn’t felt this way about anyone since the beginning of university. Was it actually _that_ though?

He ran through his Tsukishima Kei checklist. All the little things about the other boy he’d noticed, wanting to be there to comfort him when things like on Saturday happened, and… knowing parts of Kei no one else, not even someone like Yamaguchi, knew. He shook his head as he dumped out the broken cup.

_Shit. I’m in love with Tsukishima Kei._

When he turned back to go finish the drinks he found Kenma had already made them and taken the food to Yamaguchi and Tsukishima.

Kuroo looked questioningly at him.

“You took much longer than necessary to sweep the floor,” Kenma said pointedly. “You also look like a deer in the headlights. What happened?”

Kuroo schooled his face. “I’ll talk to you about it later,” Kuroo replied knowing Kenma wouldn’t let this one slide. Kuroo hounded Bokuto when he dropped a plate. He was the owner and he just damaged store property.

“Ok,” Kenma shrugged before heading to the back again.

Kuroo then walked over to the two boys. Yamaguchi noticed him first and immediately exclaimed. “What did you do to this turkey sandwich? It’s like magic!”

Kuroo chuckled. “Homemade bread can make just about anything good.”

“It’s more than just the bread,” he proclaimed taking another bite.

Kuroo turned to Kei, his stomach flopping a bit when he looked at him this time. Realizing his like wasn’t just like anymore was going to make things harder for him.

“What do you think, Kei? I don’t think you’ve had a sandwich here yet despite coming so often,” he smiled. Kei always got something with strawberry. _Maybe I need to come up with some sort of strawberry inspired sandwich._

The blonde shrugged. “I prefer the shortcake, but this isn’t bad,” he mumbled.

“High praise indeed coming from you,” he smiled.

He sat down with them until they finished the sandwiches and went to get them their cake. They chatted throughout about small things. Yamaguchi and Kuroo did most of the talking. He found out Yamaguchi was really into pro-volleyball and they had the same favorite team. A good portion of the conversation was then devoted to them quizzing each other on players and stats.

As the discussion continued, Kei  hardly said a thing. He kept quiet, barely looking Kuroo in the eye. Every once in awhile, Kuroo would glance over and meet a honey colored gaze. It was like playing cat and mouse, their eyes kept chasing each other, but when they met it was only a second before Kei would look away again.

By the time the afternoon/evening rush was about to start and Kuroo had to go man the counter, he and Yamaguchi had exchanged numbers.

“It was great meeting you,” Kuroo smiled warmly.

“Likewise. It’s really great to know Kei has someone watching his back out here,” Yamaguchi replied sincerely. Kuroo waved after to them as they left, seeing Yamaguchi nudging Kei playfully as they went down the street.

“So are you going to tell me what happened?” Kenma came up beside him watching them go, breaking Kuroo out of his thoughts.

He glanced at the shorter man.

“I like him,” Kuroo whispered, eyes pained.

“Yeah, the brunette seems like a nice guy,” Kenma nodded.

Kuroo turned toward him, “No, Kenma, I mean Kei. I, I like him.” He said it a bit louder this time, more conviction in his voice.

“You’ve liked him since he walked into the store for some unholy reason.”

“But it’s not just like, I think, I think I might… Love him,” his brow knit.

At this Kenma turned to him fully. “I could have told you that weeks ago, Kuroo. Do you have any idea how shamelessly you flirt with him?”

“What? No,” Kuroo scoffed. He was a man who was in tune with his feelings, if anything he’d be blatantly aware he was flirting.

“Have you heard your conversations with him?” Kenma looked unamused.

Kuroo paused.

“Shit.”

“Told you.”

“Kenma, this can’t happen. I can’t, I can’t be _in love_ with Tsukishima Kei,” Kuroo sat down head in his hands.

“Why not?” Kenma asked flatly.

“We’ve only known each other for three months and from what I know, his last relationship was hardly a walk in the park. He wouldn’t give me the time of day. You saw how much he avoided getting his umbrella.”

“Which he still doesn’t have,” Kenma added.

Kuroo perked up. “That’s a very good point.”

Kenma sighed, “Kuroo don’t do anything stupid yet, ok? Just wait. I’m sure Tsukishima will be back in. He always is.”

“Ok, ok. I’ll be patient,” he held his hands up as the door rang, signaling a customer. He went to man the counter.

Despite the onslaught of customers, a corner of his mind was continuously preoccupied with the realization he’d come to that afternoon.

Part of it made him giddy, like he had millions of little bubbles rising in his chest about to lift him off the floor, but another part made it feel like he had a lead weight sitting in his stomach.

He must have gone through the list in his head more times than he could count, but every time he came to the same conclusion. He was either in love or falling really hard for the stoic blonde, and that only lead to more uncertainties and questions Kuroo wasn’t sure he wanted answered. But as he closed shop the largest question that was spinning around his head was what in the world he was going to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I updated. In the middle of/close to finals for most of you college folk I believe. (You're welcome) I hope you all enjoyed this instalment! Someone actually has feelings now! Gasp! It only took... 6 chapters. :D Reviews are always appreciated! I am going to do my best to get the next chapter out before I leave for vacation on the 23rd!
> 
> Thank you all for reading! Also To those of you who are gearing up for/taking finals: GOOD LUCK! YOU GOT THIS! To those of you who have finished finals: WAY TO GO YOU!!!! To those of you who didn't have any: ...You lucky bastards (but still awesome job getting through your semester!) Thanks once again! Stay awesome!


	7. Do I Wanna Know (the Shape of My Heart)?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do I wanna know, if this feeling flows both ways?”  
> ~Arctic Monkeys

“That wasn’t so bad, was it, Tsukki?” Tadashi was nudging him as they left the bakery. Kei just shrugged his shoulders.

Ever since Kuroo left Saturday he’d been on edge. He didn’t know how to process what exactly had happened. His exhaustion from the day had him asleep almost as soon as Kuroo was gone, but he hadn’t slept well since.

For the past two days, Kuroo fluttered in and out of his head. He couldn’t help but remember the feel of his arms, the whisper of breath against his ear, or the fierceness of his eyes. A flash of Kuroo’s stupid lopsided smile would catch Kei off guard in the lab. The grin Kuroo would get when he knew he was right would make him forget the library book he was looking for in the stacks. The small sweet smile Kuroo got when he was happy would make Kei smile to himself while he was at work. And Kei didn’t hate it… which he hated. He’d shake his head trying to clear it. _How do I even know these things?_ It was like he’d been subconsciously collecting and categorizing little facts about Kuroo before he was even aware of it.

_Aware of what?_

“You like him, right?” Tadashi broke his silent contemplation.

“Like who?” Kei growled out, trying to play dumb.

“Kuroo-san,” he said earnestly with a small smile.

Kei scoffed, cheeks heating up, “How could I possibly like that bed headed baker?”

Yamaguchi grinned at him, “Oh, I could come up with a few things that indicate you do.”

Kei paused, eyes glancing over to Tadashi. “Like what?” Kei asked warily.

“He calls you Kei and you don’t fuss about it, you were avoiding looking at him directly, but when his back was turned your eyes were glued to him, not that you were very successful at hiding that,” Tadashi added.

“So what?” Kei replied trying to be nonchalant about it even though his heartbeat started picking up.

“So usually you don’t take an interest in people, let alone stare at them,” Tadashi said pointedly.

Kei could feel the blush creeping over his cheeks. “I, I don’t know what I think about him,” he relented.

“Well, I think you like him, and I think he likes you too,” Tadashi said matter of factly.

Kei stopped walking. “What?”

Tadashi turned back to him. “I think you like him.”

“No, the other part,” Kei said disbelievingly.

“I think he likes you too,” Tadashi grinned.

Kei just shook his head. “No, not possible.” He walked to catch up to his friend.

“Why not?” The brunette questioned.

“Just,” Kei sighed, “He couldn’t.” Not after Saturday. Not after Kei broke like that in front of him.

There was no way.

Tadashi raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Really? You didn’t notice that he caught you looking nearly every time when we were sitting there talking?”

Kei just looked to the side.

Tadashi shook his head and sighed after a while when he realized his friend wasn’t going to reply.

“Just think about it Kei,” Tadashi bumped his arm again. “You deserve to be happy and I think Kuroo-san makes you happy. Now,” Tadashi clapped and rubbed his hands together, “I’m only here for a few more days and I want to see Skytree so let’s go!” He said picking up his pace then stopping. “Uh, which subway do we need? And which way do we go?” he asked sheepishly.

Kei rolled his eyes but smiled. “You know that thing is just a huge tourist trap, right? It’s literally just a mall.”

“With the tallest broadcasting tower in the world on top of it!” Tadashi exclaimed. “Plus I’m a tourist, and I’d like to be trapped,” he smiled.

Kei couldn’t help but snigger a bit. “Ok, ok. We need the Ginza line. This way,” Kei led him to the subway and as he did he couldn’t help but wonder what it’d be like to go to Skytree with Kuroo. He immediately shooed the idea out of his head. It was ridiculous, preposterous really, that he could like Kuroo that way, and even more so that Kuroo could ever like him back.

~~~~

It had been a week. Tadashi had left, and with him gone school wasn’t enough of a distraction. Not to mention what he’d said to Kei had been floating around the back of his head constantly. _I think he likes you too_.

He shook his head.

Back to the task at hand.

He looked up and saw the sign for Kat’s Kraddle. It was about the fourth time in the last week he’d walked up to the bakery to get his umbrella. The winter storms had started and Kei had lied about having an extra. The last three times he’d somehow made it to the door and escaped without notice, but today, this time he was going to do it.

“Tsukishima-san.”

Kei jumped and turned to see Kenma behind him. _Not that I have a choice anymore…_

“Are you going in?” He asked peering up.

Kei swallowed down his nervousness. _Why the hell am I nervous in the first place_? “Y-yeah.” He replied finally opening the door and letting Kenma through first.

As he followed the two-tone haired boy in, a now familiar warmth washed over him. It was a peacefulness he had grown used to over the past few months. Everytime he walked in the door it made him feel like things might actually be ok, but sometimes, like now, it made him nervous, because it made him think of Kuroo. And when he thought of Kuroo he thought of what Yamaguchi said.

He shook his head. He was here for a reason. To get his umbrella.

He turned to Kenma, who was placing his coat on the hook by the door. "Um, would you by any chance know where Kuroo kept my umbrella?" _Maybe if I'm lucky I won't even need to see Kuroo._

"I'm not sure," Kenma glanced around the shop. "Kuroo is probably in the back now, I'll go grab him for you."

"No! That's," Kei started but Kenma had already turned and left, "okay," he sighed frowning.

He remained standing at the front counter. He could get his umbrella and leave and try to not think about Kuroo or anything that remotely had to do with him. His glanced around the shop, only two customers were there. Kei knew this was the lull between the afternoon rush and dinner. _Maybe I should have come during a busy time so he wouldn't have time to talk..._

Kei's eyes wandered to the wall of photos again, his mind looking for any distraction it could find. His gaze was drawn towards the photo in the center of a slightly younger Kuroo and another boy. He'd noticed that Kuroo was in the picture after the first few times he'd come to the bakery, but he never really looked at the boy next to him. They seemed close, Kuroo's arm wrapped around him, his eyes squinted from a smile, almost like he was laughing. The boy looked similar to him, the same eyes and grin. Were they related? Kuroo never mentioned having siblings. Was it a cousin?

"Kei?"

When he heard the deep timbre of Kuroo's voice, his gaze whipped back to him. His hair kept back by a red bandana like usual, flour splotched on his black apron. It was almost like the first time they met.

"Kei?" Kuroo tried again after a few moments, concern starting to cloud his expression.

"Sorry," Kei replied, finally finding his voice again. He looked away from Kuroo, a fluttering entering his stomach.

"It's ok. Are you alright? Kenma said you wanted me," Kuroo replied.

"Um, yeah, uh," he looked down at his hands knotted in front of him. _Why am I so inarticulate now of all times!_ "Do you have my umbrella still?" Kei rushed out, glancing up at the baker. When he looked up though, their eyes connected and Kei felt like he was pinned in place as if Kuroo's gaze had become magnetic over the past week. A warmth started to build again in Kei's chest and he tore his eyes away. He was worried if he looked any longer Kuroo would read him...

It took Kuroo a beat to answer. "Yeah, it's in the back," he turned to get it, then turned straight back. "Do you want tea, coffee, cake?" He asked.

"Umm, I don't," Kei hesitated. He didn't have any more classes that day and he wasn't starting work in the lab till next week, but the thought of hanging around Kuroo made him feel...

"It's on the house," Kuroo rushed out.

Kei looked back up to Kuroo and swore his eyes almost seemed to be pleading him to stay.

"Okay," he relented.

"Great! I'll be out in a sec." The smile Kuroo gave Kei in return made something in him flutter again and the blush that graced his cheeks made him glad Kuroo had left so quickly.

He went over to his chair in the corner. _What am I doing? This was not the plan._

It wasn't long before Kuroo came out with the treat. Kei's mouth watered at the sight of the cake and coffee. He hadn't had lunch and as he picked up the fork, to his surprise, Kuroo took the seat across from him after setting down Kei's food.

Kei looked confusedly at him. When Kuroo noticed his brow furrowed. "What?" he asked. "Do I have something on my face?"

Kei flinched back a bit, "Um, no, just don't you have, I don't know, bakery stuff to do? There are still other customers," he said quietly as if Kuroo taking time to talk with Kei during lulls was new.

Kuroo shrugged, "I just got the evening goods into the ovens and Kenma is in the back keeping an eye on it. And Takahashi-san and Kondo-san are regulars. They know they can get me if they need me."

Kei nodded.

After some silence Kuroo asked, "So, how are things going?" almost hesitantly.

"Good," Kei replied finishing a bite of cake. When there wasn't a reply he looked up and saw Kuroo looking expectantly at him, like he already knew there was more Kei should be telling him. "Umm, Daichi got back in touch with me and I met with the professor on the UTokyo side of the project," he paused.

"And?" Kuroo smiled expectantly at him.

"I have a position in his lab starting Monday," Kei couldn't help the small smile that formed on his lips. Dr. Watanabe's lab was really good and the fact Daichi had been able to help him get connected was more than he could ever ask for. It was the first good thing that'd happened for Kei in a while.

"That's wonderful, Kei!" Kuroo beamed. "I knew you would find a spot! I'm so proud of you!" Kuroo looked like he was about to launch himself from his seat to hug the blonde, but he held back, just reaching out and patting him on the shoulder. Kei blushed again from the contact.

"Thanks," he looked down at his cake. "If it hadn't been for you asking me to go to the fair...” _I wouldn’t have seen Daichi, or talked to him about lab work, or gotten the position,_ “just thanks," Kei didn't know how to voice it any other way.

"Hey, I didn't do a thing. You got that position all on your own," Kuroo said leaning back, still smiling like a fool. "Any idea of what you'll be doing yet?" He asked, genuine interest shining in his eyes.

"Not exactly yet. It's a dating techniques lab, so it'll be more chem based, but that also means I should eventually be able to get to handle some fossils," Kei began to light up as he went into detail about what Dr. Watanabe had told him about the procedures. Kuroo listened with rapt attention, asking a question here and there, urging Kei to share. It was like they were back before that debacle of a weekend had happened and he liked it.

The conversation wound down and a third customer opened the door and came in, Kuroo excused himself quickly to serve them. Kei looked down at his empty plate and cup.

He had planned to come in for a minute, get his umbrella, and leave, not talk to Kuroo for an hour. _Maybe I didn’t scare Kuroo away? He’s acting normal. Like it didn’t happen. Could he… care,_ He stopped himself as he began to think about it, burying his face in his hands. What was all this anyway besides a mess?

Kuroo would never be interested in Kei that way. Kei didn’t _want_ Kuroo to be interested that way. Or, at least he thought he didn’t. Did he?

He huffed and stood up grabbing his bag to leave before more thoughts could invade while Kuroo was around. Kei had an unsettling feeling that Kuroo could read his mind and he didn’t want to be caught thinking about that. He grabbed his bag and started to head for the door. As he turned he ran straight into Kuroo, the force pushing him off balance.

Kuroo reached out and caught Kei by the arm to keep him from falling, both men stunned for moment.  
“You’re leaving already?” Kuroo asked once he realized where the blonde was headed, hand still on Kei’s arm.

Kei blinked trying to reorganize his thoughts and get rid of the one about how he liked the warmth coming from Kuroo’s hand. He stepped away from the other’s touch.  
“Y-yeah, I forgot I need to stop by work,” he lied.

“Ok, umm,” Kuroo’s hand went to the back of his head, uncertainty tainting his countenance, “Do you know when you’ll be back?”

Kei wasn’t sure what the pressure in his gut was, whether it was shock or panic at the question. “I don’t know. Exams are going to be coming up,” he kept his face clear of emotion, cold almost.

Kuroo’s face fell some, but he smiled and nodded in understanding. “Ok, well if you need help I’m here.”

“Thanks. Take care,” Kei replied as he headed out the door.

“You too, Kei,” he heard softly from behind him. He didn’t turn. He didn’t want to turn. There was something different in Kuroo’s voice. A softness that hadn’t been there before, and it scared him.

After the door swung shut, Kei shook his head and pulled his headphones snuggly over his ears. Even the loud music couldn’t drown out the thoughts that kept bubbling up. Not the one about the plea in Kuroo’s eyes, or the one of how his hand felt on his arm, or how odd it was Kuroo had lost confidence, or the softness in his voice. No, the music didn’t block it, but it didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to go back in. He didn’t need whatever he felt budding in his chest to grow anymore.

~~~~

He sat glaring at the notebook in front of him. He’d been stuck on a molecular rearrangement problem for three hours and no matter how many times he went over the steps and recalculated angles he couldn’t get an answer that made sense.

He glanced at the clock. It was after 11:00. He put his head down on his book ready to give up when his phone began to ring. His brow creasing wondering who it could be. Akiteru wasn’t supposed to call until tomorrow, but when he looked at the caller ID that’s exactly who it was.

He snatched up his phone and answered. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he heard his brother’s chipper voice. “That took you a while to answer.”

Kei sighed, “I didn’t think you were calling till tomorrow.”

Akiteru chuckled. “I texted to tell you I had a meeting tomorrow morning and would call tonight instead.”

“What? I didn’t get that,” Kei asked confused.

“Check,” Aki replied.

Kei looked down and opened his messages, and low and behold there was a message from his brother 7 hours prior.

“I don’t know how I missed it,” Kei said. He didn’t think he’d been that out of it lately. Granted he’d been thinking more than he liked about a certain baker, but it had only been four days…

“So what’s going on?” Akiteru asked. “You only just started in the lab today didn’t you?”

“Yeah, it’s not that,” Kei rushed. Akiteru had been glad to hear about the position, but he worried Kei would overdo it. He didn’t need a reason for his brother to rag on him.

“So, then what is it?” he prompted. “Is it your baker friend again? I thought you were getting on well with him.”

Kei closed his eyes trying to wonder what he must’ve done in a past life to get such a perceptive brother who worried so much about his social life. Aki knew Kei and Kuroo went to the fair, but Kei hadn’t told him about what happened after. He did not need his brother on an airplane back to Japan... Akiteru had almost not taken the job in San Francisco due to Kei’s situation. Luckily he'd convinced his brother he'd be fine and that missing this opportunity was idiotic.

"Yeah, just, some things happened and I don't know," Kei responded vaguely.

"What _things_ , Kei?" Kei could hear the protectiveness in Akiteru's voice. "He didn't attack you or anything now did he?"

"Aki!" Kei balked. How in the world was the first thing that came to his mind that Kei had been taken advantage of? "He didn't do anything like that, I... We ran into Oikawa and... Kuroo helped me." Kei lowered his head even though Aki couldn't see him.

There was a pause from the other side of the phone.

"Kei, are you ok?" Was all Akiteru asked in reply, but Kei knew the underlying question. Did you have an attack? Do I need to come back?

He paused, "Yeah… I'm ok," he replied and despite the tight feeling in his chest when he thought about Kuroo, he was. “I’m going to be ok.”

“Good,” Akiteru replied. “So then what happened?”

Kei groaned, “Do we have to talk about this?”

“Yes, we do and if you won’t talk over the phone I will get on an airplane and show up at your apartment and stand there till you get home and tell me,” Akiteru threatened.

Groaning again and lamenting the fact he had such an overprotective brother he finally caved. “I don’t know what he thinks about me… I,” Kei paused, he hated to admit this aloud, “I cried in front of him and when I saw him again he acted like nothing happened, but… people can’t just… he can’t just…”

“What, Kei? Think it’s ok for you to cry?” Akiteru finished for him.

“Yeah,” Kei breathed out, voice small and uncertain.

“And you think it’s so impossible that you found someone who genuinely cares, Kei?”

Kei nodded.

“I’m going to guess you’re nodding right now,” Aki sighed into the phone. “So have you talked to him since then?”

“Once… to get my umbrella back,” Kei mumbled.

“And?”

“I haven’t since,” Kei replied, leaving out that… something in Kuroo’s voice had changed, and Kei wasn’t sure he wanted to.

“You do know that in order to keep friends you generally have to talk to them, right?”

“Um, yeah,” Kei relented.

“Then go take whatever you’re doing and do it at the bakery. I need someone like Kuroo-san watching you when I can’t, so you’re not allowed to mess this up,” Akiteru huffed.

“First of all, it’s almost midnight. I can’t go to the bakery right now. Second of all, you don’t even know Kuroo-san, Aki, not to mention you just accused him of sexually assaulting me,” Kei dead panned.

“First, good point, go in tomorrow. Second, I’m simply a worried older brother. But seriously go in tomorrow and talk to him or you’ll have me knocking at your door.”

Kei sighed and rolled his eyes, “Ok. If you insist.”

“I do. Now, tell me about this dino lab of yours,” Kei could hear the smile in his voice and his shoulders relaxed as he began to tell Akiteru about his first day and all that the lab entailed.

By the time they were done chatting and Kei hung up it was almost 1am. He stared back down at his unfinished problem. He closed his book and rubbed his temples. This entire thing was giving him a headache. _I guess going in for help is about as good of a reason as any to see him again…_

~~~~~

When Kei walked into the bakery the next evening the constant low chatter of a full house greeted him. He glanced around, nearly every spot was full. _It’s Tuesday night, what is this?_ Kei’s usual chair was taken, at which he clicked his tongue irritably and glanced around for an open spot. He couldn’t readily see one.

He started to get frustrated. The bakery was never this full and he _needed_ help on the stupid molecular rearrangement problem. Kei had redone the angle calculations he didn’t know how many times and the damned thing just wasn’t sorting itself. When he finally spotted Kuroo delivering an order his brain also supplied a _That’s not the only reason you’re here._ Kei scowled again.

Looking around the establishment for an empty spot one more time he was about to just give up when he heard, “Ah! Hey, Kei!”

His gaze was drawn directly to Kuroo once again, who was wading through customers towards him. Kei felt his pulse quicken and question why he came to get help.

He stood like a deer in the headlights waiting for the dark haired man to make his way over.

“Hey,” he said again. A small glint in his eye, pulling Kei in more.

“Uh, hey,” he replied looking away, hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. He looked around the shop again. There still weren’t any open tables.

Kuroo followed his glance. “Yeah, I know we’re really busy today. I think exams are coming up, aren’t they?”

Kei mentally cursed. _Of course that’s why the café was full_.

“Yeah,” he replied again looking down at his book bag. “I guess I’ll just have to come back and ask for help another time. Sorry to bother you,” Kei started to turn, but Kuroo’s hand was on in his shoulder in a second, holding him back and shooting what felt like electricity through Kei.

“Go to the office in the back. You can work at my desk. I’ll be there in a sec. I just need to have Kenma cover the register and make sure Bokuto isn’t scaring customers away,” he pointed Kei over to the kitchen.

Kei glanced in the direction Kuroo was pointing to the back. _There's an office here?_ He started to wade through the people again following Kuroo's hand and went to the back. Once he slipped through the door he was in the kitchen. He realized he’d never been out of the main area before when the large machines that occupied the area surprised him.

Once he slipped in the door to the kitchen and looked around, he noticed the rather aptly labeled office door... if you could call it that. It seemed more like a broom closet, big enough for only a desk and two chairs with piles of papers stacked all about. Kei was amazed the two chairs that sat on either side of the desk fit.

He still wasn’t completely sure what he was doing here. _Homework help, you are getting homework help_.

He sat in the chair on the side of the desk that looked like it was for visitors, carefully pulling out his O-chem books. He looked around the small space a bit more. Little new paper clippings that had reviews of the bakery were all about the walls. The office seemed dull in comparison to the main area though.

“Hey,” Kuroo jolted Kei from his musings again and took the seat behind his desk, leaning forward toward Kei. Kei could feel his heartbeat picking up with Kuroo so close.

“Hey,” Kei replied again feebly for the second time that day, leaning back slightly in the process.

“So, what’s up? You said you needed some help right?” Kuroo asked. Kei thought he noticed him leaning in even a bit more.

“Y-yes, I’m having some trouble with this rearrangement problem,” Kei flipped open his book trying to switch his brain completely over to school mode. “It’s not a VSPER problem since there’s a transitional metal in it, but I’m just not getting the angles still and I can’t find it in my book either.” He huffed in irritation at his predicament as he slid the question over for Kuroo to look at.

He recognized the quirk on Kuroo’s lips. He got that when he looked at a problem he thought was easy. It irked Kei, but also made his heart flutter a bit. _If chemistry makes Kuroo so happy, why did he give it up?_

As Kuroo launched into the explanation about how he needed to use valence bonds, Kei did the best he could stay focused, but he found himself concentrating on the wrong things. The sound of Kuroo’s voice, the gestures he made, the excitement in his eyes. Kei shook his head to clear it.

He somehow managed to make it through the problem and Kuroo gave him a second one to work on while he went to go check how things were going in the shop. He looked at the problem, but couldn’t focus again. It was like Kuroo had taken Kei’s thoughts with him when he left the room.

Kei took a deep breath again trying to refocus. He did not need to be distracted during exam season. And he certainly did not need that distraction to be in the form of a boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus song!  
> “Oh if there’s any love in me don’t let it show. Oh if there’s any love in me don’t let it grow.”  
> ~Noah and the Whale
> 
> Hello everyone!! Sorry for the delay of the chapter getting out, but, as I am sure you know, life happens. (I hope the length of the chapter kinda made up for it? XD ) A huge thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing! It means so much! Also!! Extra HUGE thanks to [aeroou](http://aeroou.tumblr.com/), [tsukkidayo](http://tsukkidayo.tumblr.com/), and [trololous](http://trololous.tumblr.com/) for the art that goes with my fic! This [one](http://aeroou.tumblr.com/post/136808671113/d-4-to-kurotsuki-day-cake-kuroo-bakes-a) is by aeroou, and this [one](http://trololous.tumblr.com/post/135817216420/iza-has-given-an-okay-to-post-it-this-is-also) was commissioned by tsukkidayo from trololous! And one last shout out to [sheenaxzelos](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/) who beta's for me every time! Thank you all!! I hope you all are enjoying this as much as I am!! Now if only these dorks would admit their feelings to each other!!! Please let me know what you think about how things are going! And thanks once again for reading! Stay awesome!


	8. I Want to Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What's it gonna be  
> Gotta another theory  
> You want me to hear  
> Taking your refuge in your reason  
> Just to beat the fear"  
> ~Kongos

“Really?” Kuroo directed towards Bokuto. “You really think I need some extra hands?” He looked between the two men in front of him.

Kuroo had kept the staff size small because this place was his home. He only let the people he trusted most in this world in and… those people were telling him it was too much.

“Yeah, man. I mean, I can only come in some mornings and Kenma is starting to get swamped with school work. You’ve had quite a few back-ups recently and more people have been staying to eat since you added sandwiches. Not to mention you’re starting to look kinda rundown man… and you keep dipping in and out because of a certain someone,” Bokuto said hesitantly. He knew what the bakery meant to Kuroo.

Kuroo glared at Bokuto, making him flinch. They’d been dropping some not so subtle hints here and there the last few days. Kuroo finally relented and asked after Bokuto boisterously went, “Man, I wish we had some more people to help with opening,” that morning.

He studied the sheepish looking owl before sighing and running his hand through his hair.  No point in fighting the truth, right?

“Ok, yeah,” he relented. He looked between the two. “Do you guys have any suggestions?”

Kenma looked up from his phone, “Yeah, I have an underclassman I work with who said he was looking for a job. He said something about a friend looking too. I think the two of them would be perfect.”

“I’ve got a tiny burst of energy who was also saying he’s free lately,” Bokuto chimes in.

Kuroo nodded. “Ok, have them come in when they can and I’ll talk with them. I guess it wouldn’t hurt having more than one person manning the counter.”

Both of his friends smiled at this. “It’ll all be good. Don’t worry,” Bokuto chimed knocking Kuroo on the back.

“Needing more employees is a sign of success,” Kenma nodded sagely.

“Yeah, you do have a point there,” Kuroo smiled a bit. He was pretty proud of the fact his bakery had made it this far.

"Plus if you have some more hands on deck you can be with Tsukishima more when he comes in!" Bokuto blurted out.

Kuroo went red. He hadn't thought he was being that obvious, but then again he did end up with Kei almost every time he was there...

"It was hardly a secret, Kuroo," Kenma said when he noticed the baker's reaction. "It's actually incredible Tsukishima hasn't noticed yet."

"No, no, no," Kuroo rushed out. "He can't find out." He hesitated and added, "Not yet anyway."

Truthfully, Kuroo wanted Kei to know. He wanted to be able to hold his hand walking through the park, to touch his shoulder when they were bent over his homework, to lean in and kiss the crease in his brow away. He wanted it so badly it made his chest ache. And the want just kept growing every time he saw Kei, which was nearly every day as November had crept into December. The same excuse tumbling from his lips. "I need help with this problem. I can't figure it out."

At first, Kuroo accepted it wholeheartedly. The material Kei was covering wasn't exactly easy and who was he to deny a chance to spend more time with the blond? It became routine, Kei would come in and sit in his regular spot or the back office and Kuroo would stop by periodically to help him through a few steps and then go back about work. It felt natural, normal. Like everything slipped back to the way it was before.

It felt the same, but... different.

Now Kuroo could feel an underlying tension running between them. One that consisted of stolen glances and wandering minds.

At first Kuroo thought he was making it up, wishful thinking on his part, looking for something that wasn't there because he had realized how he felt about the blonde. He told himself multiple times that Kei came in so often just for the help. But then he kept catching Kei watching him when he left, or see that Kei hadn't worked on something only to head over and find him finishing the problem easily. Kuroo had a nagging suspicion that asking for help had become an excuse for something else.

 _Wishful thinking_.

"Why?!" Bokuto exclaimed loudly. "He watches you just as much as you look at him. I swear you two are sitting on either end of the same bar, but you act like you're across the room from each other. Or like across a street you can't cross. It's getting sad to watch man," he whined.

"I told you guys already," Kuroo shook his head.

"You're not that other guy though," Kenma supplied. Kuroo knew that if Kenma was adding his two cents that he was getting just as tired of them as Bokuto.

"I'm happy with how things are now," Kuroo shrugged as he lied.

"I didn't know sighing and looking wishy-washy all day long counted as happy," Kenma mumbled.

"What do you suggest then? Huh, Ken?" Kuroo snapped at him.

"Telling him how you feel would be a good start," he repeated.

"I told you, I-"

"Can't. We know," Bokuto and Kenma replied in unison. "Can you maybe try? Like asking him out again or something, maybe?" Bokuto pleaded.

Kuroo paused and thought. "Yeah, maybe. After I hire people and get things squared away. One thing at a time. I swear you two are so demanding," he teased.

Kenma rolled his eyes. "I swear you have never been this careful with going after someone before."

Kuroo shrugged his shoulders, and returned to taking chairs down for the day. "Kei isn't just someone."

At that Bokuto and Kenma shared a slightly bemused look.

~~~~~

That afternoon Kuroo found himself confronted with probably one of the most misfit groups of people he'd come by to date. They were the three that Kenma and Bokuto had promised. Two were rather small and one was even taller than Kuroo himself, maybe even Kei. He studied the three of them before speaking, rather miffed at how they all showed up at the same time during the afternoon lull the same day he’d agreed to talk to them. He had a feeling it had been planned in advance. _So much for asking me about new hires first_.

"So, the three of you want to start working part time here?" He asked skeptically. Of the three only the short one with sandy brown hair seemed actually capable of serving without knocking everything over or tripping.

"Yes, sir!" The little orange haired kid and tall silver haired one chimed together.

Kuroo's mouth quirked slightly at their enthusiasm. "Ok, so names one more time and what kind of work experience you all have."

The little orange one jumped to start. Literally. "Hinata Shouyou at your service! I've worked concessions at the theater!"

Kuroo nodded. _Well at least he has some service experience._ He turned to the ridiculously tall one who appeared to be feeding off the little one's energy.

"I'm Haiba Lev," the tall gangly boy smiled brightly. "I've worked at a few convenience stores." _That means he_ should _be able to work the register_.

Then the sandy brown haired one stepped forward. "And I'm Yaku Morisuke. I've worked at my family's restaurant." _Well at least one of them can serve_.

Kuroo studied them each for a bit weighing the options. He thought he might as well give them a trial run that afternoon. "Ok, let’s give you guys the grand tour and then see how well you can work the machines. You'll be working out here in the front mainly during the rush times at the register or prepping drinks. Customers tend to get their goods and take a seat, but if they go sit before it comes out just take it over to them." He walked them back around the counter. Explaining how everything worked and having them try the different coffee machines a few times to get the hang of it.

He was impressed with Yaku's familiarity with the machines already. He would be a good hire. Lev did... ok. He didn't get espresso _everywhere_ just _almost_ everywhere. Hinata stared at it a second and then worked it almost perfectly to Kuroo's surprise. Maybe hiring new people wouldn’t be a _complete_ disaster…

After they went through the front he took them to the back.

"Don't forget hair covers everyone!" He waited for them to pull on the hair nets that were there. "You guys will be working the front mainly so you won't be back here often, but you should still all get bandanas," he said motioning to his own.    

He turned and waved for them to follow him into the kitchen. Smiling proudly at the large mixers and ovens he turned, holding his hands out to present the area. “And this is where the magic happens.”

Kuroo reveled slightly at the small gasp that came from Hinata.

“If any of you are interested in learning baking after you’ve been here a bit you can come in the mornings when I do prep,” Kuroo smiled.

“Does that mean we got the job?” Lev questioned abruptly.

“As long as you never work the cappuccino machine again, yes,” Kuroo grinned, as happiness, confusion, and a small frown all played across Lev’s face. Yaku laughed a bit and Hinata beamed.

Yeah, maybe some more help in the shop wouldn’t be all that bad.

~~~~~

And it wasn’t. Kuroo found himself pleasantly surprised by how quickly all of his new hires seemed to pick up their positions. Their schedules also seemed to work in Kuroo's favor, so two of them could be on for morning and afternoon shifts, and it was soon established that Lev was only allowed to work the register, but he was quite good at it.

Even after just a week Kuroo realized he probably should have hired new workers months ago. The shop ran more smoothly, customers were taken care of more quickly, and Kuroo had more time to bake... and help a certain blond he wasn't sure needed the help anymore.

He was manning the counter as Hinata took his break and Yaku did dishes, when the doorbell alerted him of a customer.

Kuroo's heartbeat picked up a bit when he saw who it was. No matter how many times he saw Kei come in, Kuroo couldn’t get his chest to stop it. He stayed behind the counter as the other came up to order.  "I need some help on one of the problems," he stated. "And a coffee please," he added digging for his wallet. Kei said the exact same thing every time he came in since the night he was back in Kuroo’s office the first time. He said it as if it were a line he'd memorized just to start conversation with Kuroo.

Kuroo smiled softly and rang up the coffee. "One coffee, extra cream and sugar coming right up," he replied already grabbing for a mug. "So what's the problem today?" He asked casually, pouring the cup of coffee. His question was met with a small hesitancy like Kei had to think about it instead of knowing. "It's just another balancing equation." Kuroo glanced up to Kei before he added the cream and sugar. Kei had asked about those just a few days ago, but Kuroo could tell that even then he knew how to do them very well.

Kuroo smiled again as he looked up to pass Kei his coffee. "You know, Kei, you don't have to make excuses come see me," Kuroo teased with confidence he didn't feel. _If only that were actually the case._

Kuroo caught Kei's eyes widen a bit in surprise before he schooled his face back into it's typical stoic mask. "Whoever said I made excuses to come see you?" He scoffed as if it were a ridiculous idea, despite the pink rising in his cheeks.

_The fact that you blush like that._

"Nothing," Kuroo shook his head. "Except the fact you asked about balancing equations a few days ago and got them perfectly."

The blond took the cup. "Practice makes perfect. Right?" he asked nonchalantly, pink still tinting his cheeks.

Kuroo shrugged, not being able to argue with that. "I'll be over once Hinata is off break," he smiled.

Kei made a bit of a face.

“Not a big fan of my new workers?” Kuroo asked playfully.

Kei shrugged. “Yaku-san is nice, but Hinata and Lev,” he scrunched his face again. “How can they have so much energy?”

Kuroo chuckled, “I wonder that myself sometimes, but I have to say getting more down time since they’re here is a plus.”

Kei nodded in agreement, eyes far off as if he was thinking of something else. Kuroo caught himself staring and cleared his throat. “As I said I’ll be over once he’s off break.”

Kuroo's gaze followed the blond as he made his way to the corner. As the minutes until the small redhead took over passed, Kuroo couldn't help his wandering eyes. He found that the blond apparently couldn't either. Their gazes met nearly every time. After the fourth time it happened Kuroo pulled his gaze away, scolding himself mentally. _You need to stop this. Stop hoping. It's not going to happen_.

 _He looks at you just as much as you look at him._ Bokuto's words rang in his head as his eyes slid to the side. _Does he?_

Luckily at that moment another customer came in to order and Hinata got back from break. He took care of the order then passed things to Hinata before making his way to Kei.

The blond appeared to be deep in thought about the problem before him, but his pencil sat next to the paper. Luckily the seat across from Kei was unoccupied as well and Kuroo sat, pulling it forward to see the problem.

He studied it for a second as Kei’s eyes flicked up, seemingly studying him. Kuroo found it increasingly hard to concentrate on the problem. “Haven’t we done this one?” He found himself asking as he tried to fully focus.

Kei caught his full attention again as he turned crimson and looked like he was about to run.

Kuroo’s stomach dropped. He didn’t mean to put the other man on the spot.

“No, it’s ok. We can just change it up a bit. Like you said, practice makes perfect. Right?” Kuroo rushed out.

He switched around some numbers and changed the elements involved and passed it over to Kei. It was an easy problem, he knew Kei could probably do it in his sleep, but he couldn’t come up with something hard at the moment.

As Kei started working his way through the problem with ease, Kuroo thought he caught an eye roll. It made him smile. It made him want to stare at the blond all afternoon. It made him want more. _Stop_.

He grabbed for Kei’s book, bound and determined to come up with something harder.

When Kei’s pencil was placed down and he felt his eyes on him again he couldn’t take the silence. “You had work before this right?” He asked, flipping through the book still.

“Yeah. Luckily Ukai has been letting me off early lately since it’s finals season,” Kei sighed.

“When’s your final for this class?” Kuroo asked realizing he didn’t know. _How much longer until you lose your excuse to come in?_

Kei fidgeted a bit. “Next Friday.”

Kuroo looked up, “That soon? Well, then. I guess I need to be extra mean,” he replied smiling when he found a particularly difficult problem in Kei’s book that didn’t appear to have notes next to it. He jotted it down on Kei’s paper and turned it toward him.

Kei’s mouth dropped into a scowl when he saw it. He looked up at Kuroo, “Really? We barely went over this in class.”

“All the more reason to do it now. Professors love putting things you barely covered on tests,” he grinned, getting up to check on Yaku and Hinata.

When he went back later, Kuroo found that Kei rose to the challenge placed before him.

“Don’t you have anything harder?” Kei smirked with a raised brow. Kuroo looked down at the problem to see all the steps done perfectly. He chuckled.

“And here I thought you wanted help,” he jested back as he picked the book back up to find another equation.

“Practice makes perfect,” Kei chimed again.

Kuroo smirked as he found another difficult problem and placed it in front of the blond. “Well there you go. Number 21 should be great practice.”

A pleased smile spread across Kuroo’s face as Kei’s face fell again when he saw the problem.

That’s how the next few hours passed. Kuroo looking up something he thought was on the harder side and giving it to Kei to work on while he went back to the counter, and each time Kei would get it. It was a push and pull. One that Kuroo only had with Kei, and… it made him want more.

Near the end of the day the shop cleared out, only a few stragglers left at close. As they picked up their things to leave,Kuroo thanked them for coming and turned back to see Kei studying again.

“Was that enough review for the day?” Kuroo questioned.

Kei gave him a small smirk, “Yeah, I guess, if the test is going to be easy.”

A relaxed smile spread across Kuroo’s lips. “Practice makes perfect,” he replied.

“Thanks though,” Kei said, his face taking on a new seriousness.

“Not a problem. It’s good review for me too,” he replied as he went about wiping the tables. He’d let Yaku and Hinata go home earlier after taking out the trash.

Kei studied him again for a second, as if deciding if he should speak. “Sawamura-san  said you’re really good at chemistry…” he said hesitantly.

Kuroo felt his the bottom of his stomach drop out. _Please don’t-_

“Why did you leave it?”

 _-Ask._ Memories flashed through his mind. Kuroo stared at the blond for a second trying to decide how to reply, but before he could,Kei’s phone started ringing.

“Sorry,” Kei said sheepishly digging into his pocket for it. Kuroo shook his head indicating it was fine, feeling slightly relieved. Kei smiled in thanks then looked down.

As soon as his eyes hit the screen, Kuroo saw himi blanch and immediately ignore the call.

“Ah, sorry Kuroo I need to go,” the blond rushed out and gathered all his books quickly. He dropped a few in his hurry.

Kuroo walked over to pick them up and handed them over. “Is everything ok?” he asked, puzzled by the change in Kei’s demeanor.

“Yeah, no, everything’s fine it’s just I forgot I was supposed to talk to my brother tonight, so I need to hurry back.” He had all his books in his bag and was already headed for the door. “Thanks again for the help! See you tomorrow!” he called as he rushed out leaving a very confused Kuroo standing by a once occupied seat.

~~~~~~

Something was wrong. At first Kuroo thought it was just that Kei was nervous about finals, but as the week went on it seemed to be less the case that Kei was being buried in end of term work and more that he was attempting to bury _himself_ in work.

He wasn’t just doing chemistry at the bakery anymore. It was everything. His papers and end of term projects were piled around him the next day. He somehow acquired the chair next to him as well and he studied nonstop.  Even when Kuroo went over to check and see if he needed help Kei didn’t notice him until the third time he said his name. The blond also kept looking at his phone warily and jumping when he received messages.

This continued over the weekend and into Monday. Kuroo didn’t know what to do.

“He’s going to burn himself out and get sick before his last test,” he told Kenma worriedly. Despite having new workers, Kenma still frequented the shop to just hang around, and seemed to take a special interest in Hinata.

“I’m sure it’s finals, Kuroo. He might have found out that he got a low grade or something,” Kenma replied.

“I don’t think it’s that. From what I can tell he’s been studying for every single class he has. He’s been here almost every second he doesn’t have work. I’ve never seen him like this,” Kuroo replied baffled.

“Have you tried to talk to him and ask what’s going on?” Kenma asked almost skeptically like Kuroo wouldn’t have thought of that.

“Yeah, I have and he either ignores me or doesn’t hear me. I don’t know which. And when he does hear me he just says he’s fine,” Kuroo sighed.

“Just give him some space for now then,” Kenma suggested. “If it continues once his finals are over… then push it some more.”

Kuroo nodded, worry still written on his face.

The only thing that changed throughout the week was that as an assignment was due or a test date went by Kei had less to study, so he studied what was left more. By Thursday he was pouring over his O-chem notes, barely looking up. The only thing Kei had said to Kuroo in the past few days were asking him for problem sets and a small side question here or there. Nothing else.

He walked over as the bakery was about to close. Unsurprisingly, Kei didn’t look up at him, completely entranced by his work.

“Hey, Kei,” Kuroo said, tapping him on the shoulder.

The blonde’s head jolted up, a strange intensity lingered in the honey colored eyes. It took Kei a second to reply. “Yes?”

“That test is tomorrow, right?” Kuroo asked in an attempt to make conversation.

“Yeah, it is,” Kei sighed, none of the tension in his shoulders melting as he leaned back in the chair.

Kuroo smiled. “Hey, don’t worry, you’re gonna ace it. With me helping there’s no way you could fail.”

Kei smirked a bit. The worry in Kuroo’s chest lightened some. The only expression on Kei’s face for the last week had been a straight line of a mouth.

“I’m sure whether I pass or not has nothing to do with you. You barely helped anyway,” Kei jabbed. It was expected, but something about it felt forced.

“Hey, who’s the one who’s been setting up all the extra problem sets for you!” Kuroo countered playfully.

“Well,” Kei paused as if he were thinking, “I guess those were _sort_ of helpful.”

“Really? Just sort of? Jeeze, the thanks I get for being kind,” Kuroo huffed.

“You? Kind? No way,” Kei said shaking his head.

“See? See what I put up with for being nice?” Kuroo motioned towards Kei as if he were making an example of him.

Kei just smirked slightly.

“What time is your test tomorrow?” Kuroo asked when the silence continued.

“Nine in the morning. Bright and early,” Kei huffed.

“Gross, but hey, it’ll be done earlier, right?”

“I guess,” Kei shrugged.

“How about you come by the shop after and I’ll take you to lunch?” It was out of his mouth before he could think.

Kei blinked at him in surprise and then started, “Oh, um, I wouldn’t want to impose, and you’re working and-”

“No, no. It’s just something to look forward to. A treat for making it through the semester. Kenma will be in tomorrow and can supervise Yaku and Lev,” Kuroo covered. _Bokuto and Kenma did say to try and take him out…_

“Oh, well, then yeah. That’d be...” Kei hesitated a moment, “...Nice.” He gave Kuroo that rare small smile that made his heart skip a beat.

“Great,” Kuroo breathed out. They sat there for a second, unmoving, just looking at each other. A loud motorcycle went by breaking the trance.

Kuroo shook his head. “Well I’m going to start closing shop. You can stay a bit longer if you like though.”

Kei looked surprised again. “It’s that late already?”

Kuroo just nodded, a hint of amusement on his face.

“I should probably head out then,” Kei mumbled, starting to collect his things.

“Ok, don’t forget about lunch tomorrow,” Kuroo reminded him.

“Don’t worry. I won’t pass up an opportunity for free food.”

“Said like a true college student,” Kuroo chuckled.

“See ya later,” Kei waved as he opened the door.

“See ya,” Kuroo replied. Eye’s following him through the glass as he went down the street.

Maybe Kenma was right. Maybe Kei was just stressed about finals. He actually had a conversation with him for the first time that week. _And you get to take him to lunch tomorrow._ Kuroo settled back into his closing duties, an extra spring in his step.

~~~~~

“Would you calm down?” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo had woken up nervous that morning and wouldn’t stand still. It was getting close to 9:00 and he was pacing by the counter, quadruple checking the breads while Lev was at the register.

Kuroo stopped and leaned against the counter. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I _am_ calm,” he shrugged, but his foot started tapping.

“Wasn’t that like the fifth time you checked the rolls? Tsukishima won’t get here any faster, no matter how many times you check,” Bokuto told him.

“That was just the fourth in the last hour,” Lev called over.

Kuroo looked between the two, arms crossed. And just shook his head.

“Everything will be fine. You’ll see. Hey maybe you’ll even sweep him off his feet today!” Bokuto bounced excitedly.

“Yeah, maybe,” Kuroo replied before going back to pacing.

As it got closer to noon, Kuroo couldn’t help but watch the door. Every time he turned away and it chimed he looked back up hopefully, just to be disappointed. He knew Kei wasn’t supposed to come for another hour, but he just kept hoping.

He passed the hour that way, but Kei never came through the door.

It got closer to one and then started inching toward one-thirty.

 _Where is he?_ Kuroo checked his phone again. No messages. He tried calling, but got voicemail.

Once it hit two o’clock Kuroo’s irritation turned to worry. He tried calling again. The phone rang and rang, but Kei never answered.

 _What if something happened?_ He turned his mind away from the worst and kept calling.

Kuroo had somehow managed to make it to four, but still had heard nothing from Kei. He messaged Yamaguchi to see if he knew anything. The reply he received was that when he’d tried to call Kei it went straight to voicemail.

Kuroo tried to keep his mind busy but he couldn’t stay focused, no matter the task he attempted. He eventually went to his office and closed the door, tapping his foot agitatedly.

Something was very wrong. Kei would have let him know if he was going to miss lunch.

Kuroo pushed the palms of his hands against his eyes. Time was crawling, but going entirely too fast at the same time. He checked the time again. It was near six-thirty now.

Making up his mind, he stood and went to the front. “Hey, guys,” he called to Hinata and Yaku, “Could you shut the shop down today? The spare key is on the door you know the routine, right?”

They both nodded. “Sure thing, boss,” Hinata called back.

“Thanks,” Kuroo replied with a quick smile and grabbed his things, hurrying out the door.

Kuroo was lucky he was good with directions. He remembered where Kei’s apartment was and messaged Yamaguchi again for the room number, saying he was going to check on him.

His heartbeat picked up as he got closer, hoping Kei was home and had just fallen asleep or something after a hard week. He just wanted to make sure he was ok.

Kuroo’s quick pace had turned into a jog, but at what point he didn’t know. He finally made it to Kei’s building and started to race up the stairs. As he approached the fourth floor he could hear a woman speaking loudly, the words becoming clearer and clearer the closer he got.

“I found a very good therapist. So you can come home and we can get this problem sorted out. You wouldn’t want your mother to grow old by herself now would you?” The tone was angry and patronizing.

The next thing Kuroo heard as he rounded the corner stunned him. It was Kei’s voice.

“I thought I didn’t have a mother,” his tone was icy, unfeeling.

“Now what in the world would make you think that?” The woman sounded exasperated.

“That fact you disowned me about five months ago,” Kei replied forcefully.

“I wouldn’t have needed to do such a thing if you would just see reason!” The woman’s voice rose again.

"Reason?! What reason? This is who-" the words died on Kei's lips. Kuroo had finally reached the fourth floor and made eye contact with the tall blond standing in front of his door, seemingly guarding it from a woman who came up to just above his shoulder. Kuroo couldn’t make out all the emotions that flashed through Kei’s eyes, but the one it landed on was some mix of confusion and shock.

The woman noticed and turned an icy gaze onto Kuroo.

He swallowed. _Well at least I know where Kei got his glare._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *leaves bomb shell and skips away*
> 
> Hey guys! Once again thank you all sooooooo much for reading! (Extra special thanks to the peeps who review!) Things are finally starting to get heated!! That last scene is one I've had planned from the beginning along with what's going to happen in the next chapter! Things are about to get moving!! (After, what? 8 chapters of build? Guess that's why they call it slow burn.) Thank you all once again for reading! And thank you to the ever amazing [sheenaxzelos](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/) for beta-ing! If you haven't checked out her Kurotsukki fic Under the Cover of Twilight you should! 
> 
> And if you're interested, here's [my tumblr](http://midnightmooncatcher.tumblr.com/) ;)


	9. Please Don't Say You Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just please don't say you love me  
> 'Cause I might not say it back  
> Doesn't mean my heart stops skipping  
> when you look at me like that  
> 

Kei felt numb, raw. He'd been listening to his mother berate him on his life “choices”, every slur that slid from her lips a dagger twisting deeper into his chest. She had decided to reopen a chapter in his life that he had wanted to remain shut. So he stood there, face blank and hard as he bit out replies.

“I wouldn’t have needed to do such a thing if you would just see reason!” The woman’s voice rose again.

"Reason?! What reason? This is who-"

And then he saw it.

A black mess of hair by the stairs.

Kei froze, gut dropping. _Why? Why are you here?_ Kuroo shouldn't have been there. He was supposed to be at work. So why... _Lunch_

Kei had forgotten. He'd turned on his cell for the first time in a week to message Kuroo only to find the last message from his mother saying she was on her way down to his apartment. To pack it up and take him back to Miyagi to "set him straight" like she'd been threatening to all week. He hadn't spoken to her since she had given him the afternoon to pack his things and get out of her house, screeching that he was lucky she was letting him even do that.

Her call earlier that week had been abrupt, and threw Kei into a world of ever building anxiety. It went from stereo silence to an onslaught of calls and messages. A barrage he couldn't escape without ignoring his phone and letting it die.

He used the bakery to hide himself. To block the past chasing him. He built himself a shelter of books and papers and stayed as long as he could, the bed-headed baker's presence somehow making things seem like they still had the possibility of being ok. Kei knew Kuroo was worried. He did, but this... this was something he didn't want him to know. Kuroo had seen enough of Kei's jagged edges. Kei didn't want him to see more. To see how _broken_ his world outside the bakery was. But there he was, hair crazier than usual, slightly out of breath, eyes wide in surprise.

"Is that him?!" his mom screeched, turning back on Kei. There was fire in her eyes, a wrath Kei had tried so hard not to incur in his youth. "Is this the _fag_ that twisted you around his finger and made you so unreasonable?!"

All the feelings swirling in him at that moment hardened. The accusation she shot out ringing through the air. He felt sick, anger growing in his chest.

“He-”

“No. I’m not,” Kuroo cut in calmly, stepping up to face Kei’s mom. “And the man in question wasn’t worth your son’s affection.” Kei watched as Kuroo squared his shoulders and looked her calmly in the eye. His eyes were… cold. Kei’d never seen him like that.

Kei’s mom looked slightly taken aback, but it only took a second for her face to harden and reply. “That hardly matters when my son shouldn’t be giving,” her face twisted, “ _affection_ to any man in the first place,” she sneered. Kei felt the stab to his chest again. “And exactly who are _you_ to be talking to me in such a way?!” She focused a hard, steady glare on Kuroo, anger still burning in her eyes, but he didn’t flinch.

Kuroo looked to Kei, something flashing as their eyes connected, like he was trying to tell him something.

“I’m his chemistry tutor,” he stated simply.

Kei ignored the tightening in his chest when that was all Kuroo said. _That’s all he is_. _Nothing more._

“Good, then you should know Kei will no longer need your services. I’m taking him home,” she turned to Kei, “ _Now_ ,” she said as she tried once again to barge through his door.

Kei blocked her again. “I said, I’m not going,” he growled out.

“Yes, you are. I will not allow you to continue like this!”

“No! _Mom_ ,” he spat, “I’m not! I _live_ here. _I_ pay for rent and food and utilities! You haven’t sent a single yen since you threw me out! So, no!” he choked out. “I AM NOT GOING WITH YOU!”

Tears were threatening and he could feel his face twisting in pain. He struggled to put his mask back on, felt himself shaking in the door. He had scraped together a life for himself. It was small, but he’d done it. And if the woman who he had loved and depended on couldn’t accept him. He didn’t need her. _I don’t_ need _anyone._

He watched his mother as her face fell, looking back at him disbelievingly. “Yes you are! And if you can’t understand that this is what’s best for you, then you obviously aren’t smart enough to be here.”

Kei shook harder. He’d worked so hard to get into UTokyo. He wanted to show how capable he was, and now he was there and she, she was saying he shouldn’t be.

Suddenly there was a head of black messy hair partially blocking his view.

“Do you know how hard your son works?” Kuroo snapped. Kei looked in disbelief at the man in front of him.

His mother stood on the other side speechless.

“I asked whether or not you know how hard your son works!” Kuroo asked again more harshly. When he was met with silence again he continued. “Because _I_ do. I see him studying for hours on end. I’ve watched as he struggles with a problem only once before he can do it near perfect every other time. He gets incredible marks _and_ works a part-time job on top of that. Did you even know that he was accepted into one of the best research labs in his field?” Kuroo scoffed. “And he’s done all of this on his own. Do you know how _hard_ that is?”

“This is _not_ your place young man,” his mother bit back to Kuroo.

“Yes,” Kuroo shot back. “Yes it is. Because _I_ actually care about Kei.”

His mother’s mouth dropped open in rage. “How dare you suggest I don’t care about my son. I’m here because-”

“No. You’re here because your son doesn’t match the _exact_ image you had of him and who _you_ want him to be,” Kuroo replied accusingly.

She stepped dangerously closer to Kuroo. “You had better watch yourself young man,” she growled. She looked between him and Kei again, “I’ll be back tomorrow, Kei,” she said to him and turned and left. Stomping as she went.

Kei couldn’t speak. He couldn’t breath. _What just happened?_

He leaned forward, his forehead falling down on to the older man’s shoulder. He gasped. Kuroo had just… he’d just…

Kuroo turned around, worry carved in his features. “Kei?” He asked.

Kei lifted his gaze. “How, why, you, you,” Kei couldn’t voice what he was thinking. He felt thankful, but angry that Kuroo had stepped in. As if he couldn’t fight his own battles, but the way he’d talked to his mom and she, she left. “What the hell was that?!” Kei finally shouted.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that, Kei?” Kuroo replied, frustrated. “Is this why you were acting so odd this week?”

Kei glared at him.

“Well?” Kuroo asked again pointedly.

Kei didn’t know what to say. Why was Kuroo even asking? What was the point?

The silence went on. Kuroo finally sighed. “Come on,” he said grabbing Kei’s hand.

Kei snatched it back. A tingling spreading from Kuroo's touch.

“You haven't eaten today, have you?” Kuroo asked, a touch of frustration still in his voice.

Kei looked to the side. He hadn't. He'd been too stressed.

“Come on,” Kuroo said more softly, taking his hand once again, undeterred by Kei's first action. “Let's go.”

He let himself be led out his door and down the stairs. His chest felt tight, like something in him would burst.

They didn't speak as Kuroo led him through the maze of streets. They just walked. Kei’s head was whirling with the day’s happenings. His exam seemed eons ago. He felt himself shiver and realized how late it was getting. While the winter had been mild, the chill in the air was still there.

It was then he realized he didn’t know the roads they were on any more and they certainly weren’t headed for the bakery. He didn’t know where they were going. He just followed, focusing on the warmth and weight of the hand that held his, trying to ignore the buzzing in his head and how his stomach had apparently decided to take up acrobatics. Before he knew it they were standing in front of a large apartment building. As Kei looked up it was almost intimidating, as if warning him he wasn’t good enough.

His stomach flipped again, but this time for very different reasons. He looked over to Kuroo who had begun to fish around in his pockets.

He stopped.

Kuroo turned as soon as he felt Kei’s hand slip from his, confusion masking his features. “What’s wrong, Kei?” he asked.

The blonde swallowed.

“N-nothing. Sorry,” he replied shaking his head. It was fine, it was just… Kuroo’s apartment.

He could feel Kuroo’s eyes on him. Studying him. Like he was a book and all Kuroo had to do was read his pages.

“You haven’t eaten today. So, I was going to cook,” Kuroo offered.

Kei’s eyes shot back up to him, taking in his angular features, the softness in his eyes. It made Kei’s chest ache.

Kuroo stepped toward him again. “Is that ok?”

Kei nodded.

Kuroo studied him a second longer before gently taking his hand again, like it was the most natural thing to do, and led him to the elevator. _His apartment has an elevator_. As Kuroo pressed the button for the twenty first floor, Kei could feel his stomach doing flips again. His hand was still in Kuroo’s and where their skin was touching felt like fire. _Stop, stop. Don’t think like this. You’ll just be disappointed in the end_. The elevator stopped, Kuroo led him out and down to the end of the hall. He unlocked the door and pulled Kei inside.

“Sorry it’s a bit messy,” Kuroo said as he led Kei inside, turning on the light. His hand slid away from Kei’s as he took off his shoes. Kei resisted the urge to grab it again. _Why would you even want to do something as silly as that in the first place?_

Kei stood at the entrance, toeing his shoes off before following Kuroo down the hall.

“Pardon the intrusion,” he mumbled as he followed him down the small hall. Kuroo ducked into a room at the end of the hall to throw his bag on a chair and then headed around the corner. Kei glanced into the room as he followed Kuroo. It looked like an office from the number of books strewn about the desk and arm chair. He turned the corner and saw Kuroo had disappeared again. Kei walked to glance in the next door down the hall. He found Kuroo already rummaging through his cabinets. Kei stood nervously in the doorway as he watched, trying not to notice how Kuroo’s shirt was riding up and revealing a smooth expanse of abs.

“How do you feel about spaghetti?” Kuroo asked with a smile, jolting Kei back to reality.

Kei met Kuroo’s eyes and couldn’t help the quirk in his lip. Kuroo always looked so at home in a kitchen. It set the butterflies off again. “Sounds good,” he replied, fidgeting a bit more in the doorway, still unsure of what to do with himself.

“Great! Because I actually have all the ingredients and I don’t wanna brag, but, I make a mean meat sauce,” Kuroo grinned at him, continuing to pull things from the cupboard. “But! I think I’ll need some help. You think you can do that?”

Kei hesitated. “If you tell me what to do,” he replied, willing himself to take a step into the room. It was so much larger than his. For one the kitchen actually had counters and there was more than a single burner. A small window at the end of the area sat next to an opening which looked like it went into another room. Kei could feel the heat in his cheeks as he remembered the last time they cooked together. The thunk of frozen meat on the counter jolted him out of his musing.

“Well first thing’s first, we have to defrost the meat. So,” he grabbed a bowl and placed the packet in it, “Could you run some hot water over it? I’m going to see if I have some french bread for garlic bread.” Kuroo offered Kei the bowl, which he took and walked to the sink in front of the window.

He stood watching the water cover the meat, stealing a glance to the side at Kuroo. It was like he had left all of what he saw and said in front of Kei’s apartment there. He hadn’t asked him anything. Kei kept watching as he apparently had the bread he wanted and had started to mix some butter and garlic. _Is he not curious or was the situation that easy to read?_

“You don’t have to keep the water running over it,” Kuroo smirked, as he continued working.

Kei jumped slightly, blushing a bit at being caught. He reached and turned the water off, staring at the submerged ground beef like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

It was quiet, only the sound of bread being buttered cutting through. Kei was starting to feel like it was suffocating him. He looked to the side. It was dark, but he made out his reflection in some windows behind a couch and TV set. The TV was surrounded by shelves of books and movies.

“So, your place seems nice,” Kei started, not knowing what else to say.

Kuroo stopped, and looked up. “Thanks,” he smiled. “Want a tour while the meat defrosts?”

Kei nodded.

“Well, come on then,” Kuroo walked down towards Kei and Kei ignored how with every step closer his heart beat faster. Kuroo led him into the next room, turning on the light as he went.

At the far end of the room was a dining table by some glass sliding doors that looked like they lead onto a small balcony. There was also a chair by the couch Kei hadn’t noticed. It was all so… big.

“This is the living and dining room. And through that door is the bedroom,” Kuroo pointed to a doorway at the other end that seemed to lead back into the hallway. “And then the bathroom is across from the first kitchen door we went in, and that’s about it,” Kuroo shrugged leaning against the back of his couch.

Kei looked around again. “It’s really nice,” he smiled a bit. One day Kei would be able to afford a place like this. He’d get there. He knew he would.

“Thanks,” Kuroo smiled brightly. “To be honest I got the place for the kitchen. It just has more rooms because of that. It also didn’t hurt that my dad has friends in the realty business,” he added sheepishly looking at his toes.

“That’s lucky,” Kei added, looking around more.

“Yeah, it really is,” Kuroo paused, “I have to say though, I used to live in a place much more like yours. Sometimes I think I prefer it. There’s a lot less to clean,” he smiled jokingly. “But this place definitely has its perks,” he added.

Kei’s mouth dropped open then as he continued to step closer to the windows. “Would one be the view?” He asked a bit breathlessly.

Stretching out before him was an expanse of the city. Lights flickering in the building windows and… a perfect view of Ueno Park and Tokyo Skytree in the distance.

Kuroo’s smile just widened as he walked over next to Kei. “It would’ve been cheaper on the other side of the building, but,” he shook his head, “Sometimes I think beauty is worth it.” Kuroo admired the view a minute before continuing. “There’s one other perk but I’ll leave that for after dinner,” he winked. “Speaking of, we should probably get back in there and start!”

Kei watched as he waltzed back into the kitchen then took a second to look around one more time before following him.

~~~~~~

Kei placed the fork down by the plate. He had used setting the table as an excuse to get out of the kitchen. Kuroo had taken him through each step. Browning the meat, adding the tomatoes, the sauce, the wine, the spices, what to look for, how to mix it. And with every step he had felt Kuroo drawing closer and closer to him. A guiding hand here, a small touch on the arm there. A gentle, supportive palm on his back... Kei hadn’t known what to do. As the sauce began to simmer and Kuroo started boiling the noodles, Kei had put the bread in the oven and promptly left the kitchen to set the table.

When he thought about it, it scared him. It scared him that Kuroo knew about his mom. It scared him that at some point Kei would have to talk about it. It scared him how right and easy this felt. Being with him... But what scared him the most was if Kuroo could tell. If he could tell Kei was, was…

“Dinner’s ready!” Kuroo called happily from the kitchen. Kei took a deep breath and focused. _It's fine it'll all be fine_ , and then walked into the kitchen.

Kuroo was finishing dishing the pasta. The bread and salad were already in bowls and ready to be taken out.

“When did you make salad?” Kei asked looking at the bowl incredulously.

“While you set the table. I keep most things chopped already so it was easy to throw together,” he shrugged. Kei shrugged back and took the bowls out to the table, followed closely by Kuroo.

“Would you like some wine with dinner? If not I have some water aaaaand, maybe orange juice? Or apple. I can't remember.” He heard from behind him as he set things on the table.

He turned to the side, watching Kuroo place the rest of the dishes on the table.

“Umm,” Kei hesitated. Wine didn't sound so bad at that moment. “Yeah, wine sounds great.”

“Be right back. You're welcome to start,” he said.

Kei took his seat and looked at the food. It smelled delicious, his mouth watering and stomach making noises in anticipation. He didn't touch though. It had been ingrained in him from a young age that you don't touch the food till everyone's sitting.

Kuroo came back, set down the already poured glasses and sat across from him.

Once he sat down, he looked meaningfully at Kei. _Oh, right._ He clapped his hands together with Kuroo saying, “Itadakimasu.”

He grabbed for the tongs to get some pasta, adding a liberal amount of sauce, a piece of bread, and salad to his plate. Then picked up his fork and twirled some of the pasta around it and took a bite. He couldn't help the small sound that came from him.

“How do you know how to cook so well?” Kei asked, quickly going for another bite.

Kuroo chuckled a bit, taking a bite of his own food. He shrugged. “Just something I always liked doing.” He looked at Kei once more. “It tastes much better when you have someone to share it with though.”

The comment caught Kei slightly off guard. He paused, looked down at his food. “Yeah, it does,” he replied quietly.

They continued eating in silence. A small question asked here and there. It was only once Kei had seconds that the question he’d been dreading was asked.

“So,” Kuroo began, “umm, you don't have to answer, but… What happened today?”

Kei looked at him, chewing his food slowly, contemplating what to say. He saw the worry in Kuroo's eyes and knew he deserved an answer. Deserved to know. Kei put his fork down and set his elbows on the table and folded his hands together, forehead immediately leaning against them.

“It's… A very long story,” he replied looking up again.

Kuroo, who had already finished, gave him his undivided attention. “I have time,” he encouraged.

Kei sighed again, looked at his glass of wine. _Liquid courage_. He took a long drink before setting the glass down and clenching his hands together.  “Well, I guess first I should start by saying my mom hasn't always been like that.” Kei swallowed down the tightness rising in his throat. “When I was young she was great. But when my dad left she, she changed,” he paused, pushing away the memory. “She hardened. Her expectations seemed to get higher and higher. Sometimes almost unachievable,” his throat tightened again.

“Since my brother is so much older, he was almost out of high school when my dad left. My mom put a lot of pressure on me and as I grew older I… started to figure myself out more and I realized that there was one expectation I would never be able to fill. So I worked twice as hard at the others. Hoping that it might make up for it in the end.”

Kei squeezed his eyes close, trying to think of where to go next.

He didn’t talk about this with people. He didn’t let people get close enough to him for that, because letting people get that close was dangerous. If you don’t let them in they can’t take a piece of you when they leave.

Kuroo waited patiently, eyes serious.

“I got into the top university in Japan,” Kei stared at the table. “And, my first year I went in determined to be the best in my classes and just do what I always had, but,” Kei lapsed into silence at the memory. How Oikawa had sat next to him in the library and so annoyingly started to say these absolutely horrible pick up lines. Kei had been so irritated. It was the University of Tokyo and someone was distracting him in the _library_ of all places.

“But?” Kuroo asked gently.

“But Oikawa happened,” he took another drink of wine, eyes staring unfocused at the table. “He started bothering me in the library, and then in between classes, and eventually he was just… around, all the time. And... it made me happy,” Kei smiled sadly, swirling the burgundy liquid in his glass. “And then one day he asked if I’d go on a date with him. And I actually said yes,” Kei looked up at Kuroo. “I’d never had a boyfriend before. I opened up to him, he pulled me out of my shell and I told him everything. About my mom and my fears, and he listened and held me,” Kei scoffed as if disbelieving of his own actions.

“Everything was going so well and then it just…” Kei could feel the tears threatening. “Blew up in my face.”

“I knew my mom would never approve. I kept it a secret for a reason. I’m not stupid. I was skyping Oikawa over break, and my mom walked in right at the end of a conversation. She didn’t say anything until I hung up. I’d told her he was just a friend, but...” Kei rubbed his hand over his face, trying to breath normally, trying so hard not to show Kuroo how much it hurt.

“...Once she saw that she immediately kicked me out. You know, despite the fact I had made it into one of the hardest universities in the country to get into,” he felt the tears start to run down his face. _Not good enough_ ran through his head again. No music to block out the words this time.

He shook his head, wiping the tears away, and then he felt the touch to his hand. Kuroo had taken his hand in his own, an act of comfort that Kei didn’t have the strength to pull away from.

“And Oikawa?” Kuroo urged him again gently, an invitation to continue or ignore.

Kei took a shaky breath, “That’s the best part,” he huffed remembering. “I got back to school. Upset, scared, and I went to Tooru’s and I opened the door and he was with Iwaizumi. Kissing him,” He felt Kuroo’s hand tighten around his and the tears streaming, unbidden down his face.

“He got up, walked to the hall to talk to me and closed the door. He said Iwaizumi had just confessed and that part of him had always been in love with Iwaizumi the whole time,  and that he was sorry.” The words just flowed from him.

“He kissed me on the cheek, wished me well and then walked back in and closed the door,” Kei stared blankly at the food still on his plate. He laughed once then smiled sardonically, “I was so shell shocked that I never even told him I was kicked out. He probably still doesn’t know.”

He looked at Kuroo’s hand around his, hating how much comfort the touch brought. He finally pulled his hand back. “Anyway... I hadn’t heard from my mom since then, until she messaged me out of the blue last week.”

Kuroo stayed silent. Kei finally looked up to meet his eyes. They were swimming with emotion. His mouth opened, as if to say something, but then it just closed again. He suddenly stood up.

“Come with me,” he said, grabbing his jacket from where he threw it over the chair earlier.

Kei squinted, confused. “What?”

Kuroo went to his closet and found another jacket and passed it to Kei. “Come on. You’ll see,” he smiled.

Kei just stood and followed, wordlessly. They exited the apartment and Kuroo turned immediately to the stairwell. Kei followed still curious. To his surprise Kuroo went _up_ not down.

With a crease in his brow he followed Kuroo up a few more floors till they arrived at the roof access door. With no hesitation Kuroo opened it. Kei still followed.

“Aren’t those things usually supposed to be locked?” Kei asked, a bit more hesitant than he’d admit.

“The locks been broken a while. But don’t tell maintenance that,” Kuroo replied a bit mischievously over his shoulder. He was walking toward a railing. Kei followed.

Kuroo took a deep breath then turned to Kei. “View’s even better up here, isn’t it?”

Kei looked out again. Kuroo was right, it was breathtaking. They stood there looking out over the expanse of light. It was a clear night and you could even see a few of the brighter stars in the sky.

“I come up here when my problems seem bigger than I do,” he said softly, the breeze whipping his hair around. “When you look at something so big, it doesn’t seem like it’s so big of a problem anymore.”

They lapsed back into silence, looking out over the expanse of city before them.

“You’re right,” Kei breathed out. “It makes you feel incredibly small… but large at the same time being above it all.”

“Exactly,” Kuroo smiled at him. “I came up here a lot when the bakery was struggling.”

Kei looked over at Kuroo. He seemed lost in thought, but he was beautiful.

Kei caught himself and blushed, looking back out.

“How did you decide to start the bakery?” Kei asked. He knew Kuroo studied science, but it was a jump as far as he was concerned.

He heard Kuroo take a deep breath beside him. It drew his gaze back. He met Kuroo’s eyes, he was smiling, but his eyes... His eyes seemed so sad. Kei suddenly felt like he had asked the wrong question. He wanted to take it back, but Kuroo began to answer before he could.

“I know it may seem like I have my shit together, Kei, but I’ve got my own rough spots too,” Kuroo smiled at him.

“Some things happened with my family during my last year of university,” he sighed. “It was a really low point for me,” he put his hands in his pockets. “I had stopped wanting to move forward,” Kuroo looked Kei in the eye. “It’s not a time I’m particularly proud of," he looked back out. "It took running into Koutarou again to get me going. Kenma didn’t know _what_ to do, but Bo just treated me like I wasn’t broken and when I told him about my idea for the bakery, well, he just said to go for it,” Kuroo smiled at the memory. “So I did. My parents were incredibly supportive, helped me with the down payment, and I was able to make it into my own space. I found my solace in baking. Especially the shortcake. It’s my specialty for a reason,” he smiled at Kei. “But, I started the bakery because others believed in me, and helped me to where I am now. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll  ever be able to repay them,” he finished looking up.

Kei wanted to ask more. Wanted to know what happened that had lowered one of the most upbeat people he’d ever known. But he couldn’t. He didn’t feel like he could dig into something that made Kuroo that sad. So he asked a different question. One he’d had since the first time he saw the bakery.

“So, why the name?” He finally asked after the silence.

Kuroo scrunched his face and turned toward Kei, no longer looking up at the sky. “Why the name of the bakery?” He asked confused.

Kei glanced to him for a second before looking back up at the expanse of darkness above them.

“Yeah,” he replied flatly. “Kat’s Kradle. It can’t just be because you like cats, and don’t deny that you do. You don’t think I notice you looking up cat videos while I solve problems half the time?” His mouth quirked up in a small smile.

Kuroo chuckled some and went back to looking up at the sky. He was silent for a moment. “Do you know the song ‘Cat’s in the Cradle’ by Harry Chapin?” He asked quietly.

 _So he did actually name it after that song?_ Kei thought back to the first time he saw the bakery and voiced his thoughts.

“Yeah. I do. When I first came across the bakery, I thought it must’ve been an odd coincidence I couldn’t fathom why someone would want their place to be similar to the song. It’s so… sad,” Kei replied.

Kuroo laughed a bit again. “I know. It stands more as a reminder to myself than anything. And then you know, no one can resist the allure of alliteration.”

Kei let out a huff of amusement and silence fell again.

“What does it remind you of?” Kei finally whispered out quietly.

His question was greeted with silence. He thought perhaps Kuroo hadn’t heard him, but was met with a voice much smaller than he expected.

“It reminds me to be present for those I love and to cherish the small things. And…” he paused, in thought. “...And that I don’t have all the time in the world I may think.”

Kei heard the tightness in Kuroo’s voice. He turned and saw stormy hazel-brown eyes focused on him. His stomach flipped as he looked back.

Kei could feel a buzz, something pulling him towards Kuroo. He began to lean in, eyes half lidded. He felt Kuroo’s breath on his lips for an instant before they met.

It took Kei’s breath away.

Kuroo’s lips were soft, reassuring, giving. There was nothing demanding Kei for more, but it felt like he needed to reciprocate what was being given to him.

Kei moved closer, deepening the kiss he’d only dreamed of, almost as if to make sure it was real.

Kuroo did the same, wrapping an arm around Kei’s waist. The sprawling city ceased to exist around them. At that moment, Kei’s world consisted only of the gentle push and pull of lips, Kuroo’s scent, and the safety of his arms.

When the kiss ended, Kei’s eyes fluttered open, taking in joyous, caring eyes. “Kuroo,” Kei breathed out.  
  
“It’s Tetsurou,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And fools rush in  
> And I've been the fool before  
> This time I'm gonna slow it down  
> 'Cause I think this could be more  
> The thing I'm looking for  
> ~~~~~  
> Hey, hey, hey! Hope you all are doing well. Man, that was a doozy. Whoo. Those two scenes (Kei's mom and the city/star) are two that have been planned since the conception of this fic. So this chapter is a big deal for me. At this point, there are about 3 or 4 chapters left I believe? I'm not positive yet. My goal is to keep updating somewhere around once a month (I know I'm never on point with this, but hey, life happens). 
> 
> Thank you all soooooo much for following and reading this far. Your comments mean the world and I appreciate them so much, so thank you! As always, extra big thanks to my beta [sheenaxzelos](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/). She is incredible. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Till next time, Harky out. 
> 
> P.S. I am always available at [my tumblr](http://midnightmooncatcher.tumblr.com/) for fangirling about these two dorks ;)
> 
>  **EDIT** : It has come to my attention that some readers are under the impression Kuroo may be terminally ill. HE IS NOT! If there was going to be any major character death in this fic I would have tagged it as such. I am sorry for any bad feelings this may have caused for anyone, but do not worry. Everyone shall remain alive. If you have any other questions or wish me to tag something please let me know! Thank you  
> ~Harky


	10. Kiss Me Slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly._  
>  ~Parachute

Kuroo's eyes flickered open. It was still dark, the title page of _Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian_ flashing across the screen. As he regained his sleep stifled senses, Kuroo registered the weight leaning against him. He glanced down to see a blond head lulled forward on his shoulder and the day's events came rushing back to him. The worrying, Kei's mom, dinner... the kiss.

Kuroo blushed at the memory, part of him still in disbelief that it happened.

He continued to study the man sleeping beside him. How his face was relaxed, no grimace or tears left from earlier that day. How his chest steadily rose and fell. How his eyelashes kissed his cheeks.

Kuroo felt a rush of warmth wash over him again and pulled Kei in closer.

They hadn't come back down from the roof until their noses and fingers were cold. It was only a few soft kisses before Kuroo had simply taken Kei in his arms and stood there holding him, softly swaying. He'd wanted so badly to say it then, it almost escaped his lips. _I love you_.

But fear had held him back, wouldn't let the words escape. So he had done his best to illustrate his love to the other in a different way.

_He began to sway more, slowly stepping from side to side, moving them in a circle. Kei gave a little laugh. “What are you doing?”_

_"Dancing with you to the music in my head,” he smiled, and whispered into Kei’s ear._

_“What are we dancing to?” he whispered back, resting his head against Kuroo’s._

_Kuroo started humming softly as they swayed, melody rising and falling in time to their movements, accompanied only by the distant sounds of the city. But he kept the words to himself. He just kept slowly leading them in a circle until Kei mumbled that it was cold and they should go back inside._

Kuroo hadn’t  wanted the moment to end.

He never wanted _any_ moment with Kei to end.

He looked at the sleeping blond in his arms and gently whispered out the words he couldn’t earlier. “Blue Moon” escaped as a cadence from his lips. Every word a small hope for the present and the future. As he finished, “And then there suddenly appeared before me, The only one my arms will hold, I heard somebody, whisper please adore me, And when I looked to the moon it turned to gold, Blue moon, Now I'm no longer alone, Without a dream in my heart, Without a love of my own,” he leaned his head back against the back of the couch. _I'm in so fucking deep,_ he thought, a smile spreading across his lips.

~~~~~

"Remind me again why you even own that movie?" Kei asked shoving some omelette in his mouth, as Kuroo took the seat to his right on the corner of the table.

"You asked that last night when I suggested it too," Kuroo smirked, picking up his fork.

"And you never answered," Kei grumbled.

Kuroo smiled, "Yeah I did. I told you to guess."

Kuroo couldn't help but laugh at the death glare Kei gave him in response. "Ok, ok. It's the little Einsteins. They crack me up everytime," he smiled, bringing a bite of food to his mouth. "Plus there's a dinosaur skeleton in it, so it's a win-win," he pointed out with his fork.

"Don't think you can win me over with movies _just_ because there is _one_ dinosaur barely in them," Kei replied looking down at his food, a quirk at his lips. In fact, the entire morning he seemed to look everywhere except Kuroo. _Is he embarrassed about yesterday?_

"I can try, can't I?" Kuroo replied.

"Yeah, I guess you can," Kei mumbled back. They both took a few more bites, awkward silence growing in the space between them. They hadn't talked about yesterday. What happened on the roof, or how they fell asleep on the couch, or how Kuroo woke up with Kei tucked under his chin, or how he noticed Kei was awake and stayed there pretending he wasn't.

Kuroo was brought back from his thoughts as Kei placed his fork down, fingers interlocking at the edge of the table.

He looked up at Kuroo, a small blush on his cheeks.

"Umm, so, ah, yesterday," he started, eyes falling to the side, pausing. "Thank you for everything... I'm sorry about missing our meeting time and interrupting your day. I just, you know... It was..."

Kuroo reached out and placed his hand on Kei's worrying ones, immediately silencing him.

"It's ok, Kei. I'm just glad you're alright. I," he hesitated, "I was worried yesterday when you didn't show or answer your phone."

This regained Kei’s attention and he looked up and then away again, worrying his bottom lip.

The silence began to grow again, until Kei finally whispered out, “Kuroo, what,” he paused, “what are we now?”

His voice was so quiet, Kuroo wasn’t sure he heard correctly, but when it registered, he smiled softly.

“Well, Tsukishima Kei,” he said, one hand moving to Kei's cheek, directing his gaze towards Kuroo and not the floor. “If you will let me,” he took a deep breath, “I would really like to date you.” He gazed steadily at Kei, watching what he said sink in and register in the blond’s eyes.

“Really?” Kei whispered, looking him straight in the eye. Kuroo thought he saw pain, but he spoke the truth, he wanted to be with Kei so badly.

“Yes, really,” he replied softly. "I, I've actually liked you, for, well, a while now," Kuroo's voice broke into a higher octave, unsure of how Kei would handle this new information. He fidgeted with the edge of his placemat.

"A while?" Kei furrowed his brow.

"Y-yeah, umm, do you remember that time when Yamaguchi-kun was here and I broke that glass? Well that was it," Kuroo rushed out, "That was the moment that I realized I really liked you. Like really _really_ liked you. And I, I didn't think I could say... you were, you had been... anyways, I didn't want you to leave, or be uncomfortable, and I couldn't imagine..."

Kuroo was cut off by a small laugh.

"Kei?" Kuroo asked, wondering what was happening. _Am I making a complete fool of myself right now?_ He felt a small part of himself deflate. Of course after what Kei had been through he'd laugh at the idea of a relationship.

"I'm sorry," Kei tried not to let another chuckle out. "I've just, never seen you flustered before," he looked right at Kuroo, a slight flush on his cheeks. He studied him a second then looked down again, worrying his lip again before he continued, “But I think I’d like that.”

“Like what?" Kuroo asked, confused.

Kei's cheeks flushed more, "To date. You. It'd... be... nice," he stammered out.

Kuroo beamed, nearly knocking his plate off the table as he lunged forward, embracing Kei in an awkward hug, the corner of the table sandwiched between them.

"Oh my gosh, Kei," he pulled back to look the flustered blond in the eye. "Can I kiss you?" he asked eagerly, eyes bright.

Kei blushed again and adjusted his glasses. "I mean," he cleared his throat, "yeah."

Kuroo watched the blush rise again as Kei closed his eyes, leaning forward. _God, he is so beautiful_ , was the last thought Kuroo had before leaning in and kissing him. It wasn't the soft tentativeness of the night before. The happiness behind it was bursting with energy. Kuroo couldn't help but smile when Kei eagerly began to kiss him back, causing some teeth clicking and to pull back, a bit awkwardly.

"Sorry," Kuroo continued to smile, and he couldn't help but notice Kei had a small smile himself.

"It's ok," he bit his lip. "We just need some practice."

Kuroo grinned. "Practice, huh?"

Kei smiled back, "Yeah."

"I'd be game for that," he replied bending in and placing another soft kiss to his lips before turning back toward his food picking up his fork for another bite.

They finished eating, a happy silence settling over them until Kei's head suddenly snapped up, eyes going wide.

"Don't you have work?" He asked looking a bit bewildered.

Kuroo chuckled. "Bokuto covered. Believe it or not he’s memorized all the recipes."

Kei relaxed some at that. "I just didn't want to have messed up a second day of yours in a row," he said ruefully.

“Hey,” Kuroo said softly to the blond, taking his hand. “You need me more right now. I hardly find that a messed up day.”

Kei just looked at his empty plate again and whispered, “Okay.”

They sat in silence a bit longer. Kuroo studied Kei as he mindlessly ran his thumb across the blond’s knuckles.

“Soooo,” Kuroo began, propping his head up on his hand.

“What?” Kei asked when he didn’t continue.

“Anything you want to do today in particular?” He asked. Kei had just finished finals, he’d had a rough day yesterday, and Kuroo wanted him to relax and have fun.

Kei shrugged, shaking his head, “Not really.”

“Well, then,” Kuroo smirked, “You up for a game?”

Kei gave him a questioning look, but took the bait, “What kind of game?”

~~~~~

“Hey! You can't do that! That's cheating!” Kuroo cried out as he watched Kei pick up the large pile of money from the middle of the board set up between them.

“No it's not,” Kei replied with a smirk. “That's strategy.”

“No, it’s dumb luck,” Kuroo pouted. Kei was smiling though, and he couldn’t help the quirk in his lip when he saw that.

“You’re the one who wanted to play,” Kei retorted, organizing the new bills into his pile.

“Yeah, but you’re not supposed to be better at Monopoly than I am!” Kuroo said indignantly, looking at his pitiful looking pile of bills in comparison to Kei’s.

Kei just shrugged and smiled sweetly at him, “You should know I rarely lose at games.”

“We’ll see about that,” Kuroo muttered as he picked up the dice.

~~~~~

He lost. But that was ok because despite how irritating Kei’s smug look was, it was also cute. And it was even cuter now that Kuroo could kiss it right off his face.

As he pulled back, the small blush told him it’d been enough to fluster the blond.

“Now that was unfair,” Kei whispered out.

“No,”  Kuroo smiled back, “it’s strategy.”

Kei rolled his eyes at him. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Ridiculously enchanted by you,” Kuroo replied, not missing a beat.

“Case and point,” the blond replied flatly.

Kuroo chuckled a bit. “Maybe a little,” he conceded. He knew the look on his face was probably some dopey soft smile, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Everything felt so _right_.  

“That’s ok though,” Kei replied. “I think that’s one of the reasons I like you.” Kei was gazing at him, head tilted to the side in thought.

“What are you doing for Christmas?” Kuroo blurted out suddenly realizing it was in only two days.

Kei’s brows started to crease, like he didn’t understand the question but then they smoothed again, “Umm, nothing. Maybe talking with my brother?”

“Would you like to umm, go to a movie or something? And dinner?” he asked, a small hesitance in his voice, like Kei may change his mind and still say no.

Kei smiled a little, “Yeah. I’d really like that.” Then after a second, “But only if I get to choose the movie. You’ve already proved you’re incapable of doing that.”

“Hey! You know you liked _Night at the Museum_.”

Kei just rolled his eyes at him again and Kuroo smiled.

~~~~~~

He stood waiting in front of the theater, tickets in hand, foot tapping restlessly.

He knew he was there too early. He’d even reserved the tickets in advance. They could show up a minute before and be fine.

He shifted his weight, looking around again, mind wandering to the past few days.

Kei had come into the bakery both days since he’d spent the night at Kuroo’s. It wasn't much different from before except he wasn't buried in books anymore, or agitated. He had a few articles he was looking through for research, but other than that, Kuroo couldn't help but notice Kei's eyes on him most of the time, the smallest smile present when he thought Kuroo wasn't looking. It made his heart flutter. Their pattern had shifted so slightly, but it made Kuroo's heart soar. Not to mention he now had the privilege of stealing kisses. He was _so_ happy. And that scared him. The last time things had been going well beyond belief, his whole world ended up being altered in the space of a day, and he'd been too naive to believe things could change then.

A worry slept under the fluttering of his heart. He worried that Kei might change his mind and decide it wasn't worth it. That _Tetsurou_ wasn't worth it. He would understand. Especially with what Kei had been through before, but it'd, it'd hurt... a lot. And if he messed up the date somehow maybe... And it wasn’t like it was the first time they’d gone out together. They’d gone to Ueno. _That wasn't officially a date, stupid._

He pushed his thoughts back down, checking his watch again.

It was still early.

He looked down at the clothes he’d decided on. A red sweater with black jeans and his nice coat. Sweet and simple.

“Kuroo!” His head whipped up to see Kei coming up the escalator from the subway. His heart fluttered as he smiled at the blond. Kei was in a pea coat and dark jeans, a maroon scarf wrapped snuggly around his neck.

“Hey, Kei,” Kuroo replied with a soft smile when the other had made it over to him. He took his hand and squeezed it gently before letting go, wishing he could kiss him.

“You have the tickets?” Kei asked, eyes bright.

“Two tickets for Star Wars: The Force Awakens, right here” he grinned, holding up the pieces of paper.

“Great! Let’s go! It's freezing out here.”

Kuroo chuckled. “It's not _that_ cold,” Kuroo replied leading the way toward the elevator for their theater.

"Says you," Kei replied as they went into the elevator with a small group of twittering high school girls. They stood close to each other and went up in silence. Kuroo noticed the girls glancing over at Kei and he had to refrain from moving a protective arm around the blond, but that didn’t stop him from moving slightly closer, leaning his weight in toward Kei.

“Do you want popcorn and a drink?” Kuroo asked as they stepped out and into the lobby by the concessions.

“Sure,” Kei smiled.

“Salt, caramel, or both?” Kuroo asked, as they got in line.

“Caramel,” Kei nodded, then thinking better of it, “Or both, you know if you’d like salt.”

“I’ll get both. Then we get salty and sweet. And to drink?”

“Coke is fine.”

“What? No strawberry soda?” Kuroo teased as he stepped up to order.

"Why would I want that when I’m planning on getting strawberry cake later?" he retorted as if it were obvious. Kuroo just smiled turned to the cashier.

Once snacks were in hand, they made their way to their seats and settled in. Soon after the previews started Kuroo found himself distracted.

His eyes kept sliding from the screen towards the man sitting next to him. The third time it started to happen he shook his head, mentally trying to glue his eyes on the screen. It worked, but his leg started shaking up and down.

As the movie started, he felt a hand on his knee, and looked in surprise over to find Kei gazing back with a soft smile. One that Kuroo was starting to realize was only for him and ancient, extinct reptiles.

Without a word he slid his hand into Kuroo’s and Kuroo felt immediately better. All the jumpiness calmed. He mouthed out a sorry, and Kei shook his head, just squeezing the other's hand, and turned back to the screen.

Their hands remained entwined the entire movie, only to slowly be drawn apart as the end of the credits rolled off the screen and the lights slowly brightened.

“Not bad,” Kei muttered to Kuroo as they joined the throng of people leaving the theater.

“I liked it,” Kuroo replied, hand feeling slightly empty.

“It was certainly a tribute movie. It traced _A New Hope_ almost scene for scene.”

“Well it has to please the fans! I thought it was great, brought in old characters and introduced new ones all at the same time. Not to mention we have a female protagonist! Rey is so badass! And her skills all make perfect sense! Like she wasn’t randomly strong and a fighter! And did you see how she and Finn held the light sabers incorrectly! Because they didn’t know how to use them! And Finn didn’t even have any idea because he just used a blaster his whole life! Like, that’s the kind of detail that makes a movie!” Kuroo gushed out.

He heard a chuckle to his side. “What?” he asked softly without thought.

“You get so riled up over movies,” Kei smiled, hands in his pockets for warmth. “It’s cute.”

“You did _not_ just call me cute,” Kuroo replied incredulously.

“Except I did,” Kei teased back, leaning in some.

It was Kuroo’s turn to roll his eyes at that. He let it go as they walked down the bustling street in the cold. “Ready for dinner?”

Kei smiled, "Yeah. Where are we going?"

"Well,” Kuroo started hesitantly looking down at his feet, “I thought I’d cook again. I know a chicken recipe, but umm, if you’d prefer to go out we absolutely can, I just,”

He felt a hand taking his and squeezing it, "I'd really like that," Kei replied, cheeks slightly redder.

Kuroo burst into a smile. He squeezed Kei’s hand in return before letting go, but walking close enough their shoulders bumped. It was hard to navigate sometimes, this new relationship. Kuroo didn’t know where the line was yet. He wanted so badly to show how much he adored Kei, and he only knew how to do that with the acknowledgement of his presence, small touches, holding hands, kisses. But he didn’t feel like he could do those things in public, or at least not yet. He… He didn’t want to push Kei too far and, in effect, push him away. The idea of Kei leaving right after he’d accepted Kuroo… He didn't want to think about that.

"Do you have strawberry Christmas cake?" Kei questioned, pulling the baker’s attention back to the man at his side.

"I might have something," Kuroo smiled. He did, in fact, make one for Kei. One of the traditional strawberry cakes (with a twist) was in his fridge, at home, waiting.

"Then yeah, that sounds really nice," Kei replied softly, leaning in slightly so their arms brushed once more. Kuroo couldn't help but wonder if Kei was feeling the same pull he was. The need to be touching in some small way at every moment, or if it was just his wishful thinking.

They stood close together as they made their way back to Kuroo's on the subway, stopping by the market to pick up a few ingredients before they made it back to the apartment.

Kuroo lead Kei through the door, and they set the bags down in the kitchen. The baker began to rummage through his cupboards, pulling things out to make dinner. Kei started defrosting the chicken. Kuroo smiled, something feeling so natural about having Kei there.

He sauntered up behind the blond and wrapped his arms around him, chin resting on his shoulder. "Thank you for coming over," he whispered.

Kei tensed slightly, but then relaxed back into the other man. "You said there was cake. Why wouldn't I come?" he stated, as if that was the obvious reason.

Kuroo's lip twitched up in amusement. "Thanks all the same," he replied placing a kiss on his cheek before pulling away again, taking the chicken with him.

Kuroo was quiet as he battered the chicken and cooked it. Kei was a silent presence watching him as he worked. It felt natural.

The meat was soon done and the table set. They sat down to eat, continuing to chat about the movie and school and everything else in between. It was relaxed, it was easy, there wasn't a cloud hanging over the table like the last time.

"Ok, ready for the cake?" Kuroo asked as they finished the chicken.

"Is that even a question?" Kei raised an eyebrow.

"You could be too full right now," Kuroo replied, taking their plates back into the kitchen.

"One can _never_ be too full for cake," Kei smirked.

Kuroo just smiled and grabbed two smaller plates, took them into the dining area and then pulled the cake from the fridge, careful not to disturb the smooth white coating and cut strawberries crowning the top.

“Specially made for you strawberry Christmas cake,” Kuroo smiled as he placed the delicacy down on the table.

He glowed when he saw Kei light up at the sight of it. Something so simple made the blond so happy.

Kuroo carefully cut the cake being sure to cut Kei a large piece. He placed it carefully on the plate and passed it over.

“Why is the frosting inside pink?” he crinkled his nose, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at the piece of cake on his fork.

“You should try it first before making that face,” Kuroo grinned, settling back in his seat.

Kei gave him one more questioning glance before slowly taking the bite. His eyes widened a bit. “What did you do to it?!” he exclaimed taking a second bite.

“I thought adding strawberries to the frosting would make it extra strawberry-y and tastier,” he smiled.

“I hate the fact that you’re always right about food,” the blonde mumbled through another mouthful of cake.

“Hey, I’m right about a lot of things!” Kuroo shot back.

“You only think you are,” Kei replied with what could only be described as an evil twinkle in his eye and a smirk.

“I can’t believe my boyfriend is being so mean to me while eating a cake I slaved over just for him,” he bemoaned, melodramatically placing his hand over his heart.

“I think I’m going to dump you for the cake. It’s less dramatic,” Kei smiled teasingly.

Kuroo laughed at that. “I don’t think that relationship would last very long.”

“Why not?”

“You’d eat it too fast,” Kuroo chuckled.

Kei didn’t reply. Kuroo looked back up from his dessert, his eyes captured by golden ones. The softness in them churned his stomach. He’d never seen that look on Kei before. A look of pure fondness.

He didn’t even try to stop himself when he felt the impulse to lean forward and capture the blond’s lips for the sweetest kiss he’d ever had.

~~~~~

It was all tension after the kiss. Kuroo had pulled back, they both blushed at the suddenness of the act, and they continued on with small talk. Finishing their cake, doing the dishes, settling slightly apart on the couch next to each other. It was like he’d accidently built some small wall between them. Kuroo almost couldn’t take it, but despite Kei’s side long glances, the way he would keep looking at his hands and lips, he just couldn’t get his hand or foot to move that extra inch over to touch his.

He was only half watching whatever movie was on the TV. His whole body singing with tension.

“Tetsurou,” he heard whispered so quietly it almost went unheard, but it was his name. His given name. His head snapped toward the blond. Kei hadn’t used it since he’d asked a few nights ago ago. Kuroo hadn’t pressed it.

“Yeah?” he asked quietly.

Kei’s face was red. “Can I kiss you?”

Kuroo smiled softly, “Of course. You don’t even have to ask.”

He leaned forward, eyes closing softly as he felt Kei’s lips meet his.

It was soft, slightly hesitant, but he felt the confidence in it grow steadily as their lips moved in unison. They were both leaning in, the space between their legs now nonexistent. Kuroo’s arm wrapping around Kei’s back. It wasn’t until he felt Kei’s hand run up his arm that something new was spurred in him. Something that left him hungry and wanting more.

He pulled Kei in closer. The movement of his lips becoming more urgent. His tongue swiped along Kei’s lips, begging to enter. He let him with a soft hum, and another run of his hand, back up across Kuroo’s shoulders.

Then Kei did something that surprised him. He rolled himself up onto Kuroo’s lap, straddling his legs, never breaking their kiss.

Kuroo pulled him in even closer. The heat he felt from his body, the touch of his hands, the movement of his lips, it was intoxicating.

They broke apart, breathing heavily. Their eyes connected, heat in both of their gazes. Lips crashed together, hands fisting in each other’s hair, trying to drink in the very essence of each other. Kei pulled at Kuroo’s bottom lip, drawing a small rumble from his chest.

Kuroo began to kiss along his jaw, pressing kiss after kiss down it. He reached his ear, ran his nose along the shell. “You are so beautiful, Kei,” He whispered out before continuing down his neck When he got to the crook, he scraped his teeth against the tender flesh there. Kei’s breath skipped.

He felt the hand in his hair pulling him back up, so he followed. Their lips met again. It was slower this time, Kei directing their motions.

Warmth had begun to pool in Kuroo’s gut. A small rational side of him said he needed to slow down, stop, but it was Kei, this was _Kei_ , sang the other.

He felt Kei’s hands in his hair, he loved it. He felt like he was floating, losing himself. Kuroo’s hands began to wander.

The one in Kei’s hair began travelling down his back, the hand that had been on his arm sank down to rest on his hip. As Kei directed the kiss, Kuroo’s hands began to play with the hem of his shirt, fingering the edge until one slipped completely under, splaying on his back, running up and pulling his shirt with it.

Kei tore away. Breathing heavily, he hid his face in Kuroo’s shoulder.

Kuroo immediately pulled poth of his hands away, ice running through his veins that he miss stepped, messed up, did something that hurt him.

But Kei was clinging to him still, very tightly.

“Kei? Honey? Are you ok?” he asked quietly.

Kei nodded into his shoulder, reaching out to take Kuroo’s hand.

Kuroo relaxed instantly, his free hand, going to Kei’s upper back.

“I’m sorry,” Kei whispered out.

This took Kuroo aback. “Why are you apologizing? I should be the one saying sorry. I did something without asking first,” he huffed, angry at himself. His hand went to the back of Kei’s head, running soothingly through his hair.

Kei stayed silent a few moments, still curled into Kuroo. Then he slowly peeled back, sitting on Kuroo’s knees. He shook his head before meeting Kuroo’s gaze. “No, I, I want to go further, just umm, not quite… yet,” he looked away. Kei looked like he thought what he was saying was weird.

Kuroo placed a hand on his cheek and directed his gaze back at him, leaning their foreheads together.

“Kei, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that,” Kuroo said sincerely. “I should have asked if it was ok, I just,” Kuroo blushed, “I just got caught up, in, in you.”

Kei blushed at that, turning his head away again, “Why are you so embarrassing?”

Kuroo chuckled, turning his head the same way Kei’s was and kissing him softly on the lips. “I think it’s a quality you draw out of me,” he replied softly running his fingers through the blond’s hair.

Kei leaned back in to rest his head on Kuroo’s shoulder, nuzzling in a bit and sighing, “Thank you, Tetsurou.”

Kuroo paused, hugging him, “Always, Kei.”

~~~~~

Kuroo’s head had been scattered since Christmas. The bakery had been teaming with life despite school being on break now. Tourists were littering the streets looking for bargains and he had a special going on. It’d been nonstop. Despite how busy the bakery was, Kei still came every day at closing. It was all Kuroo had at the moment, and he looked forward to it the entire day. Kei somehow was able to give him an extra burst of energy when he thought he had none.

It was midafternoon when a man came in, just before Kuroo was expecting the rush. He was in a suit, hair neatly combed to the side, briefcase in hand. Kuroo figured it was just another businessman getting an afternoon coffee. He came up to the counter and stood there, but he didn't order anything.

"What can I get started for you?" Kuroo asked from over the counter, trying to encourage him.

The man simply stood there looking around behind the counter as if the owner of the establishment _weren't_ standing in front of him. His eyes finally turned to Kuroo. "Are you Kuroo Tetsurou?" he asked.

Maintaining his best customer friendly smile he replied, "Yes. How may I help you?"

"My name is Chiba Yudai. I’m from the Japanese-French Boulangerie Exchange. Would you be interested in going to France?”

Kuroo was shocked. “I’m sorry, France?” he asked not believing his ears. He had no idea what the man was talking about.

“Yes, France,” Chiba smiled. “Your bakery has gained notice from some of our organization's members and we are interested in supporting you in a three month long exchange program this summer. You’ll be completely on a stipend, all expenses paid. We’d like to see your bakery grow further in the future. Part of our organization’s goals is to help local bakeries flourish and we feel with how much yours has grown in the past few years, you’d make an excellent candidate. We’d like to see you grow more,” he smiled.

Kuroo was stunned, speechless. He’d never even considered studying baking outside of what he’d already done. Never thought of traveling abroad for it. Of course he’d wanted to see the world, travel to new places, but, he’d always added the ‘ _Later when I have time, when I’m established’._ And now this man, this man was standing in front of him asking him something he’d never even considered.

At Kuroo’s silence the man just chuckled a bit smiling and started pulling a packet out of his bag. “I know it’s a lot to take in. Here are the details on how the exchange works. You’d also be hosting a student from France at your bakery as an apprentice, eventually. It’s a lot to think about,” he said passing the packet to the raven haired man behind the counter.

Kuroo flipped through the small booklet. It looked legitimate, didn’t seem like a scam. “But, don’t you usually have to apply or be nominated for things like this?” Kuroo replied, still in disbelief.

“Since there are chapters in our organization, members from each can nominate a bakery. I think a collection of university students nominated you. I can see why too, with your decor,” he smiled politely.

Kuroo still couldn’t believe it. “Do, do I have to make that decision now?” he asked, swallowing thickly.

“Of course not. We won’t need your reply until March. The program would start in June,” Chiba-san replied. “Here’s my card and please consider the offer,” he said bowing and handing the card across the counter.

Kuroo bowed, taking it with both hands. “Thank you very much,” he replied.

“Not at all, the pleasure is mine. I look forward to hearing from you.”

Kuroo stood, stunned, watching the man take his leave. He looked back down at the packet he was given. He took a step back into his office and slid ungracefully into a chair. His head lowering into his hands everything seeming a little too fast, and a little too much to take in. Part of him was ecstatic that this opportunity was there. He’d worked so hard and this proved it, but three months… Three months was a long time.

~~~~~

“Oh my god, Kuroo! That’s incredible bro!” Bokuto balked at him, placing the materials he’d shown them back on the table between them. Kenma was squeezed in the corner and Akaashi was in the doorway, having tagged along with Bokuto since they were in the middle of a date when Kuroo had called them.

“Have you told Tsukishima-kun yet?” Kenma asked.

Kuroo stared hollowly at the table shaking his head in the negative. He hadn’t told Kei what had happened earlier that day yet. “I don’t even know if I want to take it yet. But I’m going to talk to him tonight,” he replied. This kind of opportunity, it didn’t just happen every day, and he knew he needed to talk to Kei, tell him. Hell, he should be thrilled about this, but leaving…

“He needs to know. He can help you talk through pros and cons,” Akaashi stated.

“How have you not told Tsukishima, yet!? You’re moving to France!” Bokuto yelled out.

“No, I’d be going for the summer,” Kuroo corrected. “Maybe. I have ‘til March to decide. And I only got the offer this afternoon. I want to talk to him in person when he comes by tonight.”

“Do,” stated Kenma emphatically. “Kuroo, this is good, you deserve it. Don’t doubt it. Kei will be just as happy for you as we are.”

“But we just got together. And, three months is so long,” he frowned.

“And you have six months to spend with him even before that. You guys just need to communicate,” Akaashi said softly.

“He’s right bro! Keiji and I did an entire semester apart when he went to Canada! Skype is a beautiful thing,” Bokuto supplied.

“Things like this happen and it’s important for your career,” Kenma stated. “He’ll understand. He will.”

“He should be here soon, right?” Keiji asked.

Kuroo nodded.

“Well, we’ll head out then, love bird,” Bokuto smiled.

Kuroo managed a small smile back and got up, following them to the door. He watched them leave and then took a seat at one of the tables to wait for Kei.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus Lyrics:  
>  _Have you ever wished for an endless night?  
>  Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?  
> Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?_
> 
> ~P!nk
> 
> Hello everyone! I'm sorry about the delay for this chapter. May... was not my best month. (Fun fact: May is not a good month for a lot of people in Japan. In fact there is a thing named after it called "May Sickness" whether you're actually sick or feeling really depressed or anxious it apparently goes with the month.) But I hope the chapter was worth the wait and is the fluff to end all fluff chapter it aimed to be. 
> 
> I want to say thank you all so much for continuing to read this. It really means a lot to me. Special thanks as always to [sheenaxzelos](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/). Please go check out her work! 
> 
> If you wanna chat or check out more of my song recs for this pairing hit me up at [my tumblr](http://midnightmooncatcher.tumblr.com/). And as always, comments are much appreciated! Thank you once again for reading and stay awesome!


	11. Mess is Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you like walking in the rain?  
> When you think of love, do you think of pain?  
> ~Vance Joy

Kei heard a soft buzz and looked up from the book he was reading quickly. His heart fell a bit when it wasn’t Kuroo, _No, Tetsurou_ , but Aki was next best.

“Hello,” he answered, placing his book down.

“Hey Kei! Just calling to check in. How’re you doing?” He smiled at the brightness of his brother’s voice.

“Pretty well. Since the semester's over I have more free time.”

“I know that, that’s why I can call you in the evening instead of right when I get up. It makes my life much easier. As I’m sure it does yours,” Akiteru teased back.

“Well you’re not the one who has to stay up all hours of the night to talk,” Kei shot back.

“You’re up anyway,” Akiteru countered good naturedly.

Kei let out an amused huff.

“Anything new with you?” Kei asked.

“Mmm, not really, just work. The usual,” he paused, “Mom hasn’t tried to contact you again, has she?” Akiteru’s voice was soft, concerned.

“No, not yet at least,” Kei sighed out.

“I still can’t believe you didn’t get in touch with me until after it happened, Kei. I can try and help with these things. At least let you vent to someone who knows the full situation. You don’t have to shoulder it alone,” he scolded.

Kei felt his stomach sink. He knew his brother was there for him, but he was so far away and busy and… Kei just sometimes... forgot there were people there for him, who cared about him.

“I’m sorry, Aki. I… I’ll try to remember next time,” Kei replied softly into the phone.

“Kei,” Akiteru sighed. “I’m not angry at you. I’m just... upset that you had to go through that without support.” Kei hesitated to respond. “You do know if you ever needed me, I’d be on the next flight to Tokyo faster than a velociraptor, right?” Aki asked after the silence continued.

“Why must all the idiots in my life make fun of the fact I study dinosaurs?” Kei questioned aloud.

“I’m being serious, Kei,” Akiteru replied.

Kei nodded, “Yeah, I know, Aki.”

“Good,” Kei could hear the smile in Akiteru’s voice again. “And speaking of idiots, how is Kuroo-san? Did your guys’ date go well?” Akiteru cooed out over the phone.

Kei blushed immediately.

Aki had forced out what had happened once he found out Kei had plans on Christmas. (Kei had been holding up well until he threatened to get Kuroo’s contact information from Tadashi and ask him what had happened.) Not that he really minded telling him, it was just more ammo for the relentless teasing.

“He’s... doing well, and, yeah. It did,” Kei smiled a little to himself thinking about waking up on the couch, Tetsurou’s arm slung across his shoulders, still heavy from sleep. Despite the ache in his neck, _(we really need to stop falling asleep on the couch…)_ he could definitely get used to waking up to Tetsurou every morning.

“I’m really glad to hear that,” Kei could hear Aki smiling over the phone. “What did you guys do?”

“Just a movie and dinner,” Kei replied without elaborating.

“So you did it all night. Look at you, sly dog.”

“Aki!” Kei’s face was fully red now, making him thankful he was at his apartment and not in public. “No! We didn’t!”

“Ok, ok,” he chuckled back at a mortified Kei.

“I don’t know why I miss you being in the same country sometimes,” Kei muttered under his breath, but Akiteru still heard him.

“Because you love me. Oh, and that reminds me. I got a really nice Christmas bonus and I would love for you to come see San Francisco!”

“Really?” Kei couldn’t keep the small amount of excitement from slipping into his voice. “You’d fly me out to see you?”

“Of course! I’m sorry I can’t make it back for New Years, but I still want to see my family.”

“It’s ok,” Kei paused, thinking about how he really wouldn’t have anyone to spend New Year's with this year. He thought about asking Tetsurou, but he didn’t want to trouble him. He still had family to spend it with. “If I can come see you in the US that’s better anyway.”

“Ok. I was thinking spring break or if that doesn’t work summer break. Look at your calendar and I’ll look at mine. I should also be able to get some time off work. I haven’t gotten to do many of the tourist things yet, so that’ll be fun,” Akiteru replied.

“We’re gonna go to Alcatraz, right?” Kei added, covering the sadness he was starting to feel.

“Absolutely! I haven’t gone yet, so we can make it a first for both of us.”

“That sounds great,” Kei replied, voice tight. “I can hardly wait.”

“Good. I miss my baby brother.”

“I’m not exactly a baby any more, Aki. Last I checked I was taller than you,” Kei retorted.

“Once a baby brother, always a baby brother, Kei,” Akiteru said pointedly.

Kei just huffed, but let it be. He glanced at the clock on the ricecooker. It would still be a while till he needed to leave.

“What time is it for you there?” Kei asked curiously. He still hadn’t quite gotten the time difference down.

“Almost 11:00,” Akiteru said nonchalantly.

“Isn’t that kinda late?” Kei replied scrunching his brow.

“Nah, I went to a movie with some friends from work and called when I got back. I don’t have to be in the office till a bit later tomorrow anyway,” Akiteru replied.

“Okay, okay. Just don’t get in trouble at work.” Kei teased.

“I won’t, but I should probably be heading to sleep. I’ll talk to you soon Kei. Have a good afternoon!”

“Thanks. Sleep well, Aki.” He smiled and hung up.

Kei glanced at the time again then back at his book. He could probably finish a few more chapters before heading over to the bakery.

He picked his book back up and began to read again.

~~~~~

He glanced at the time again. It was already five o'clock. _I guess that’s what happens when you finally read something that has a plot instead of reasoning._

He threw the book in his bag and grabbed his coat before heading out the door.

Step after step, each one brought him closer to the bakery and his favorite time of day. He’d get to see Tetsurou, spend time with him. Kiss him. Kei blushed and shooed the thought away. _What am I? A teenager?_

As he made his way to the bakery bubbles of excitement grew in his chest. It was a gorgeous day and it felt _good_.

When he arrived though, he was surprised to see only a few customers and no Kuroo behind the counter. _Huh, is he in the back?_

Kei made his way behind the counter and turned the corner into the kitchen. He heard some mumbling and soft voices. He made out one that sounded like Akaashi’s before he heard a voice that was unmistakably Bokuto’s boom, “How have you not told Tsukishima, yet!? You’re moving to France!”

Kei took a step back. Mind going blank. _France?_ He couldn’t hear the voices behind the door anymore, the pounding rush of blood in his ears blocking all other sound. He hadn’t realized his feet had carried him back out of the bakery and to the ally till he was already there.

He crouched down, head going into his hands. _There, there has to be some explanation, right? It could not be Kuroo. Kuroo wouldn’t, he couldn’t just, just_ leave.

_But how could it not be Kuroo? Who else would need to tell me something like that?_

Kei could feel the sting building behind his eyes. He had only been going out with Kuroo for a week. Was Kuroo really already that tired of him? He couldn’t even keep him around for a week?

Had Kuroo already known he was leaving when he asked Kei to be his boyfriend?

_God, I am such an idiot. Of course any of this was too good to be true._

He felt a tear begin to streak down his cheek.

Kei hated the tears. They made him feel weak, vulnerable. Like things could actually get to him... He’d let Kuroo get to him. He let him in. _Stupid. Stupid, stupid._

A small rational part of Kei’s brain was telling him he didn’t know what was going on. That Kuroo could be staying here in Tokyo. That he only heard one thing. That he needed to walk back into the bakery and ask Kuroo directly.

But it was drowned out.

The anxiety, the worry, the doubt that was congratulating itself because it was right, it had won, they were all too loud. Kei wasn’t worth being loved so why would someone as great as Tetsurou love him to begin with?

He looked around, taking in the broken down boxes, the trash cans lining the backs of doors. He had to go, he had to leave.

He pulled himself back up, wiping at his eyes, willing the dampness away. He took a shaky breath. Then another, and another. He steeled himself, placing his mask of calm indifference back on. It was just a walk home. He could last. He could make it.

He took hesitant steps at first, then they became steadier. He made it out of the alley, he’d almost made it down the street.

“Kei?”

Ice ran through him.

“Where’re you going?” Kuroo asked, smiling as if nothing was wrong. As if everything was still the _same_.

“Home,” Kei replied, his voice steady as steel. _Don’t show he’s gotten to you_.

Kuroo’s smile fell into confusion. “But you just got here.”

Kei didn’t have anything to say to this. He just stared back. Eyes hard, not letting the hurt show.

“Can you at least come in for a bit? I need to talk to you about something,” Kuroo replied, turning to the door as if Kei would follow.

“We should end this,” Kei replied cooly.

Kuroo snapped back toward him. “What? What are you talking about, Kei?” There was a quiver in Kuroo’s voice that tugged at the edge of Kei’s consciousness.

What _was_ he talking about? Kei didn’t know, he just knew he had to get away. Away from him and the hurt. If Kuroo was leaving anyway, why shouldn’t Kei cut it off now?

He turned. Began to walk away.

“Kei? Kei! Hey!” He heard footsteps running up behind him.

“Kei!” A grab at his shoulder, wrenching him towards the black haired man. “Kei! What’s wrong?!” Dark, wild eyes met seemingly cold, uncaring ones. “You’re not making any sense! Just,” he ran a hand through his hair, “tell me what's going on. Maybe I can help.”

He shrugged the other man’s hand off, taking a large step back, placing space between them, shaking his head.

“What’s there to help?” he snarled back. “You’re leaving!”

Kuroo’s eyes widened in shock.

“Kei,” he started softly.

Silence. Kei felt his last thread of hope snap when Kuroo didn’t deny it.

“When were you going to tell me?” He asked coolly. “Or were you just going to leave? Just ask out the boy who’s failing at life, then turn around and disappear,” his voice broke. _No, no emotion_.

“Kei, no. That’s not how it”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” Kei asked more forcefully.

“Kei!” he grabbed at Kei’s arm, “You don’t understand!” He rushed out, urgency in his voice. “I only found out today, I need to talk to you about it. France,”

Kei shook his hand away, Kuroo’s touch no longer soothed, it burned. Kei glared back, eyes full of venom.

“I don’t need excuses. I shouldn’t have agreed to go out with you to begin with if you were just going to leave,” he spat out. “ _Goodbye_ , Kuroo-san.”

Kuroo took a step back, stung, hurt and confusion spreading across his features.

Kei turned away, letting his legs carry him down the street, around the corner. Away from the pain. _So stupid. You were so stupid_.

He thought he heard Kuroo follow him for a bit, but when he turned to bite back at him again he wasn’t there.

_See? Not even worth going after. And you thought he loved you? Pathetic._

Kei stopped a moment, rummaging in his pockets then his bag. They weren’t there. He tilted his head back up and to the sky. He never had his headphones when he needed them most.

_Fuck._

He kept walking, the streets and turns he took not registering. He just eventually found himself back at his apartment. As he opened the door, something settled over him. His entire being hurt and the voices in his head grew louder, tearing him down, every thought fodder for them.

He looked at his phone.

Nothing.

What was he even hoping for? What made him think Kuroo would chase him after that?

It all hurt.

He wanted, _needed_ to get away.

_As if a person like you would have anywhere to run._

His eyes watered.

 _Stupid, you are so stupid. Thinking anyone could love you_.

Tears began to race down his cheeks.

Where? Where could he go? Who could he turn to? He couldn’t go back to Miyagi, he couldn’t stay in Tokyo.

_Aki, I can go to Aki._

He lunged for his computer, opened it, fingers shakily typing into the search bar. Flying across the Pacific. It was ludicrous. _I need to get away_.

90,000 yen. One way. At 1:00am. Kei could do that. He had that much in his account. He could go one way. Be with Aki for New Year’s and not be so utterly _alone_.

He bought it.

Things would be better. They could get better. Tomorrow. He’d be wanted by someone tomorrow.

~~~~~

He stood awkwardly at the terminal. His backpack overstuffed with clothes for he didn’t know how long, he felt like he would topple over.

It’d been a terrible flight. He couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t eat. He watched five straight movies and couldn’t even remember the titles.

He called Akiteru last minute before he boarded the plane. His brother was surprised, asked if something was wrong, said he would have flown to Japan. Kei just told him when his flight would arrive, said that he was fine, said that he just couldn’t wait till spring to see him, said nothing about Kuroo.

“Kei!” Kei’s eyes darted over to see the familiar smile of his brother. The older blond was waving to him. Kei walked quickly into open, waiting arms.

It was all he could do to not burst into tears again, but then again he wasn’t sure he had anymore tears to cry.

“How was your flight?” Akiteru asked as he pulled back from his brother.

_Awful._

“Okay,” he shrugged.

“Well then let’s get you back to my place. We can stop and get you a burger and fries too. Maybe even a strawberry milkshake,” he added in with a wink.

Kei tried to smile, failing miserably, but trying nonetheless. “Sounds great.”

  
~~~~~

  
He felt raw. Like someone had taken a cheese grater and shredded his insides and then put them in a blender. And the feeling didn’t go away. Not in the car. Not with food he didn’t want to eat in his stomach, not after sleeping for way too long. He ached all over. Like he would break at the slightest touch.

He was sitting on the couch, knees pulled up, chin resting on them. It was sometime past 3AM.

Akiteru’s apartment was nice, wide. It had space in a way Kei wasn’t used to.

He just concentrated on the TV flashing in front of him, on the sound of English words jabbering in his ears.

When his brother walked in he pretended not to notice, gaze set on the screen.

The older blond watched, waited for an indication of acknowledgement. When he didn’t get one, he walked over and sat on the couch next to Kei.

They just stayed like that for a while. Silent, together.

“Kei,” Akiteru finally broke the silence with a hushed voice. Kei just kept watching the screen flicker in the darkness.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

 _I don’t want to remember what happened_.

“Did mom come an try to get you again?”

_Would mom coming again have hurt less than this?_

“Kei, I know you wouldn’t fly across the Pacific just because you missed me, as happy as I am to have you here.”

He glanced over at his brother. His brain weighing out pros and cons of telling him everything or telling him half or telling him nothing.

Not telling him meant it didn’t have to be real yet. Kei could still kind of pretend he was on vacation and everything would be right again when he got back.

“It wasn’t mom,” he whispered out.

“That’s a relief at least,” Akiteru sighed. “So then that leaves school, work, or Kuroo.”

Kei flinched slightly hearing the man’s name. It was enough for Akiteru to notice.

“What happened?” he asked softly.

“He’s leaving,” Kei whispered. Maybe if he didn’t say it loudly it wouldn’t be true.

“What do you mean he’s leaving?” Akiteru’s voice remained steady and calm.

“France. He's going to France,” Kei buried his face into his knees.

"Did he talk to you about it?" Akiteru continued.

Kei shook his head. "I... overheard one of his friends."

"And?"

"Kuroo didn't deny it."

"But did you actually talk to him? About how long he was going for, or when he was leaving?"

Kei shook his head again.

"Kei, look at me please," Akiteru urged.

He looked up. Tears once again streaming down his cheeks.

"Did you give him a chance to talk?"

His face crumpled and he shook his head in the negative once more.

Akiteru sighed, pulling Kei into a hug.

"How do you know then, Kei?"

"It's just like every other time someone’s left. Because they all leave. Why would it be different?"

He felt Akiteru’s arms tighten around him. “Because from what you’ve told me, Kuroo cares too much about you for it to not be different.”

Kei took a gulp of air, “But how can you tell? How can you know?”

Akiteru pulled away slightly, “His eyes,” Akiteru replied. “People lie with their words, not with their eyes.”

Kei thought about it. How Kuroo’s eyes would brighten when he smiled. How they clouded when he concentrated and how they seemed to look straight through Kei to his very core. And then he thought of their softness. The softness reserved for him.

He cried harder.

  
~~~~~

  
The sun broke through the curtains again. Kei groaned and rolled away, trying to hide his face in the back of the couch.

It was hard. Getting up each day. They felt empty, meaningless. Kei couldn’t bring himself to move forward. He hit pause when he came here and he wasn’t sure he was ready to hit play again.

But everyday he still got up, from the couch at least, even if it was mainly because Akiteru made him. He would parade in, make sure Kei was awake, make breakfast, and then drag him off somewhere.

“You are in San Francisco. I will not have you moping on the couch all day, young man.”

Akiteru took him to the Golden Gate bridge, Fisherman’s Wharf, the Ghirardelli chocolate factory. He even planned a night tour of Alcatraz for them.

Kei didn’t know what to think of it. He knew he was supposed to think it was beautiful, different, new. It should have all been fun and exciting, but he couldn’t bring himself to fully enjoy any of it.

When the sun finally breached the point of no return and he heard Akiteru shuffling in the kitchen, he sat up. He rolled his neck, and reached for his glasses, and slowly lifted himself up to go to the bathroom. He didn’t look in the mirror. He already knew what he’d see there. A pale, skinny, zombie.

“Kei! I’m making waffles for breakfast! Could you cut up the strawberries?” Akiteru called.

Kei didn’t reply, he just washed his hands and shuffled to the kitchen.

“Where are they?” he rasped, throat dry from disuse.

“Fridge, bottom right hand drawer.”

He grabbed them and settled in next to Akiteru at the counter to cut them.

“When did you learn to make waffles?” he asked.

“When I wanted waffles and didn’t want to pay $15 for them.”

Kei made a face, “They’re that expensive?”

Akiteru shrugged. “Admittedly I haven’t done much looking, but this is easier.”

Kei nodded and began to cut the tops of the strawberries off.

It was silent except for the sound of the whisk and knife.

Akiteru kept glancing over at Kei, like he had something to say. He didn’t want him too. He just wanted the silence to continue.

“Tadashi messaged me.”

Kei placed the knife down.

“He said he hadn’t heard from you after he asked about your plans for New Years.”

It was already New Year’s Eve. Three days since he’d talked to Kuroo. Three days since he ran away. Three days since he’d looked at his phone.

And apparently Tadashi had messaged.

He’d left his phone off once he arrived at his brother’s apartment. He didn’t want to know if Kuroo had messaged or called or anything. He still wasn’t sure he wanted to. He knew all that awaited him was an empty inbox. That or a message saying he’d messed up so badly that Kuroo never wanted to see him again.

“What’d you tell him?” Kei picked the knife back up and continued to cut the strawberries.

“I said you were safe and with me. Nothing else,” Akiteru poured some batter onto the iron.

“Ok.”

After breakfast and dishes Akiteru went to check email and a few other things in his office.

Kei went back to the couch.

He didn’t turn the tv on this time. He just sat, staring at his phone.

Kei studied the device in his hand, rolling it over and over.

_Do I look?_

He needed to look.

He didn’t want to look.

“Hey, Kei, did you want to try and hit up Japantown today? There should be some traditional soba we can-...” Akiteru paused when he saw Kei’s phone in his hand.

“...Are you going to check it?”

“I doubt there’s anything to check,” Kei sighed as he tossed his phone to the corner of the couch he was now extremely familiar with.

“I’m positive there’s at least five messages from Tadashi. Probably more,” Aki walked over. “Should I check it for you?” He reached for the phone.

Kei snapped it back up before his brother could get to it.

“No one’s wondering where I am. So it doesn’t matter,” he replied, tucking the phone in his pocket.

Akiteru gave him a quizzical look.

“Kei,” he started.

The younger brother jumped off the couch, “Well, aren’t we going to Japantown? I could use some decent food.”

Akiteru watched as he put on his jacket before he eventually followed, a concerned crease in his brow.

  
~~~~~

  
They ate soba. Akiteru bought champagne. They counted down to the new year. They clanked glasses. Kei only drank a sip. It was a new year, but he didn’t have any hope for it.

  
~~~~~

  
 His phone glared at him. Taunted him. Made him feel guilty and anxious. He should message Tadashi. Tell him happy New Years. Instead he just hid it at the bottom of his bag.

  
~~~~~

  
Akiteru was still trying to get Kei out. He took him to the movies. Trying to stumble through the plot in a second language with no subtitles definitely could take your mind off things. Akiteru said he knew a place with great strawberry shortcake and Kei had to try it.

He couldn’t even stomach the idea.

  
~~~~~

  
“Are you going to try to be back in time for the semester?”

Kei shrugged. “I have another week or so.”

“Ok. I go back into work tomorrow. Will you be ok?”

Akiteru’s eyes had grown increasingly worried lately. Kei didn’t know how to change that, so he just nodded.

  
~~~~~

“I’m leaving!”

“Ok,” Kei mumbled out from the couch as the door slammed shut. It had been the first night he slept without waking up even once. But he was still tired, so he ignored the light, rolled over and fell asleep again.

The next time he awoke it was to a large knocking noise.

Kei didn’t register where it was coming from at first.

Maybe it was down the hall.

But it incessantly continued, fully waking Kei from his sleep. He stood up rubbing at his eyes. Grabbing for his glasses.

_Who the hell would need Akiteru right now? The post man?_

He arrived at the door and unlocked and opened it.

His eyes widened.

Standing before him was Kuroo… a disheveled, exhausted looking Kuroo, hand raised and poised to knock again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have no idea how long I've been waiting to post this!! (two weeks, it has been two weeks) I really wanted to save it for the Free Day of Kurotsuki Week and I had scheduling conflicts so I needed it done early and it has been killing me! *I actually completed the entire week of prompts and am estatic about that cause I've never bee able to do it before!)
> 
> Anyways, yeah. Huge thanks as always to [sheenaxzelos](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/) for being my fabulous beta. And guys omg there's only like... 2 more chapter I think? (Maybe three, but I think two...) And Kuroo's big reveal is next chapter, gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. Ok, I'm getting back to writing. Thank you all so much for reading and to everyone who participated in kurotsuki week! It was awesome! Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> P.S Hit me up on [my tumblr](http://midnightmooncatcher.tumblr.com/) if you wanna chat! Thank you once again for reading and stay awesome!


	12. Flaws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When all of your flaws and all of my flaws are laid out one by one  
> A wonderful part of the mess that we made, we pick ourselves undone  
> ~Bastille

Kuroo froze, arm in the air.

Relief washed over him, arm dropping, shoulders slumping. _He's okay._

Standing in front of him was Kei. _His_ Kei. Who he _hoped_ was still _his_ Kei.

Kuroo’s eyes quickly ran over the man before him. He looked exhausted, large mauve pools under his eyes, hair mussed up, sticking in the wrong directions, t-shirt and sweats hanging askew on his thin figure. _Has he been eating?_

When his eyes finally met Kei’s they were wide in disbelief before a flash of hurt hardened them and the door began to swing shut.

"No! Kei!" Kuroo frantically threw his weight against the door, stopping it from closing, desperation seeping into his voice.

Kei paused, face turning away from the intruder. He didn’t look up, just stood there, body rigid.

They didn’t move, didn’t speak, just stood trapped in the ever growing silence that was building higher and higher. An insurmountable wall.

Kuroo wanted to knock it down. Grab Kei and shake him, hug him, kiss him, scream at him. But he couldn’t. He was frozen.

Did Kei know how much the past week had hurt? Not being able to see him? Reach him? Did he know how terrifying it is to find an empty apartment day after day? To be told that the person you love left the country? Did he know how agonizing it had been to wait through New Years to go after him?

Hadn’t he felt it? Hadn’t he… felt _anything_?

_Stop._

"Why are you here?" Kei whispered shattering the silence. Kuroo flinched at the shards that pierced his ears, his pain twisting from the steady, uncaring voice.

"We need to talk," Kuroo replied calmly, hiding his own turmoil.

Kei scoffed, "What's there to talk about?"

He continued to feel the barbs stab his skin, every word digging them deeper, a constant sting. Just how their last conversation had stung. “Quite a bit actually.” He took a step forward, letting the door swing closed behind him.

Kei shook his head, mouth forming a tight line, still looking away.

“How did you know I was here?”

Kuroo paused, studying the man before replying. "Yamaguchi."

Kei closed his eyes, jaw clenched, turning on heel and making his way further into the apartment.

Kuroo followed. "We need to talk, Kei. Please just..."

"There is _nothing_ to talk about. I don't even know why you came," he interrupted, spinning to face him.

Kuroo's brow creased. “You never let me explain, Kei. You…”

“What's there to explain?” Kei’s voice rose, disbelief on his tongue. “You didn't say anything a week ago. What's there to say now that would change anything?” he bit out sharply.

Kuroo’s eyes narrowed, his fists balling. “You never let me finish!" His voice boomed. "You accused me then left! You said you wanted to end it then disappeared. I couldn't _find_ you, Kei. I didn't hear from you. I didn't know where you were. _For days_! I had to ask Yamaguchi! Do you know how scared I was? How many times I called, texted? Every time getting _no answer_." His voice grew, anger seeping in more with every word that escaped his mouth.

Kei’s eyes widened, mouth gaping, "Why do you even _care_?"

"Because I _care_ about _you_!"

"Could have fooled me," Kei whispered coldly, his steady gaze piercing.

Kuroo grit his teeth and closed his eyes. He could feel his self control slipping. Whatever wall Kei was putting up was not falling and Kuroo wanted answers. He needed to know _why_. _Why_ Kei left, why he didn’t reply, why he was standing thousands of miles away in an unfamiliar apartment looking like the world was crumbling beneath his feet, why he wouldn’t reach back when Kuroo was reaching so desperately.

"Why'd you do it?" He bit out.

"Do what?"

"You know exactly what," Kuroo hissed.

"No! I don't!" Kei bit in reply.

"Leave!" There was a pause after Kuroo's roar. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. "Why did you leave?"

"Oh, you mean _exactly_ what you were going to do?" Kei shot back angrily. "Pick up and leave without telling me a god damned thing?"

"I was going to tell to you that night!" Kuroo shouted back. "But you, you" Kuroo stammered at a loss for words, "blew up at me. And I thought you needed time. But then you were gone!” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I went to your apartment the next morning and you were gone. You didn't answer your phone. You disappeared," Kuroo's voice broke, face contorting, looking back up at Kei.

One of his worst fears becoming reality.

"How could you just... _leave_!?" It was hardly a shout any more, desperation strangling all malice from it. The question that Kuroo had been asking himself again and again for the last week was left floating in the air between them.

Kei was silent, emotion twisting and building behind his slipping mask.

He began to shake his head, eyes squeezing shut. "You're leaving." The silence split. "I thought you were going to stay... But you're not, you're leaving…” His eyes opened, looking straight at Kuroo, disappointment and hurt written in their tiredness. “Just like everyone else..."

All the anger and rage that had been boiling in Kuroo dissipated, and was replaced by a hollow sadness.

Kuroo shook his head. He took a step forward. "No, Kei. Not if you don't want me to. I would never leave if you don't want me too."

Kuroo’s stomach sank as Kei’s eyes hardened again and his fists balled. "How can you say that!?” He spat out. “How can you even _promise_ that!? When you’re about to walk out the door! Do you know how many times I’ve listened to people promise not to leave?!” He swallowed. “My dad left when I was five after saying he’d be right back. My brother moved across an ocean after telling me he’d be a 10 minute train ride away. My mom threw me out after years of hugs and kisses. And my last boyfriend threw me away after saying he’d always be there.“ Kei choked out glaring at Kuroo, “So how could you _ever_ say you’ll never leave, when _everyone does_? When you’re _about to._ ”

The words felt like knives stabbing into his chest, mind racing. _I'm not leaving. I can't lose you. You can't disappear._

His shoulders sagged, completely at a loss. He didn’t know what else to say. So he said the truth. “I thought I lost you, Kei,” Kuroo replied in a broken whisper.

“Lost?” Kei scoffed, anger and hurt radiating from his being. “What have you ever lost?!"

He couldn’t breathe.  

A punch to the gut.

Numb.

Mind blank, blood buzzing.

He fell a step back.

_Lost?_

_What have I ever lost?_

_Haha._

_What have I ever lost?_

_He doesn’t know._

_I don't want to tell him_.

_I have to tell him_.

He took a ragged breath, lungs burning. He blinked, bringing himself back, looking at the man he wanted to keep in his life so badly that he'd follow him across the Pacific.

“Can we sit down?” Kuroo’s voice was strained in his request, eyes flitting around the room, all strength gone. The weariness of travel and life beginning to register in his mind now, adrenalyn seeping out.

Kei’s glare softened, something slipping over the anger in his eyes. Kuroo didn’t notice.

Kei motioned to the couch, eyeing Kuroo as he took unsteady steps, sitting uncertainly on the center cushion between the crumbled blanket and pillow.

Once seated his head went straight to his hands. He breathed deeply trying to ground himself in some small way. It’d been almost four years now and the mix of grief and regret still ate at him.

He took a deep breath and looked Kei in the eye. “My brother.”

Kei’s brow crumpled in confusion.

“I lost my brother,” Kuroo said again, voice wobbling as he tried to crack a small smile. “Almost four years ago. To leukemia.”

All tension fell from Kei's shoulders, but Kuroo didn't wait for a response. He’d heard them all. And none of them made it any better.

“I lost him slowly. Little by little. He stopped asking to play. Then he grew smaller instead of bigger,” he took a breath that rattled in his lungs. “I didn’t want to believe it. I avoided going home. I denied it was happening for so long. I kept telling myself he’d pull through,” he continued, biting the inside of his cheek. “I was taking finals. My parents told me I needed to get to the hospital. But I didn’t make it in time,” he tried swallowing back the tears, “Yuji was already gone."

Kuroo looked away, mouth pursed, jaw tight, tears breaching the dams he'd been trying to hold them back with.

"I know what it's like when people leave, Kei." His bottom lip trembled, as he wiped at his eyes. "I know it hurts. And I know your hurt is different. But I know." He wiped at his eyes again and took a ragged breath. "God and then when you disappeared... Everything stopped. All I could do was wonder if the worst had happened. The idea that you... I was so terrified... I couldn't get in touch with you. I thought, I thought," a sob escaped, shoulders trembling, he hid his face in his hands. The thing he was scared of most, he thought it happened. "I can't lose you."

He sat there shaking, crumbling. Then he felt the couch dip next to him, a hand on his back.

He turned.

Kei wasn't looking back, he was staring forward, frown on his face, but Kuroo could see it. The want to comfort warring with hurt Kuroo had never intended.

"I'm sorry," Kei whispered. "I didn't know."

Kuroo sputtered a small laugh. "How could you? This isn’t something I really talk about."

Kei hummed, his hand now dancing in small, comforting circles across Kuroo's back.

Kuroo leaned into him. Kei turned slightly drawing him in closer. He felt his body relax for the first time since Kei left. He took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent that was so distinctly him.

But there was still tension. An unanswered problem. The stupid thing that brought Kuroo here.

He took a deep breath, about to speak, but to his surprise, Kei spoke first.

"I," he swallowed. "I didn't want to," his jaw clenched, like the words were stuck in his throat.

Kuroo waited.

Kei started again. “I didn’t want to… let anyone get close to me again.” He took a deep breath. “But then I met you and… you got to me," Kei huffed. "Effortlessly." He paused. "And I was so happy when I finally let you in, but constantly terrified that you’d leave," he confessed softly.

Kuroo sat up fully at that, turning to look at Kei again.

His eyes were soft, pained. “When I heard what Bokuto said... I thought… I wasn’t worth it again.”

Kuroo raised his hand to Kei’s cheek, thumb brushing at the wetness on his cheek. “No, Kei. You are _always_ worth it.” He let out an incredulous laugh. “Hell, I flew halfway around the world for you. You’re more than worth it to me.”

Kei leaned into Kuroo’s touch. “But you’re still leaving. Aren’t you?” He asked in a pained whisper.

Kuroo studied him for a moment before asking, “How long did you think I was going to be gone for, Kei?”

Kei averted his eyes, “I don’t know.”

“Three months.”

Kei’s eyes shot back up to Kuroo. “What?”

“If I take the program position, it’d be three months. Starting in June.”

“Program?”

“Yeah. Program,” Kuroo smiled softly. “I wanted to tell you that’d I’d been selected for a baking exchange program in France.”

Kei’s lips parted. His eyes widened and he tore away from him as what Kuroo said registered.

“So you won’t be… leaving forever?”

Kuroo couldn't help the smile that split across his face. "No,“ he shook his head. “If you had looked at your phone you would've known that," he rubbed in a bit.

Kei paled slightly, standing, hand going to his forehead. He started to pace, thinking.

Kuroo watched him silently as the information processed.

He looked down at Kuroo again, biting his lip.

"I’m sorry," he blushed. "I thought I was losing you. I didn't, I couldn't... Fuck."

"Kei, It’s o…”

"No! It’s not okay! I _hurt_ you. I can’t believe, aagh." He threw his hands up in frustration up covering his face.

"Kei.” He turned away. “Hey, Kei— Hey!” Kuroo stood and grabbing Kei by the shoulders, squaring them. Kei slowly drew his hands down. “Yes, what you did hurt me, but we're human and humans hurt each other whether intentionally or not. I hurt you too."

Kei frowned and shook his head. “But you didn’t. I just thought you did. I... You’re on the other side of the Pacific because _I_ couldn’t listen long enough. Didn’t try to understand. I, I ran.”

“Hey, Kei. Look at me,” Kuroo moved a hand up to his cheek. “What’s happened, happened. We can’t change it. I’m happy to be here. I’m happy you’re ok.” He paused, studying distressed honey eyes. He brushed his thumb over Kei’s cheek, leaning his forehead against the other’s. “Just,” he swallowed. “Just promise never to do it again. Promise to talk next time. Okay?” His eyes flitted across the other’s face, voice gone quiet.

Kei studied him. He felt his eyes tracing every line of his face before his shoulders finally relaxed and he closed his eyes. “Okay,” he sighed out, but frustration still tainted his features.

“Good. Now,” Kuroo took Kei’s hand in his, “Can I kiss you?”

Kei nodded, leaning in, lips about to meet, before he pulled back suddenly.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.”

“And I was just on a ten hour flight. I don’t care.”

“Bu-” Kei was cut off as Kuroo’s lips crashed into his.

Kuroo didn’t care about stale breath. He just wanted Kei. Wanted his heat, to feel him, to know he was finally with him.

It was slow and soft, tender. Both men simply feeling each other, finding each other again. Kuroo felt a tingle of desire run through him and drew back.

Kei was blushing, eyes slightly dazed. He leaned in and wrapped his arms around Kuroo, leaning down slightly to place his head on the others shoulder. “You smell,” he stated without making any attempt to move away.

Kuroo laughed. “Ten hour flight, remember?”

“Yeah,” he whispered out. “Thank you.” Kuroo felt Kei’s arms tighten around him, he squeezed back.

“Always,” he whispered over his shoulder.

He wasn’t sure how long they remained standing there, but Kuroo felt like he could have stayed in that moment forever.

“Did you want to take a shower?” Kei murmured into his neck.

“Do I smell that bad?” Kuroo pulled back to look at him.

Kei shrugged. “Just realized I hadn’t offered. That flight can be long... especially when you don’t sleep on it.” His voice fell at the end, hands finding each other and beginning to knot.

Kuroo placed his hand over Kei’s drawing his gaze back up. “It is isn’t it?” It seemed they’d had similar journeys here. “Movie selection was bad too,” he added mock seriously.

It earned him a small quirk of Kei’s lips, but the sadness lingered in his eyes.

Kuroo felt his stomach tumble and pulled Kei back into him. The tightness in his chest increasing.

“Kuroo?” Kei’s voice was soft, questioning.

He pulled back again. “Sorry. I just…” He couldn’t finish it. Couldn’t express it. “It’s really good to see you.”

“It’s really good to see you too.” The smile reached his eyes this time.

Kuroo finally made his way to the shower. It was amazing how being clean could change how a person felt. He washed the worry and apprehension away with the grime of the flight. But a small seed of anxiety was still present. Something he’d just have to keep buried.

Once showered and in clean clothes, Kuroo found himself on the couch leaning against Kei, their fingers entwined between them.

Kei’s thumb kept running along the length of his hand, sending small tingles and sparks up his arm.

They were silent, simply being. Kuroo was tottering on the edge of consciousness when he heard the whispered question.

“Was that why you quit school?”

Kuroo blinked, shifted to look at Kei. He was peering down at him through his glasses, a quirk of genuine curiosity in his brow. When Kuroo didn’t reply Kei looked away. “I just, whenever you help me, you seem to love it so much and…”

“Yeah,” Kuroo ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Being there hurt after… what happened, so I left…” He took a deep breath. “But, every place kinda hurt after that, and since I was at school when it did… it hurt the most,” his voice began to strain, heart aching, but then he chuckled, the pull of a small memory. "It’s funny that I decided to bake you know. He was always the one who wanted to make things. He’d run up to me when I’d get home from school and tug on my hand wanting to show me something he’d made, or get me to help. He always loved to do it before he got too sick. We'd make little things. Cookies, little cakes... His favorite was strawberry shortcake." Kuroo looked at Kei.

Kei’s eyes widened some. “That’s why?”

“It’s my specialty? Yeah,” he breathed out.

Kei didn’t say anything after that. He rubbed the back of Kuroo’s hand and leaned in more. Small comforts. And for the first time in a long time, he didn’t feel such a searing pain in his chest.

* * *

Kuroo didn’t know when he drifted off. He wasn’t really sure he’d fallen asleep at all. But he must have. He was laying down and warm body was pressed into his side and half on top of him. He wasn’t sure why he woke up until he heard the scratch of keys at the door and a click.

“Hey, Kei! I’m home! What do you want to do for…” the man speaking stopped mid sentence and Kuroo felt the couch shift and the warmth leave his side.

“Hey Aki,” Kei yawned out.

“Why is there an extra set of feet hanging off the end of the couch?” the man questioned.

Kuroo sleepily shifted and pushed himself up, squinting at someone who looked a lot like Kei, but a bit shorter.

The man in question’s face soon broke into an incredibly large smile. “Oh my god, Kei, is this…”

Kei looked over at Kuroo and then back to his brother.

“Yeah,” he smiled sleepily. “This is Kuroo Tetsurou. My boyfriend.”

Kuroo’s chest burst in warmth. He didn’t know so few words could make him so happy.

* * *

**_Afterward_ **

The bells above the door tinkled signaling a customer. Kuroo glanced up and beamed.

“Kei.”

“Hey, Tetsu,” he replied with a smile of his own.

Kuroo's heart fluttered at the new name as Kei made his way up to the counter. Once he stepped close enough Kuroo couldn’t help leaning across to steal a quick kiss which earned him a scowl and a blush.

“What can I get for you today?” He grinned.

“The usual,” Kei replied, reaching for his wallet to fish out a bill.

“Hey, this is on the house.”

Kei rolled his eyes. “Tetsurou, you’ve made everything on the house since we got back over a month ago.”

“What? I’m not allowed to spoil my boyfriend?” Kuroo pouted.

Kei’s blush deepened. “Not every day!”

Kuroo rolled his eyes this time. “Fine, I’ll get you your coffee and then if there’s leftover cake after closing I’ll give it to you. How’s that?”

“Fine,” Kei huffed, but a small smile quirked at his lips.

“So how’s the homework load looking today?” He asked as he busied himself getting Kei’s drink.

He shrugged. “Not too bad, just some reading. I don’t have another problem set due till next week.”

“Don’t fall asleep in the chair this time,” he grinned as he passed the coffee to Kei.

Kei gave an exasperated sigh, “Yes mother,” but smiled as he found his way to his usual place.

Kuroo stuck his tongue out at him playfully, but turned back to the counter when another customer came in.

It was hard to believe that a few months ago he’d flown across the Pacific. That trip to San Francisco felt like another lifetime. So much had changed, so much had stayed the same. Sometimes it felt like it hadn’t happen at all.

They had made it back for Kei to start the semester. Luckily the bakery was still intact when he returned. He owed Kenma, Bokuto, and Yaku more than he could imagine for that. They talked about Kuroo going to France, well more like Tsukishima demanding that there wasn’t a choice, he was going. And that they would figure things out as they came, good and bad, together.

He looked back over to the blond tuft of hair sticking out above the chair, warmth growing in his chest, just like it did every time he looked at Kei.

He didn’t know what the future would hold, but he did know who he wanted to be in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our lives are made  
> In these small hours  
> These little wonders,  
> These twists and turns of fate  
> Time falls away,  
> But these small hours,  
> These small hours still remain  
>  _Little Wonders_ ~Rob Thomas
> 
> Hello everyone!  
> First things first. I made a [playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLL_Z7IpV6se1VNdsiKCyiJrV74qKOvwmv) of all the songs used for the chapters and in the fic. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> And thank you all so much for reading. A special thnks to those of you who've stuck with this fic the entire way. It's now been a bit over a year since I originally published it and it's happy, but a little sad, for it to be ending. I really felt like I grew as a writer over the year and it's in large part thanks to your support, so I thank you all for that. I've gotten to interact with so many incredible people because of this fic. You all really make it worth it.
> 
> Special thanks as always to [sheenaxzelos](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/) I absolutely would not have been able to finish this fic without her support. (Also shout out she has a new original comic that will be coming out in Dec/Jan be sure to check it out!)
> 
> And as always you can find me at [my tumblr](http://midnightmooncatcher.tumblr.com/).


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